An Intimate Convo With A Male Sugar Baby Who Uses His Gifts To Pay For College
Jay, an online student at Florida Tech who identifies as pansexual, is an aspiring accountant who currently works as a model, a customer service agent — and a male sugar baby. He averages six messages a week from prospective sugar daddies and sugar mommas.
According to statistics from SeekingArrangement, male sugar babies are not as rare as you may think. Analytics found that there are currently 1.3 million male sugar babies and 450,000 sugar mommies registered on the site.
Considering this figure only accounts for male sugar babies registered on just one website, it's safe to say that there are a lot more babies who do their bidding offline or on other related sites.
Intrigued by the gender swap on the traditional yet tumultuous notion of an older wealthy woman with a younger man, I chatted with the 21-year-old about how sugar mommas differ from traditional sugar daddies, and what's expected of these younger men.
Bobby Box: What caused you to initially sign up for SeekingArrangement?
Jay: I joined SA for the chance to connect with older minds that have done well for themselves; I wanted to learn from them and grow legitimate connections with someone. I wanted to meet people I could actually bond with.
Do your peers know you're a male sugar baby?
Yes, my friends and family know that I'm a sugar baby, and they have no issue with it. Everybody in my life respects my personal business.
What's a typical interaction on SeekingArrangement like for a male sugar baby?
The typical interaction on SeekingArrangement is pretty tame, really. It usually doesn't step too far out of casual greetings and conversation.
But some people can get wild on there as far as requests and whatnot.
For instance, this one sugar daddy was into scat [poop] and being body shamed. He offered $2,000 to shit on him and smack him around. Needless to say, no, that's not happening.
I wanted to learn from them and to grow and develop legitimate connections with someone. I wanted to meet people I could actually bond with.
Based on your experiences, what are the most common reasons sugar mommas seek out these arrangements?
Companionship; we all want to feel needed and heard. Some of them feel alone. Some don't really have family or anyone they consider themselves to be particularly close to, and they enjoy the presence of men.
For others, it's to chat, to go somewhere nice — you know, on dates. And sometimes they want something more physical, if you know what I'm saying.
I've found sugar mommas like to be desired, just like every other woman. They want to feel sexy and be adored. But in the end, it all comes down to the woman, honestly.
How common is it that sex is involved?
For me personally, sex is not often involved. In most of the experiences that I've had, emotional and mental connection have always been more sought after.
What is the average age/look/income/occupation of these sugar mommas?
The average sugar momma is in her late thirties and up. Income isn't disclosed, nor do I ask, but they're often widowed and very well off.
I was given a Rolex, a Tom Ford suit and a trip to Miami for my birthday.
What's the most expensive gift you've been given from a sugar momma?
The most expensive gift I was given would be a combination of things. For instance, I was given a Rolex, a Tom Ford suit and a trip to Miami for my birthday.
These gifts came courtesy of a woman I was dating for about six months at the time. An insanely sweet girl; we still keep in touch to this day.
Give us examples of some of the more expensive gifts you've received from sugar mommas.
Over my four years on SA, sugar mommas have given me custom suits, tuition, watches, shoes and other luxuries of the sort.
These suits would range from $600 to $2,000 each, the tuition amounts to roughly $2,600 every eighth weekend the watches range from $200 to $600.
For shoes, I'd say they're worth anywhere between $4,500 to $6,000 in total.
To date, how much money have you received from sugar mommas?
I have no clue. I received about $4,300 in my latest arrangement, but it's very hard to say. We'd been talking for a total of nine months. She was 53 years old, retired and owned prime real estate.
Do you ever feel guilty accepting money?
At first I did because I'm a man with a lot of pride. But once I realized that it was just someone wanting to make sure I was OK financially, I grew a lot more comfortable with the concept.
What does it take to be a successful male sugar baby?
To be a successful male sugar baby, you have to be in it because you genuinely enjoy the company of another mind. You have to be willing to listen to them about the life they lived and take something from that.
Just be genuine and treat them like actual people, not a paycheck.
To be a successful male sugar baby, you have to genuinely enjoy the company of another mind.
What is the appeal of a male sugar baby for a sugar momma?
For the most part, I've noticed that sugar mommas look more for the excitement and newness of a male sugar baby. They like to feel like they're back in their youth, and, like any other woman, enjoy the admiration that we provide.
How many sugar mommas or sugar daddies do you have at any given time?
I personally only get involved with one at a time. But altogether, I've had 12 sugar dads/moms.
Do you date outside of these arrangements?
Yes, I have dated outside of my arrangement before, and they were more than OK with it. It was actually encouraged, as that particular arrangement was more of a mentor type thing.
I'm not selling anything. My body is my body.
How important is a male sugar baby's appearance?
On a scale of one to 10, it's probably a nine. I feel as though men should always be well-groomed and kept together.
What are the main differences between how male sugar babies compare to traditional sugar babies?
There are very few differences, honestly. The only true difference is gender and the leniency towards "traditional" sugar babies. Women are at least somewhat expected to be given things by men, so a woman with the label is a lot more accepted than, say, a man like myself.
Who is more financially generous, sugar daddies or sugar mommas?
Sugar daddies are more generous.
Who is more sexually driven, sugar daddies or sugar mommas?
Sugar dads seem to have the higher sex drive.
Do you prefer sugar daddies or sugar mommas?
I'm open to both, but sugar dads are better because of the advice they can give and the simplicity in the dynamics shared.
The only thing that makes my situation different is that I chose to date outside of my social norm, or what is expected. It's a double standard.
Is there anything you'd like to say in defense of male sugar babies?
I would say that it takes more than just looks, but a real connection. Just like anyone else with any age gap, as long as you can communicate, you can't really knock a connection between two people.
So are you saying that you actually develop real, genuine feelings for these people? Because you're seeing multiple people, aren't you? This makes it seem more transactional.
Since I choose to date people who make more money than myself, that makes it transactional? But if I were to be dating someone in a pay grade similar to my own who still pampered me every now and then, that's OK?
When you first begin to date someone, do you solely commit to that person right away, or do you continue to play the field and weigh your options until you meet someone you're truly compatible with?
The only thing that makes my situation different is that I chose to date outside of my social norm, or what is expected. It's a double standard.
What do you say to people who liken sugar baby behavior to prostitution?
I'm not selling anything. My body is my body. There is no price that can be paid for partaking in it. No goods are being exchanged for anything, and I am not out on the streets nor am I expecting anything.
