The Right Time For A Relationship

It's true, we're the ones who shape our own future. It's our desire to achieve, our passion to succeed and our willingness to be the best that drives us every day.

Like a self-perpetuating engine, we do not cease to strive for who we want to be. We are the only ones responsible for the next steps in life. We are the change. We are in charge.

There is nothing wrong with this self -induced eagerness to perform at our peak, yet it feels like those inner forces of motivation and dedication sometimes lose the relentless battle against our daily routine. Sometimes we don't feel like doing anything; we are human after all.

It's crucial, every once in a while, to focus our attention on what we can do to better ourselves, how we can adapt and reinvent ourselves every day. The hype around positivity in recent years has shifted all the attention to how we,  as human beings, can change our lives, how we find drive and inspiration from our inner self.

This self-reliance is important to your success; however, you have eventually to consider the benefits of having someone else who inspires and motivates you. Yes, sure, you are invincible. But maybe give it a shot anyway, because it might be time for a girlfriend.

An important question surfaces: Is there room in the construct that is gen-Y to have and maintain an honest relationship? Do we have the time and the nerve to fall in love and maintain a well functioning relationship? The thought of having both a fulfilling professional life and a person to love is intriguing, yet tough to realize.

The challenge should be to excel in both our personal and professional life. Therefore we work hard. Very hard. We aim for the top and we want to successfully present ourselves in the rigorous world of business. Though the counter-balance is necessary: it is just as important to engage in your personal and private life so that you're aware that you're not the center of the world.

The competitive mindset required to succeed in business can very well seem harsh, ignorant and ruthless at times; it is an attitude that seriously juxtaposes the ingredients necessary for a harmonious relationship. So is the work animal of today even compatible with a loving girlfriend? Can he accommodate emotions and facilitate a relationship?

We have to ask ourselves, is there more to life than being number one in business? Success comes at a price, and mostly that price tag can't be understood in monetary terms. Winning professionally often means losing personally.

On the other hand, having a girlfriend means fostering a lifestyle where you have to lay down the emotional armor that helps you fight your way up in the harsh surrounding of work. You create a different source of security, motivation and satisfaction.

We have this innate desire to communicate, to socialize and to bond with other humans. We are social creatures, we are pack animals, not lone wolves. Simultaneously, however, gen-Y promotes the idea of being tough, independent, strong-minded and totally balanced.

Where does this solitude mark its boundaries, where do we stop separating and begin fusing? To what extent do we seek companionship and how much emotional isolation can we bare?

No question, we have family and friends with whom we talk. Yet, both have their limitations in what we can and want to tell them. If you think about it, there is a clear segmentation between what experiences and thoughts we share with our family, and what we tell our friends.

The 'you' your family knows and the 'you' your friends know are fairly distinct characters. We are clearly not the same in those two different parts of our life. We are two-faced if you will. We always have to balance these two personas. We have to distinguish progressively between who we are at work, who we are in your social environment, and make sure certain traits of one character don't diffuse into the other.

This 'not being who we really are' is a subconscious burden that we lay upon ourselves. Scared of discrimination or judgment, we never fully unfold in our professional or social context. Of course, you can be all those other characters your friends or business partner know, but that does not mean that that is who you are.

Don't be mistaken by thinking that the characteristics required to succeed in business or friendship are your personality. Be careful not to accept falsely those characteristics as who you really are. They are often merely tools of your personality; they make you flexible and adaptable, they allow you to deal with people and situations.

By no means however should those traits be the foundation of your persona or should they be used to define who you are. It should be the other way around.

It is a predicament indeed. The hassle of always restricting your natural flow of characteristics is tiresome. You're paralyzed by the perpetual worrying as to what to share and with whom. Being you in today's society is no walk in the park.

So where do you go with your innermost thoughts, your basic need to share what truly bothers you? It is difficult to know who your true friends are and how much about yourself and your concerns you can share with them. They might use your honesty; they could exploit your weaknesses and take advantage of your desire to communicate.

And although your family is considered an island of certainty in the vast ocean of doubt, sometimes even they fail to give a satisfying answer. It comes down to somebody who offers more than what parental guidance can.

It calls for a person unlike your buddies and their advice. If you just want to let loose and be who you are, find somebody who takes you for exactly that person; a person around whom you don't have to hide behind a facade of maturity or mask of unvoiced opinions. A girlfriend.

I urge you to find such a person. If you don't immediately find her or don't feel like you're engulfed by a sensation of freedom and ease, you can still break up. I'm not saying you will find somebody that will completely embrace you and your twists and quirks right away, but you have to start somewhere. The result is worth the effort. The result will change your life.

Vincent Coon | Elite.