Why The Stereotypical Jersey Girl Sucks
As a Jersey native and a female, I can honestly say that I’m not negatively biased against New Jersey. I love my state; I never want to leave it. There are few places in this country where you have the beach, city and mountains all within an hour’s driving distance, and even a mall located conveniently every fifteen miles down the road.
I’m proud to be from New Jersey, but I’m more proud that my friends and I do not fit into the Jersey Girl stereotype – because the Jersey Girl ruins the reputation of my beloved state.
The stereotypical Jersey Girl is a father’s worst nightmare – what parents pray their daughter will never become.
She wears enough bronzer to ensure that her face is six shades darker than that of her neck and body, and she shops at the lowest of the low-end stores like Mandees and Joyce Leslie for any tight, breast bearing corset she can find. She fries her hair with heat damage and platinum blonde highlights and is rarely seen without a perfectly teased rat’s nest hairstyle.
At night, one may find a Jersey Girl outside of the clubs in low-income neighborhoods wearing a sports bra, booty shorts and chain-smoking Newports.
During the day, this girl could be found posing in front of Photo Booth on her MacBook and taking pictures of herself dramatically looking to the side while holding up her middle finger, which is so discreetly donned with a six inch acrylic nail. She then posts this picture to Facebook, and captions it with the raunchiest, most conceited rap lyric she can find, and always ends the quote with a wink emoticon.
In the summer, there’s no other place to spot a Jersey Girl than Seaside. A full face of makeup and a smokey eye is appropriate for the beach. When the sun goes down, wearing animal print is the outfit of choice for walking up and down the boardwalk on the prowl for her one night stand.
Jersey Girls are attracted to only men that overly wax their eyebrows, wear Ed Hardy and Affliction, use ¾ of a bottle of gel daily, blow kisses in pictures and still think that MTV’s The Jersey Shore is still relevant. The Jersey Girl’s boyfriend also does not care that their girlfriend has over 90 likes from different guys on a profile picture of her in a bikini.
Jersey Girls normally do not possess any significant life skills or intelligence, so they perform poorly in academics and are limited in professions. Most Jersey Girls find themselves as club promoters, “models” or makeup artists. Career choices are limited for people who replace their O’s with zeros in messages: “H3y, c0m3 0ut 2 the club t0n!!”
Jersey Girls think that yoga pants are a closet staple, perfectly acceptable to wear to any place or event. School, work, the bar, funerals, weddings – you name it and yoga pants are deemed acceptable. Jersey Girls pair their yoga pants with a tight, revealing top – fishnet is ideal – and fifteen dollar heels. Jewelry pulls the whole look together: a Jersey Girl would never go out without an eighteen inch long bedazzled cross necklace and hoop earrings.
If this girl doesn’t already seem appealing to you, strike up a conversation with her the next time you spot one. Her inability to pronounce words with more than four syllables, lack of awareness and aggressive “I-ain’t-afraid-to-fight-you-bitch” attitude will surely turn you on.
I blame Myspace and Jersey Shore for this travesty, and pray that one day this lapse in judgment goes unwritten from New Jersey’s history books. And please, everyone, stop with the stupid mirror pictures.