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Understanding Women: Unlocking The Mystery Of What Women Really Want

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Paul Hudson

Women, women, women…can’t live with ‘em, can’t go gay. They are the nourishers, the caregivers, the reason the human race continues to survive and while we understand that they, like all men, are human — most men are at a complete loss when it comes to understanding women. Personally, I never found them to be quite the mystery that everyone makes them out to be.

This is not to say that they aren’t complex and occasionally complicated creatures, but they are rational beings. Most men confuse irrationality with emotional intensity. More often than not, a man comes up with such excuses because he either over rationalizes or falls to the popular explanation of women being non-understandable enigmas. The truth is much simpler; like men, women want what is best for them. Unlike most men, women have the ability to give themselves wholly to their life partner and to their families.

If anything, women should be easier to understand than men. Women understand the importance of connecting with the rest of the human race while men prefer solitude. I should probably apologize ahead of time seeing as how I am a man myself and therefore am likely to misinterpret women. So if that is the case, then I am sorry. I do hope though that this article will help some of you get a better understanding of why women act the way they do and prove that women aren’t crazy, just misunderstood.

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Women want to be respected.

In order to understand anyone — women or men — you must understand what it is that they want. With that being said, the first thing that women want, which you may notice also goes for men, is to be respected. They do not want to be respected as women, but rather as individuals — as people. This is where the seeming contradiction often appears.

Well, one of them anyway. Women want to be seen as important individuals with important contributions in their field and/or society. They do not want to be singled out as being very good female employees — female lawyers, female doctors, female CEOs — they want to be singled out as just being very good at what they do. They do not want their sex to factor into the equation. Yet, at the same time, they want to be respected as women. They don’t necessarily want to be one of the guys; they just want to be acknowledged as being good or better than the guys.

Women are proud to be women and while they do not want to be singled out for being women, they want others to see them as women. This is easier understood when you separate work life and social life (social life inside or outside of the workplace). When it comes to their careers and accomplishments, women do not want their sex to be emphasized. However, when it comes to social interaction, women (most I believe) still want to be treated as women.

Some may find certain jokes or interactions inappropriate. Others may be more comfortable — it really depends on the individual. One thing that is certain is that women want to be respected as women and treated as women, but not to have it put upon them that being a woman is some sort of handicap.

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Women want to be understood without having to explain themselves.

This is another point at which, if the woman hasn’t lost the man already, she most certainty has him scratching his head now. Women are looking to connect with a man on a deep level — on a level so deep-seated that the need for words sheds from necessity. I am sure that every man has heard a woman say at some point or another: “I don’t want to have to explain it to you. You should know.”

This is the point at which the man in the relationship will exclaim that he isn’t a mind reader and can’t possibly know what craziness she could be conjuring up in that head of hers. The truth is that women are looking for just that — mind readers. Not in the literal sense of course, but they do want a man that understands them enough to know what they would like, what they would not like, what they would find appropriate or inappropriate, how they want to be treated, how they are feeling and why they are feeling that way.

Women want a man that gets them — a man that does not need a full explanation of her inner workings each and every time that something meaningful needs addressing. She does not want to have to explain to you how and why she is feeling the way she is and why her mood has changed. She expects you to know her well enough, to be connected to her well enough, to not need a summary. The beauty of this is that in most cases as long as the man actually listens to the woman regularly and is close with her, then what goes on in her mind will be discernable.

Her actions alongside a basic knowledge of the way she thinks — which any man in a relationship ought to know — is enough to predict the most likely cause of her unhappiness. Besides, if the woman is unhappy then her man should be doing everything in his power to pinpoint the issue and resolve it; most often this sort of effort is enough to brighten her day.

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Women want to be cared for.

Women can take care of themselves…but that doesn’t mean that they want to be the only ones looking out for them. The whole point of being in a relationship — other than for having incredible sex on the regular — is to have a partner in crime, someone who wants to help you achieve your goals and make your dreams a reality, someone who has your back.

Women need to believe that their man will be there for them when sh*t hits the fan. They need to know that their man will be there when they need help painting the apartment, help getting through a stressful situation, help getting over a cold. Women want someone who will be there for them regardless of whether or not they ask.

In fact, they don’t want to ask; they want you to voluntarily, happily and caringly make sure that their needs are met and that they stay happy. Women want the man to always have the woman’s opinion in mind; whether it is picking a place to have dinner, deciding on a movie to watch or picking out a holiday gift, the woman wants her man to have an understanding of what she likes and — more importantly — care that that is what she likes.

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Women want to be loved.

Obviously. Who doesn’t? Explaining exactly what love is has proven to be impossible for the last…well, since ever. What matters is not what love is; what matters is how the man can make the woman feel loved. This is important to remember because what you as the man consider to be loving does not necessarily correlate with what she as the woman believes to be loving.

What exactly making her feel loved entails will vary from individual to individual. Which brings me to my next point — the woman wants the man to know how she would like to be loved, what the best way to make her feel loved is. Love initially comes without warning and without much effort. What proves to be more difficult is keeping its longevity. In order to keep the love alive, you must keep each other’s feeling of love alive. You may think what you want, but I believe that doing so is centered on the concept of romance.

Again, keeping the romance will differ between couples, just as any relationship differs from the next. For one couple, it may be a candlelit dinner, for another it may be eating hot dogs and drinking 40s while sitting on an overpass and spitting at cars as they drive by. Women need their man to keep the romance alive and need their man to make them feel loved.

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Above all, they want to establish a connection; they don’t want to be alone.

We come into this world alone and we leave it alone. The one thing that we all try to hang onto while it’s a possibility is companionship. We want to believe that we are not entirely alone in this life and that we are capable of becoming part of something meaningful. When the bond between a man and woman increases in intensity, it is as if the two begin to swap parts of each other.

A piece of the man melts into the woman and a piece of the woman fuses with the man. Whether or not you believe in a spiritual plane underlying the physical world is irrelevant. Our “spirits” or souls or whatever have you do not need to factor into the equation for two people to come closer to becoming one. Our thoughts, ideas, likes and dislikes allow for us — in a sense — to merge with another.

If we as human beings are a sum of our actions and thoughts, then believing that bonding with someone on an emotional and physical level causes us to become part of the other is not a stretch. This is what women want. They want for their man to understand them to such a great extent and at such an intricate level that they feel as if their man has become part of them and that they have likewise become part of their man. When you get down to it, what women really want is the same thing men want: to connect, to grow and to give life a meaning outside of oneself.

Photos via Tumblr 

Paul Hudson

Paul Hudson

Staff Writer

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