Gentlemen, Why The Number Of Men She's Slept With Doesn't Matter
“What's your number?” is a question that many of us both dread and answer dishonestly. While it's an unproved theory, some say that women divide their number of sexual partners by three while men multiply by two, which suddenly turns the question into a math equation rather than a conversation.
Truthfully, within the past two years, I haven't had the balls to answer this question without hesitation. Something holds me back and makes my throat extra dry, as if I were attempting the saltine cracker challenge 1,854,657 subsequent times.
The second to last time I spoke those three words was the last time I saw “her.” We faced each other with an unbreakable eye contact that could have lasted for days. Her blue eyes shone like flashlights, switching colors as several Milwaukee buildings reflected in her pupils.
It was one of those silent looks that made all the noise in the world. After asking, everything changed. Her way-too-adorable smile instantly disappeared.
My immature double standards kicked in to judge her for a past of which I was not a part. But, who the hell am I to judge a woman based on the number of people with whom she has slept — who the hell is any man to do so? I still struggle to disregard the quantitative value, but I earnestly seek to improve this mentality.
Damage.
Creating a false reality stalls society rather than moves it forward, and it's damaging. These judgments form incorrect principles that we should not pass on to the future generation.
We mislabel women so often that it's no wonder why some come with oversized baggage. Every insult adds useless weight that can carry into their future. Just like picking the wrong Jenga block, the wrong move can crumble someone else's world instantaneously.
Losing Respect And Dignity.
Whether it's our own issues, male egos or need for empowerment, we disrespect ourselves with our own thinking. Judging won't lower a woman's count, nevertheless erase it. Change must come from within. Women should feel secure physically and mentally.
Our Mistake
Women and men alike need practice and no one should make them feel guilty for a decision that is ultimately her own. Whether it was X number of one-night stands or X number of failed relationships, we are all humans who have needs.
Choosing not to pursue a woman based on the number of people with whom she has slept is just plain stupid. It's a mistake to believe that all women fit the same mold; a mold that categorizes “perfect women” as the ones who have a low number and dismissing the ones who don't.
But truly, the number doesn't explain the past, the present, the future, nor ability to love. Character, morals and values need to be the main focus. Isn't experience sexy? There is nothing better than being with a confident woman who knows exactly what she is doing.
Not Missing Out
The final time I spoke those three words (to a different woman), we were hysterically laughing about a blanket that was too short to cover twenty toes. Her gorgeous, curvy body occupied the majority of the couch but I did not want her to move.
Previously, she beat me in a dance off, which left me beyond speechless. We free-styled and spoke about deeper subjects, like goals and life's purpose. After asking, everything changed.
Her maturity and lack of double standards taught me that the number of sexual partners is irrelevant. I could have missed out on an incredible woman who has an "above average number," but her intelligence, integrity, aspirations, reasoning, honesty, beauty, flaws, ethical way of thinking and imperfections kept us up all night talking.
For real
Women: Your past does not require an explanation, so be brave and own it. Do your thing, be happy, be proud, be safe and live without regrets. Everything that happens is a piece to the puzzle that shapes you.
Men: It's time for us to change our mindsets, so drop the antiquated ideology and enjoy the company of ladies who can actually teach us new tricks.
To the ones who are willing to change their opinions on a woman's “number,” I applaud you. To the ones who keep judging, discriminating and devaluing a woman's past, be my guest and thank you for missing out on some great treasures who I can now enjoy.
Top Photo Courtesy: TV Media
