Why Valentine’s Day Is The Worst Thing Ever

Why Valentine’s Day Is The Worst Thing Ever
Sex

Valentine’s Day is a bullshit, vastly profitable holiday marketed by Hallmark to give you an excuse to stuff your face with chocolate and spend all your money on useless flowers and shitty jewelry. It’s the worst day of the year and pedestrians eat that shit up.

At least on New Year’s Eve or Santa Con you can man tequila to the face to get through the occasion, — Valentine’s Day is all about moderation. It’s a romantic glass of red wine and slow, weak and emotional banging — because that’s love, of course — and you may have realized by now that I give zero f*cks.

You might have figured this was coming your way, since we like to boycott all pedestrian holidays, but this one is at the top of our hit lists for a variety of reasons. Firstly, if you are “lucky” enough to be sustaining an enjoyable relationship, you shouldn’t subscribe to an arbitrary occasion in order to display your love and passion. Valentine’s Day is an excuse for a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend to act extra nice one day of the year to make up for all the hoes banged on the side.

There’s a wild misconception that these lovers, because they went above and beyond on Valentine’s Day, are actually perfect. Even if the next day they’re still the same assholes. Heading into any old drug store and picking up a generic teddy bear or an atrocious frilly heart filled with chocolates isn’t an expression of genuine love. If you truly care about someone, then one god-awful day of the year isn’t the only time you show it.

Alas, the holiday is only worsened because the expectation falls on the guy’s side. This is our time to impress our girlfriends, lovers or steady booty calls. It’s a girl’s second birthday as they are lavished with presents, fancy dinners and flowers — bitches love flowers – and even the occasional eat out. Christmas just came f*cking early. It transforms us into Prince Charming for the day because society pressures us into believing this is the only right thing to do.

It’s not as if Hallmark makes a card: “Happy Valentine’s Day. Here’s a card; it shows I care. Now suck my dick.” We’re stuck being a bitch for the day, doling out cash, and getting jack shit in return.

Why is it that we don’t get chocolates? Why can’t our girl impress us? It’s not as if she’s girlfriend of the year either. Sorry, but I’m an alpha male, if this holiday means I have to be a bitch for a day just because love is in the air — I ain’t about that kind of life.

Aside from the fact that this “holiday” forces people to mime a feeling they probably don’t have, it’s derived from a materialist effort to symbolize hackneyed displays of love. Call me, or J-lo, old-fashioned, but love shouldn’t cost a thing. This world is expensive enough as it is. This occasion has become a gold digger’s wet dream; the quality of her man and his feelings is dependent on how much he spent on her.  We’ve prefaced love with a dollar sign.

We carried around your flowers all day, dealt with your endless chocolate binge, and thoughtfully ripped some R-Kelly lyrics for a heartfelt card. Guys only pretend to care on Valentine’s Day in the hope of an uninspiring blowjob or a rhythm-less hump at the day’s end.  Other than that we could care less when the next day we wake up and everything is the same – aside from the dent in our bank accounts.

It’s an artificial, rootless holiday with a backbone it pretends is love, but is really money. Just like love in itself, it’s all feigned. The truth is that we’re all f*cking nymphos cursed with the binding construct of monogamy. We all cheat, we’re all whores and none of us will ever really be happy with just one other person after the extinguishing of the honeymoon phase. After that it all turns miserable and we are itching for a way out of it.

Sure we’ve all felt love early on, but we soon realized the shit doesn’t last. Valentine’s Day is a holiday of negative space, something we wish we could spend with someone else or no one at all. Fidelity is impossible, we don’t know love, so it’s just easier to pretend the one day of the year.

Valentine’s Day is a confusing mess for most people. We live in a deconstructed society filled with diluted boundaries and no labels. We don’t have titles and we fear calling anyone our girlfriend’s because of the walls we build around ourselves. Valentine’s Day is that roadblock, the day that begs us to define to the steady booty what we think of them.

Either a steady realizes it’s nothing real, because we’re spending the day with another girl; or she looks at it as an opportunity to bump up the status from just casual sex and complicates things; or the girl assumes any effort makes her your girlfriend. It’s a nightmare any way you look at it.

