Why It’s Better To Be Single On Valentine’s Day

Why It’s Better To Be Single On Valentine’s Day
Sex
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Do you smell that? Love is in the air. Put your gas masks on, kids. Since Valentine’s Day is a sore subject for some, I’ve taken the liberty of renaming it: from now on, it shall be known as “Single People Awareness Day” (SPAD for short).

To put your minds immediately at ease, I’m not here to scold you for being single. Rather, I am here to applaud the people who have enough balls to be single on Valentine’s Day.

 

Also, I’m here to emancipate you from the claws of this stupid Hallmark Holiday and to bring to everyone’s attention why being single on SPAD is actually in everyone’s best interest. For years we’ve been brainwashed into believing that it’s unacceptable to be single on February 14th. Well, not only is it okay, but it’s celebrated. Happy SPAD bitches.

Why It's Better To Be Single On Valentine's Day

Below are the reasons it’s better to be single on Valentine’s Day:

 

Boning

Being a free agent during the month of February simply means that you get your pick of the litter when it comes to whom you want to have sex with. The shitty thing about being a “we” is that couples are basically obliged to have sex on Valentine’s Day, even though we all know they don’t want to.

Why It's Better To Be Single On Valentine's Day

Not you my friend. The best part about SPAD is that you get to have sex without buying an overpriced dinner beforehand. The single folk go out, party with their friends and target the vulnerable chick in the corner of the bar who’s on her 5th Vodka Tonic.

Spending Time With People Who Actually Matter

Not that you need an excuse, but SPAD is the perfect one to go out with your friends and be alone, together.  There’s something extra special about making fun of a PDA couple on SPAD with a bunch of your single friends.

Why It's Better To Be Single On Valentine's Day

Or, if you want to spend it by yourself, you can. Because having no obligations on SPAD means that you can park your ass on the couch, watch re-runs of whatever the hell you want to watch, and eat whatever the hell you want to eat while you do it.

No Expectations

If for nothing else, being single alleviates all the hype around having to do something spectacular for someone else. There’s no planning a month in advance. No ordering a bouquet full of half limp flowers. No limos, outfits or vagina waxes.

Why It's Better To Be Single On Valentine's Day

There is absolutely no pressure on you to do anything. Just go out and look at any couples behavior on SPAD. Would you want to be in their shoes? Didn’t think so.

 

Pretending to Like Your Bullshit Gifts

Being single on SPAD means that you don’t have to sit there are and smile through gritted teeth when you receive the following: stuffed animals that your dog will end up claiming as there own, edible underwear (what the fuck), chocolates that will make you fat and enough flowers to send you into anaphylactic shock.

Why It's Better To Be Single On Valentine's Day

A Penny Saved

Ah, the ultimate silver lining; avoiding impractical consumerism.  Shit’s not cheap nowadays, and the last thing you should be doing is buying somebody useless crap that they’re going to throw out anyway. The best part about being alone on SPAD is that you get to spend your money on someone’s who’s actually worth it, you!

Closing Thoughts: If you are one of those girls that absolutely needs to have a man for Valentine’s Day, I’d like to introduce you to Bob: Boyfriend On Batteries.

 

P.S: If anyone is interested, I’m still taking applications for a Valentine’s Day Date. Just kidding… no I’m not.

Gayana Sarkisova | Elite.

Follow Gayana on Twitter: @Gayana_Sark

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Gayana Sarkisova

A 20-something New Yorker who loves all black everything, sunglasses and the occasional glass (read: bottle) of wine. Has a bunch of fancy degrees from a bunch of fancy schools that she'll never use because it's a bloggers world and everyone else just lives in it. Self-proclaimed steak aficionado, chick flick enthusiast, advice giver and sarcastic commentator.

More In Sex

Sex Paul Hudson

12 Things We Can All Start Doing To Get Rid Of The Hook-Up Culture

I was once the frontrunner of the hook-up culture our generation has created. OK, I may be exaggerating a bit, but when you stop counting how many people you’ve slept with – or lose count – it’s probably a sign that you’re stuck in the pointless cycle that is our hook-up culture. Sure, sex is […]

Sex Dan Scotti

Fake It ‘Til You Make It: Why So Many Men Are Admitting To Faking Orgasms

I, personally, have never faked an orgasm while in between the sheets. The way I see it, engaging in intercourse and not finishing lacks as much motivation as smoking “a certain substance” without inhaling (cough, Bill Clinton, ahem). But, hey – just because I haven’t done something certainly doesn’t mean it’s never been done before. […]

Sex Alexandra Elich

How The Commonality Of Divorce Taught Me To Love Differently

As Millennials, we have grown up in the era of Disney movies, “The Notebook” and Carrie Bradshaw all telling us that we should not settle for anything less than butterflies, and true love will conquer all. Blah, blah, blah. However, in a time where we need an ATM receipt and blood type before we even […]

Also On Elite

Humor

This Is Probably The Most Accurate Sex Spreadsheet You’ll See (Photo)

If you’re one of those people who doesn’t concern him or herself with international conflicts over disputed territories, then yesterday’s biggest news story featured a husband who kept a spreadsheet of the excuses his wife used to avoid sex since the beginning of July. A picture of the document quickly went viral, and even garnered a […]

World

Fox News’ Fear Of Transgender Bathrooms Gets Shot Down On Live Television (Video)

FOX doesn’t understand transgendered people, and therefore, I don’t understand FOX. Recently, Illinois State University announced that it would be relabeling some of its “family” restrooms on campus as “all-gender” to accommodate gender-variant and transgender students who face violence and harassment in public restrooms. All the restrooms will be identified by a sign with a symbol featuring […]

Life

14 Ways Old People Make Social Media A Terrible Place For Everyone

Like it or not, old people are starting to figure out the Internet. They might not be the target demographic for many of the websites and apps that Millennials know and love, but somehow they’re finding out about them. Slowly but surely, elderly folks are infiltrating the online sphere, and I’m not sure how I […]

Envision

How Well Do You Know Emoji? Try Spotting All 68 Of Them In This Video

At this point, emoji have become a social staple in the way we interact with each other every day. In fact, if emoji tests were part of our college curriculums, we’d probably ace every single exam with flying colors. Unfortunately, they’re not, but that’s a discussion for another day. In a recent video uploaded to Vimeo, we’re […]