Couples In Long-Term Relationships Reveal How The Sex Has Changed
Sex in the early stages of a relationship is undoubtedly exciting.
You're still getting accustomed to each other's bodies, feelings things out — quite literally — to get a grasp on what'll get your partner's toes curling. Everything is shiny and new, and each time your clothes come off, there's a good chance you'll uncover something about your partner's sexual preferences that you never knew before.
It's as the relationship goes on that things can begin to feel a little mundane. You've been having sex with this person for so long that you know what to expect. It's that comfortability level that has you getting in, getting off, and getting out because you can.
Sometimes, the sex can feel hot and passionate, and other times, you're letting out forced grunts, eager to roll over and get the hell to sleep.
A little bit of effort will go a long way when it comes to maintaining strong sexual desire in a long-term relationship.
A handful of couples took to Reddit to express their thoughts on how the sex has changed over the years, whether for better or for worse.
Read on, and maybe you can learn and a thing or two.
Another year means another opportunity to get off multiple times in bed.
When we first started having sex, it was kinda meh. Like he was enthusiastic and thoughtful and giving, I was/am super attracted to him, it just… Wasn't there. I very seldomly got off. After a couple months, it just started getting really really really good. We were open about directing each other in bed, we tried a bunch of new positions, introduced toys.
Fast forward to now, over a year together, and the dude can get me off 4, 5, 6 times in one go of it and leave me gasping for air in a puddle of my own cum within 20 minutes.
It's pretty fuckin great.
After a rough patch, this husband's having the sex he dreamed of having as a kid.
Best sex of life in mid forties. Wife finally does all the things I fantasized about as a young lad. Took a couple decades of marriage and a few dead bedroom years to get here.
Describing this couple's sex life as “hot and cold” would be… quite a literal description, to say the least.
With SO 38 years. It has been hot, tear the clothes off running to the car hot. It has been standing naked in a Montana blizzard cold. It has been monotonous, it has been a surprise every night. It has been an ocean and been a desert. It has been giving, it has been selfish. It has been ordinary and been wondrous.
After years of focusing on the physical, this couple has begun taking it a bit more slow.
Mid 30's here. Married 10 years.
The biggest difference is that we seem to have stopped relying on raw physicality and hot passion to have a good sex life. Instead we are focusing a lot more on:
Sexy talk and slow conversations, sometimes while comfortably sitting or laying down with penis in vagina. This is a fun activity. I feel like when we were younger we were so focused on the thrusting pleasing finishing aspect that we didn't realize we could actually have me literally be inside her and carry a long conversation. This is one of the most slow, sensual things we do.
We focus a lot on fetishes to spice things up to an extreme degree. Our two biggest have been lactation and watersports. We aren't too kinky other than this, and have a no-other-people rule that is a cornerstone of our marriage. We might run out of fetishes, I'm not sure. But these have been great for us so far. Lactation fetish stopped a while ago after second kid because it became to exhausting for her to maintain supply. We're hoping to discover new fetishes we can enjoy after the thrill of watersports and body-worship wears off or at least lessens.
Quality of a night where we have sex is directly related to how emotionally connected we are. This wasn't always the case. If we weren't feeling too close or were not really talking much during a week because we were busy, the sex would still be great and fine and really physical. Because it has taken on more of an emotional component, if we are not feeling connected, it is clear in the way we make love.
Going "all night" used to be a thing, at least late night. Not anymore. We are tired by the time the kids are in bed, and have only a little energy left to indulge. It's no longer hours of playing. It's usually between 10 to 40 minutes including foreplay.
A decline in their sex life was just one aspect of this couple's failing marriage.
In 27 married years, it went from we couldn't keep our clothes on to not having sex for the last six months. A month ago this week I moved out and filed for divorce
Even with work and children now in the mix, it's still possible to have a pretty amazing sex life.
We have had peaks and valleys. We have always had great sexual chemistry vut over the years relstionship problems, body image issue, work stress kids, etc have caused se to move down the priority list. Some periods its been a little routine and others insanely hot.
I have made a conscious decision to not let.our sex life wither and die. 24 years in the sex is pretty amazing.
Monogamy: It's not for everyone.
