Though the reasons may vary, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you’ll end up dating people who are completely wrong for you.
And it’s not something that only happens to young people. Even later in life, we can find ourselves in toxic relationships. It happens. We’re only human.
When you’re seriously into someone it’s easy to forget that you deserve to be loved completely, not partially or conveniently. Plus, as awful as toxic relationships can be, they often make you stronger in the end. Being heartbroken is no cakewalk, but it’s a rite of passage into the real world.
You’re a strong woman, and this is just a blip on the radar. When you look back on it you’ll have the confidence to know you were too good for him the entire time. Way too good.
Like all things in life, surviving a toxic relationship brings with it many valuable life lessons. Here are 10 of the most critical takeaways.
1. The relationship you have with yourself is #1.
When you’re in love, it can be easy to get so wrapped up in the other person that you forget about yourself and your values. If you start to feel like you’re losing yourself, you probably are.
The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. But when your relationship is toxic the lines can start to blur. If that happens, then it’s time to get out. BYE.
2. You have to stand your ground.
Learning to stand up for yourself doesn’t always come naturally, but it gets easier the more you work at it.
Not everyone has your best interests at heart. Certain people will try to take advantage of you. If you’re aware of that it’s less likely to happen.
Bottom line: Don’t forget to have confidence in yourself. Channel your inner Beyoncé, put on some empowering music and summon the courage to BE YOU.
3. Obsession is NOT love.
Love is a combination of many things. It’s not just sex, spark and fire. It’s about respect, commitment and communication.
Having an intense attraction is not the same as love. It will not keep you warm on cold nights, and it won’t hold your hand when you’re sick.
4. Love is a two-way street.
In the aftermath of a toxic relationship you start to realize how much effort you were putting in — and how little you were getting back.
When you’re ready for your next relationship, you realize that love works both ways: You should get as much as you give. You now have solid #RelationshipGoals to aspire to.
5. Someone who really loves you will lift you up.
Love shouldn’t hurt all the time. It’s not normal to have chronic love anxiety.
If you’re with the wrong person you’ll start to want more for yourself. Love can hurt, but it shouldn’t be painful. It should make you feel weak in the knees, not just plain weak.
You’re going to build the other person up, and you deserve a partner who will do the same.
6. Your first instincts are almost always correct.
Love can make you ignore all-too-apparent red flags and warning signs.
But when you go through a heartbreak you’ll begin to trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it very well could be. You’ve got instincts for a reason, so follow them.
7. You cannot make someone love you.
There’s no use trying to force someone to love you when he could not care less. A toxic person will give you just enough to string you along. It’s never enough.
When you want that other person so badly that you’re willing to do anything, you will really understand what it means to be in a toxic relationship. YOU should be the one getting chased.
8. You deserve love 100 percent of the time.
You don’t deserve to be loved solely when another person is in the right mood. The person who deserves you will not love parts of you, but all of you. You’re AMAZING 100 percent of the time, and the right person will know that.
9. You’ll never choose someone who acts like him or her again.
After dating someone who isn’t a good fit, you won’t make that mistake again. You quickly learn what makes for a healthy, magical relationship, the kind you’ve always wanted.
You’re now on the lookout for signs that this person IS right for you. You know what you don’t want, so it’s that much easier to find what you DO want.
10. You are the only person who can set yourself free.
No matter how much it hurts, you will survive. Your toxic relationship will not even occupy a page in a chapter of the book that is your life. It will MAYBE warrant a sentence.
Falling in love is incredible — when it’s love and not merely an obsession. Remember that you absolutely can and WILL move on. There are PLENTY of fish in the sea. And you’re a catch. So get it, girl.
Falling in love is all a part of being human. Like love, magic is a drug. CLICK HERE to catch up now on The Magicians and see why millions have been hooked.