Valentine’s day is the refresh button for casual sex. It makes everyone reconsider what they want from the arrangement: more or less. And there’s nothing worse than seeing an ex you hate enjoy the occasion more than you.

Lastly, girls are idiots. Especially when it comes to Valentine’s Day, I once banged a girl who dumped her boyfriend of four years on Valentine’s Day because he didn’t make the effort of visiting her. Spiteful much?

If you do really love someone, and are lucky enough to be with someone you enjoy beyond sex, then you should do nice things for him or her all the time and show that you care — not just one day out of the year.

Preston Waters | Elite. 

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Preston Waters

Preston Waters is a thinker. He's not your traditional philosophical persona, however, as he leaves no topic untouched. Covering all the bases, from business to women, Preston Waters is the ultimate man's man for Gen-Y.

More In Sex

Sex Joe Welkie

Why Women Might Be Responsible For The Creation Of The Hook-Up Culture

It seems that every day I read a new article about a new progression in the dating landscape. Recently, I have noticed that women are upset about the current trends of hooking up. Many women believe that this “hook-up culture” has made dating impossible because guys only want to hook up. Some women feel that […]

Sex Sabrina Cugliari

Why Hook-Up Culture Is Not The Problem With The Gen-Y Dating Game

If I never hear the term “hook-up culture” again, it will be too soon. Everything that is seemingly wrong with our generation has been attributed to the above phrase. Do you have a fear of intimacy? Are you unable to take responsibility for your actions? Blame it on the hook-up culture. A certain moral panic has […]

Sex Paul Hudson

The Torture Of Loving A Person Who Doesn’t Love You Back

The first woman I ever fell in love with didn’t feel the same way about me. This wasn’t some sort of crush either. I really did fall in love and she really didn’t care for me that much. Sure, we would see each other pretty regularly. She was happy to see me, but not exactly […]

Sex Bridget Boland

Is It Time To Call It Quits? When To Know A Relationship Is Over

We are the generation twice removed from the Cleavers; the aftermath of the rise in divorce rates. We have seen all kinds of relationships modeled for us. In some ways, this transparency of what happens in other marriages is helpful, but it also creates uncertainties when trying to create our own. Being a member of Gen-Y can feel like you […]

Also On Elite

World

Bin Laden’s Son-In-Law Gets Convicted Of Conspiring To Kill Americans

Sulaiman Abu Ghaith, a son-in-law of Osama bin Laden, was convicted on Wednesday of conspiring to kill American citizens. Following September 11, Abu Ghaith (48) is quoted saying that “the storm of airplanes will not stop.” A jury in Manhattan reached this verdict after a five-hour deliberation. The sentencing is set for September 8, and […]

Sports

Then And Now: How 2014′s Kentucky Wildcats Are Topping Michigan’s Fab Five Of 1992

Even if there’s good reason to do so, it feels borderline sacrilegious to compare John Calipari’s Kentucky Wildcats to the Fab Five freshmen of Michigan University’s 1991-92 men’s basketball team. After all, the phenomenal group of first-year students that descended upon Michigan’s Ann Arbor campus in the Fall of ’91 was the first of its […]

Film

There Are Two Awesome ‘Arrested Development’ References In Disney’s ‘Frozen’

Someone behind “Frozen” is a big “Arrested Development” fan. I love stuff like this! The writer behind the idea never came out and admitted to these undeniable references, but let fans of the show discover them themselves. It is no surprise that they were discovered, as “Arrested Development” has gathered a cult-like following, and same […]

Music News

EDM And Politics Collide: Toronto Follows Trend To Ban Electronic Music Events

In a shady political move performed by Zlatko Starkovski, owner of Muzik Nightclub in Toronto, the city council of Toronto has banned EDM events from the Direct Energy and Better Living buildings at Exhibition Place — a publicly-owned venue. The ploy by Starkovski began with political contributions made to Mayor Rob Ford’s campaign back in 2010, and by […]