28 F married to 37 F. Ldr turned into relationship. Went from her initiating constantly to her turning asexual. But since then I've explored myself and have a male fwb, so I guess I got that going for me.
Just speak up about what you want, and you, too, can have crazy boat sex in the middle of the ocean.
Just turned 20. We've been together for 5 years. Started having sex about 8 months into it and it was soley me on top, her on bottom. After a year of that I broke and told her that something else had to happen, so she started getting more creative. After a solid 3 years of basic stuff, I started to realize I have quite a few kinks, so I slowly started to let her in on them. Here in the last 6 months, she calls me daddy, she's my "little slut". We have sex everywhere. Just yesterday we went out on the boat, and had sex unknowingly next to another couple getting it on in the boat across from us. She was screaming my name and it was hot as fuck. So basically we went from vanilla to exhibitionists in 6 months.
The longer you're together, the better the sex — simple as that.
8 years together, 7 married. It honestly wasn't great starting off to be honest but the longer we've been together, the better the sex gets!
This couple is trying to break out of the bedroom routine that they've found themselves in.
It'll be 7 years this August. Sex started out good, and only got better over the first 3-4 years. I'd say it peaked around the 4-5 year mark both in terms of quality and quantity as she spent a lot more time at my place. Well before she actually moved in last year she was there usually at least 4-5 nights a week if not more.
Unfortunately over the past year or two it has not been as good. The frequency has gone down and I think things have become a bit stale. I wouldn't say the sex is bad by any means, it's still highly enjoyable but a bit too routine I think. She's also slowly put on some weight over the past couple years which hasn't helped. It bothers me more than I'll ever let her know. But she is trying to lose weight, so all I can do is be supportive of her while she changes her diet and works out more. I love her way too much to give everything up over so it so I do my best to help her. I think once she feels better about herself things will pick up again.
Be prepared to put in work post-baby birth, according to this couple.
The first year or so, we were of course all over each other like many new couples.
Years 2-5 we settled into about 2-3 times a week
After baby, we've had to really work at it as we have less time and it's harder to really invest the time in getting in the mood. We probably average about 1 a week, which I suppose isn't bad in the whole scheme of things.
I have noticed that I (male) actually need a bit of foreplay to shift gears into sexy time.
This woman enjoys the sex, but just wished her husband would remember it's a marathon, not a sprint.
When we were first together, at least to me, it got better and better every single time. It was amazing and I was so excited all the time (probably partly because I was never with anyone else before). It was also very often, don't remember exactly but I wondered if it was really high haha.
Then he started wanting it less and I would feel bad being turned down. Sometimes he would give stupid reasons like "we just did yesterday". We had some fights.
Now it's settled into about 1-3x a week. I would love more though. I think he has learned exactly what I like, but that means sex is now pretty fast. I wish we could go all out sometimes. Sometimes he tries to rush because he thinks he's going to lose his erection… so not always much foreplay. I'm not always sure if he's still very excited although he always says I'm sexy. I want to do more and different things but I guess partly he works too much currently.
After 24 years, this couple is continuing to do things in bed that'll kick their sex life up a notch.
We were always pretty adventerous, taking pics with Polaroids etc even when she was 18 which for back then was pretty unheard of. She had a circle of gay / lesbian friends so she definitely was open minded.
We had pretty great sex for lots of years. Then we had kids. She didn't get heavy or anything, but for no other reason than you are parents you don't have the time / drive to keep up the sex pace.
Then when our first got a little more independent we got back into the groove. 5 years later we had another and went into the same cycle of still having good sex but not on the frequency we were used to.
Then our 2nd kid got past the young years and we got back to it, since then our sex life has turned up to an 11. We started exploring kinks, more open with other couples and stuff, my wife has really hit her stride, sex has been amazing for us and we couldn't be happier.
So, while it's different for each couple (only one of the pairs referenced divorce, so that seems like great odds!), it's clear that your sex life won't just magically stay youthful and adventurous.
Missionary, P-in-V style sex will only get you so far in a relationship, especially with 20+ years, a few children, and a whole lot of face wrinkles under your belt.
So when in doubt, make an effort to spice it up… or just have sex on a boat.
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