The 9 Sexual Acts Those Trendy Butt Jeans Will Be Perfect For
Sometimes, fashion just out-fashions itself, causing the fashion industry to implode and produce fashionable jeans like these fashion-y, butt-baring ones below.
IT'S FASHION, YOU GUYS.
This pair of derriere-displaying denim is the brain child of a new collaboration by fashion brands Vetements and Levi's, and let's just say, they're a little too trendy for me.
But then again, the ASS-ETS (sorry, had to) I tend to highlight on myself include things like my collarbone, hairline and double chin, so maybe I just need to get into the butt world to feel confident in these babies.
Regardless, the perks of this pair of jeans are immediately obvious.
For one thing, you can very easily take a discreet poop in an emergency situation in the woods, without having to expose the rest of your bottom half.
For another, you can do some pretty fun sex stuff without taking off your clothes.
Here are ways to get down and dirty in these fashionable ass-less chaps, grouped by the obvious, the creative and the nuanced and rated from beginner to advanced difficulty.
The Obvious:
BEGINNER: Anal
Like, duh. If I didn't know any better, I would think these shorts were literally designed for a little P in B action.
INTERMEDIATE: Doggy style
Still, duh. I predict with the right maneuvering, you can definitely sneak in a little doggy action in these babies.
ADVANCED: Spooning sex
I'm assuming this takes some serious commitment and attention to detail, but in theory, a couple could flip on their side and go. To. Towwwwn.
The Nuanced:
BEGINNER: Foreplay
Use these jeans as a sexy way to set the mood and tease one another. Baring your skin without revealing your whole naked bod is a great way to get the mood going and spice things up before jumping into the real deal.
INTERMEDIATE: Oral sex
If you're into that whole "Marnie and the kitchen sink thing" from "Girls," these pants are for YOU, girl.
ADVANCED: Flower Power Move
Oh, this is when you stick a flower in your butthole and take a selfie for a sext. (It's advanced because you need additional props, obviously.)
The Extra Creative:
BEGINNER: The Conga line
This is when you're at a party, and a conga line breaks out, and you and the person behind you decide you want to get it on in the middle of the dance floor. Cha cha cha, babies.
INTERMEDIATE: Titanic
This is for those moments when you're standing on the bow of a ship. The person you want to have sex with stands behind you like he's Jack and you're Rose, and you're just freaking banging on the front of a fuckin' ship, dude.
ADVANCED: Waiting in line at the DMV
What better way to kill time while standing in line to get your driver's license renewed than to have sex with the person behind you in line? Just throw on these jeans with you're favorite driver's-license-photo-top and have at it!
This list above is just the "Butt Jeans Sex Starter Pack," and by no means is it all-inclusive.
There are, presumably, a million ways to get your groove on in these ass-tastic denim pants, and don't let me stop you from exploring all other options!
Citations: Spring's Hottest Look Is a Pair of Jeans That Shows Off Your Entire Bare Butt (NYMag)
