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Why Sex Doesn’t Always Involve Intimacy

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Ashley Fern

Can you have sex without intimacy? Can you have intimacy without sex? Is this even healthy? Modern society has separated sex and intimacy when they used to be one in the same. Traditionally speaking, intimacy and sex were factors of a long-term, committed relationship. However, this generation has conceptualized a new era of sex: the hook up culture, where intimacy has taken a backseat.

Sex used to be an expression of love between two people. Of course, there are still tons of people who practice this way, but the casual nature of sex is an ever-present factor in today’s culture.

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s one of the best.”

Intimacy is more than just a physical connection. It comes from forming a deep connection with another person. It’s about knowing their hopes, goals, fears and what makes them who they are. In this type of relationship, sex and intimacy go hand-in-hand, as one builds the other.

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People go out and have sex with people they just met that night and don’t give it a second thought. They do it just to do it. Maybe it’s because we crave companionship, that we seek it out in any way we can get it. Although not the most long-term gratifying way, the immediate effects can sometimes be worth it — or so we tell ourselves.

“Intimacy is not purely physical, it’s the act of connection with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.”

The concept of “making love” is so far gone from our mentalities that we actually laugh at the thought of using this phrase to describe sex. The fact that we use common terms such as “banging” to describe a once sacred act is actually disturbing. There are an ever-growing number of people who engage in sexual activity for the pure sake of pleasure. This is completely fine, but sooner or later, this will catch up to you.

The worst thing you can do is to start having casual sex with something with no intention of falling for them, but before you know it, you actually do. If you choose to go about this, you need to make sure this is truly what you want. Be open and honest with the person you are involved with. Make sure you both are on the same page to avoid any sort of disappointment — adjust your expectations and make sure you are consistent in your actions. Do not equate sex with love; this is the downfall for many “friends with benefits” relationships.

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“Intimacy without commitment is like icing without cake; it can be sweet but it’s going to end up making you sick.”

People who mistake sex for love are in for a rude awakening, they will be emotionally crushed more times in their lifetimes than most other people. Sex does not always need to mean something. Sometimes sex is just that — sex. It could always lead to something more, but the act itself does not.

Sex with love and sex without love are two completely different experiences. The former is tied to a relationship with a person you have true feelings for. This allows the sex to reach a deeper and more meaningful level. You aren’t banging out just to do it — you are taking part in the most intimate of acts intended to bring you and your partner to extreme levels of pleasure.

The latter, however, focuses on the carnal nature of our humanity. We don’t give a sh*t about the other person in this equation, we only care about ourselves. Sex just for the hell of it can be fun, but it does not hold the same meaning that sleeping with someone you love does.

“If there is any question to the state of a committed relationship look in the bedroom. Every flaw and strength will manifest within your sexual encounters or lack thereof.”

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This inconsistency is perhaps what has led to the dramatic increase in divorce rates. Too many people are under the false impression that intimacy and sex are the same thing. Intimacy honestly does not even have much to do with sex. It is more so the connection you feel with someone else and how they make you feel in return. If you want to have a successful future relationship, spend the initial stages of your relationship getting to know each other on a deeper, more emotional level.

Find someone you can be completely comfortable with outside of the bedroom. Good sex will only take you and your relationship so far. Sure, it may be a great aspect of it, but that is not what will allow the partnership to last and grow. Instead, focus on fostering the emotional qualities that will stand the test of time.

Photos via Tumblr

Ashley Fern

Ashley Fern

Editor

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