I get a lot of emails from my readers, unfortunately more than I can actually answer, but there’s a pattern. It seems that many women make the same mistakes over and over regardless of the stage of their relationships.
In order to help you correct these mistakes, to help you stand out from all the other women, to get you closer to the healthier, happier, relationship you’ve been wanting, I’ve identified the 10 major mistakes most women tend to make. If you can at least understand and try to correct these mistakes, I promise you, your relationship will change for the better.
Let’s get to it.
1. You Act Jealous/Insane When He Looks At Or Talks To Other Women
As a man, I can confidently say that it’s in our nature to look at attractive women. If you just act jealous and flip out when we do, it shows us that you’re insecure. Being insecure is a very big turn off for guys. If you find that you’re constantly jealous when he’s around other women, you need to reevaluate some issues in this relationship. First, you need to build up your self-esteem. No man will want to cheat on a woman who’s confident in herself and secure in the relationship. Second, you need to evaluate the trust issues found in this relationship. More so, do you trust him or not?
And finally, you need to see if he’s trying to make you jealous on purpose (or that he is actually trying to cheat). If a man is trying to cheat, he WILL NEVER try to do it in front of you (at least no smart man will). That being said, if he’s talking to a woman in front of you, know that he’s probably just talking.
Jealousy is an unnecessary emotion, an unnecessary strain that people put on their minds. At the end of the day, if one wants to cheat, he will cheat regardless of the fact that you’re jealous or not. Acting jealous will only destroy a relationship, regardless of what the other person is doing. With that in mind, what’s the point of wasting precious energy on something like jealousy when you could be doing a LOT more productive things in that time?
You need to believe in yourself, you need to be sure that the person you’re with has absolutely no reason to cheat on you and if he does do it, then he’s the ONLY one losing out. If any guy cheats on you, it’s a sign telling you that the relationship was headed down the wrong path from the start, anyway. It wasn’t meant to be. The first thing on your mind should be, “Thank God this happened now!”
2. You’re Not Giving Him His Space
If a man is in a bad mood or does not feel like talking, it’s always best to leave him alone. Men are not women; we do not share the same emotions and wants. Men often do not enjoy talking about their issues in the same way women do. They would much rather hold it in and sort it out internally. Trying to get him to open up when he just wants to deal with his issues personally could backfire and could result in serious fights breaking out.
3. You’re Letting Yourself Go
I would say this is the number one reason why most men leave relationships and also why many men feel inclined to cheat within a relationship. It’s just a shame to see the incredible amount of women that think once they’re in relationships it’s just ok to let go and stop shaving their legs, fixing their hair, etc. If anything, these women should feel more motivated to make an effort to look sexy and attractive for their men in order to keep that sexual energy buzzing. If you were ever in a relationship and felt like “your sex life died,” this is probably the reason.
4. You Have No Life Outside The Relationship
Do your best to NOT become one of those women that focuses her entire life on the relationship. Don’t be that woman that forgets her friends and remembers about them only when there are problems in the relationship. This not only suffocates the man, but it also makes you look needy, another major turn off for any man.
5. You’re Being Passive Aggressive
This is probably the number once skill that women have, and it also makes men crazy. If he asks you what’s wrong and you say nothing and then just mope around waiting for him to press you further, you’ll just cause building anger and resentment. He will do it for a while; he will KNOW that you’re actually upset, but if you constantly do this, it will reach a point in which he’ll just stop caring, and that’s when the fights start to happen.
All of this can be avoided if you’re just straightforward with him whenever you have an issue.
6. You’re Nagging Him
Nobody is perfect, and that includes the guy you’re dating. Constantly telling him what he’s not doing right is never the way to let a man know that there’s something he could be doing differently. If you actually want to see a change, tell him, “I just love it when you do ___.”
7. You’re Not Appreciating Him For What He Does
Again, you need to stop looking at the things he isn’t doing and try to focus more on what he is actually doing. Acknowledge and appreciate him for the good that he does. The more appreciation he receives from you, the more he’ll try to please you in return.
8. You’ve Got Grouchy Girlfriend Syndrome
This is probably the biggest turn off in my relationships. I’m a positive person and just hate it when the person next to me is being grouchy/bitter/whiny 24/7. We, as men, understand that you’re having bad days, but seriously? Every day? Believe me, nobody wants to hang around a negative person. Try to see the good in your life and your relationship. This mentality will not only help you in your relationships, but it will also help your life in the long run.
Whilst on the subject, the only thing worse than being grouchy 24/7 is blaming the guy for your negative mood. Let’s say he makes a silly mistake when you’re already feeling grouchy. When he makes this mistake, you get in a worse mood and take it out on him, and you justify being grouchy as a result. Believe me, this is worse than acting negative all the time.
I’ve had male friends that constantly complained about how they hadn’t done anything wrong, and their girlfriends were upset for a week. By the time the women were able to lift their moods up, something new always came up and they were upset again. In the end, they all broke up with these girls. I can assure you, if you’re doing this, he will eventually break up with you.
9. You’re Trying To Change Him
Many women go relationships seeing a guy’s flaws but thinking that, eventually, they’ll be able to change him. That mentality is wrong and the main reason why those relationships eventually fail. When you start a relationship, you need to take that person for exactly who he is, not who you want him to be.
With regards to minor things like picking the wrong shoes, you can be gentle and encouraging. There’s no need to criticize him or make him feel stupid. Say it in a way that will make him feel good and inspired to change on his own. For example, “You look really sexy in that outfit, but I think you’d look even sexier with those other shoes.” Make him value your opinion, not hate it.
10. You’re Not Loving Him In the Way That He Wants
Every single person feels love differently. Many women feel loved when their partner is supportive, or when he brings her a bouquet of flowers. These gestures might mean nothing to a man. Guys have their own way of feeling loved and that way is often, VERY DIFFERENT from the way women feel love. If you just give him the kind of love you hope to receive, he will almost never feel loved.
You need to pay attention to how he responds to various things in order to work out what makes him feel truly loved. Once you know what it is, keep doing it as often as you can. To give you some examples: personally, I liked to be kissed and hugged a lot, other guys would like a hot meal at the end of the day (which I love too), others a cup of tea, others might want a massage, or sex, or even just sticking with him through the hard times. Whatever it is, you need to find it and replicate it as often as you can.
This is the sort of stuff I discuss on my blog and in the free eBook I give out. If you want to increase your love life’s success, visit TheSingleWomanGuide.com – a place where the conventional “dating mindset” is thrown out the window in favor of more direct and fruitful methods of meeting, attracting and keeping a quality man in your life.
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