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14 Naughty Holiday Cards That Will Make Your SO Laugh, Then Get Turned On

You and your significant other are a lot of things, but boring is not one of them.

Obviously, you're not going to get them the same lame, boring card you're sending your Aunt Bernice in Vermont.

No, you need to give them a card spicy enough to reflect your fantastic relationship.

BUT WHERE CAN YOU FIND SUCH A SEXY, SPICY, NAUGHTY, HILARIOUS CARD!?

Don't worry, I've got you covered.

I have the 14 best naughty holiday cards to give your significant other lined up for you right here. AND I EVEN INCLUDED LINKS TO WHERE YOU CAN BUY THEM.

I know, I know, I'm too good to you.

“LET'S MAKE OUT”

Christmas card with "Let's Make Out" pretend around a mistletoe.

Etsy

Because isn't that what the holidays are REALLY all about?

Buy on Etsy for $4.25.


“You have me. SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU COULD POSSIBLY WISH FOR BUT KNOCK YOURSELF OUT”

A Christmas card featured on Etsy with caption, "You have me. SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU COULD POSSIBLY WISH FOR SO KNOWCK YOURSELF OUT. oh and Merry Christmas!"

Etsy

I mean, honestly, your selfishness astounds me. You already have the hottest chick in the game…

Buy on Etsy for $4.50.


“THE ONLY PACKAGE I WANT THIS CHRISTMAS IS YOURS”

Christmas card with a photo of boxers decorated with Christmas lights with caption "THE ONLY PACKAGE I WANT THIS CHRISTMAS IS YOURS"

Etsy

That's right, I'm referring to your nuts and pretzel rod. Give me 'em — stat.

Buy on Etsy for $3.87.


“I Like Your Balls”

Christmas card featuring two ornaments with caption "I LIKE YOUR BALLS."

Etsy

They're so… ~jingly~.

Buy on Etsy for $5.


“YOU MAKE ME WET. PS MERRY CHRISTMAS.”

Plain white Christmas card with caption "YOU MAKE ME WET. PS MERRY CHRISTMAS."

Etsy

PS: That's not a bad thing.

Buy on Etsy for $2.87.


“ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOUR COCK”

Card with "ALL I WANT IS YOUR" written with a rooster drawn underneath with a Santa hat.

Etsy

I want to make it doodle-doo.

Buy on Etsy for $4.25.


“I'll cradle your dreidel.”

Hanukkah card with caption "I'll cradle your dreidel."

Etsy

All. Eight. Nights.

Buy on Etsy for $4.


“I'D HAVE GOTTEN YOU A MORE IMPRESSIVE GIFT IF YOU WEREN'T ALREADY SLEEPING WITH ME”

Card with a package drawn on it with caption "I'D HAVE GOTTEN YOU A MORE IMPRESSIVE GIFT IF YOU WEREN'T ALREADY SLEEPING WITH ME."

Etsy

I'm just overdoing it this year, basically.

Buy on Etsy for $3.87.


“Can't wait to jingle your BALLS”

Christmas card with caption "Can't wait to jingle your BALLS" laid down next to a red and white striped pencil and on top of a brown envelope.

Etsy

And play with your sleigh.

Buy on Etsy for $3.60.


“CAN I SLIDE DOWN YOUR CHIMNEY?”

Christmas card with a picture of Santa below caption, "CAN I SLIDE DOWN YOUR CHIMNEY?"

Etsy

Into home base?

Buy on Etsy for $5.


“THIS CHRISTMAS I WANTED TO SEND YOU SOMETHING SEXY, BUT THE POSTMAN TOLD ME TO GET OUT OF THE MAILBOX”

Brown Christmas card with caption, "THIS CHRISTMAS I WANTED TO SEND YOU SOMETHING SEXY BUT THE POSTMAN TOLD ME TO GET OUT OF THE MAILBOX."

Etsy

My lingerie didn't meet the “not dangerous” shipping standards.

Buy on Etsy for $3.25.


“Nice balls. Well hung.”

Christmas card with two ornaments and caption, "Nice balls. Well hung."

Etsy

And with care, too!

Buy on Etsy for $4.50.


“All I want for Christmas is you. (and your PENIS)”

Christmas card that reads, "All I want for christmas is you (and your penis)"

Etsy

Pretty much sums it up.

Buy on Etsy for $4.25.


“MY GIFT TO YOU”

Christmas card with caption, "MY GIFT TO YOU" above a stick figure with a package covering its privates.

Etsy

“It's my Dick in a box! My dick in a box, girrrrl.”

Buy on Etsy for $4.50.

Alright, now you have no excuse for buying the boring “Merry Christmas” card you were eyeing over at Rite Aid this morning. That clearly won't do for your SO anymore.

Why It's Hard To Date Around The Holidays

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Candice Jalili

Editor

Candice is a staff writer here at Elite Daily. She possesses both the body and the humor of a 15-year-old boy while she enjoys the lifestyle of a 75-year-old woman.
Candice is a staff writer here at Elite Daily. She possesses both the body and the humor of a 15-year-old boy while she enjoys the lifestyle of a 75-year-old woman.

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