How To Become A Trophy Wife
The term Trophy Wife has always had negative connotations associated with it – most people conjure up the image of a vacuous, gold-digging blonde with gigantic tits hanging off the arm of a considerably older man.
Consider this image extinct and no longer entertaining or useful to the modern, elite male. You might be surprised to hear that there is in fact a new breed of Trophy Wife – Trophy Wife 2.0 if you will, and they are nothing like the commonly stereotyped model at all.
The one similarity Trophy Wife 2.0 shares with her predecessors is the obvious concept of being physically attractive. Let’s face it, men eat with their eyes first and if you’re not hot, no man would want to eat you – figuratively and vaginally.
The successful male counterpart is a given as well, because only the most deserving men should have the honor of being married to such a valuable prize of a woman. This, however is where the similarities end – TW2.0 needs also to be:
Even the horniest man can’t fuck all the time. During those down times, it’s nice to hold a conversation with a lady that doesn’t revolve around the latest episode of Real Housewives of Cunt County. Men are looking for an intellectual equal, so don’t drop out of high school and ride on your looks to get you through life, because who knows when one of your coke whore girlfriends is going to get high off bath salts and then eat your face.
Get a college degree – maybe even try ::gasp:: grad school. Not only will you gain a new sense of culture, but lots of potentially successful men attend business schools so they are full of different options in terms of securing a lavish future.
This goes hand in hand with an education. Successful men have many social obligations, and it’s nice for him to have an attractive lady on his arm during these situations to make his colleagues jealous. A Trophy Wife should be adaptable to all social occasions, be it dinner at a three Michelin starred restaurant with clients to a round of golf with Japanese investors.
One handy hint from me, the veteran Trophy Wife: Don’t pregame these occasions. Otherwise you will end up sitting opposite your husband at an important work dinner, simulating oral sex on a breadstick.
Not a money-hungry bitch
The money is a nice to have, an added bonus if you will. Kind of like a man who can make you orgasm. A Trophy Wife is not a gold-digger – well, at least wait until he marries you before you make that obvious.
Sure, a Herve Leger dress is sexy, but look at how many times Jennifer Love Hewitt has worn one, and she is still man-less. A girl that dresses slutty will never be a Trophy Wife; she might get to play the role for an hour at the right price, but no man is going to marry that hooker. Sexy doesn’t mean let it all hang out – men like a little mystery. Know how to dress to emphasize your best feature. And remember: a personal trainer is the gift that keeps on giving.
Be seen in the right places
Honey, you’re not going to meet a rich husband sitting on your ass stalking your ex on Facebook. Put your Louboutins on and get out there and mingle! Some favorable venues include private members only clubs, polo matches, fundraisers and charity events. I mean, if he’s giving away thousands, he must be rolling in it, right?
Look, I’m not one to advocate the no sex on the first date rule, especially since I’ve broken it myself several times. I say, if you can turn tricks in the bedroom, every man will be coming back for seconds. The important thing is to keep an open mind – a lot of men in high powered and stressful positions generally enjoy being dominated in bed, so if he wants you to be hog-tied and whipped, go with it – who knows, you might even enjoy it!
My motto has always been: don’t knock it until you try it. Remember – dominatrix outfits are very flattering and versatile – throw a blazer and jeans on with that corset and you’ve got yourself an outfit!
The important thing for you ladies to remember is that a Trophy Wife is many things: she is a housewife, a social secretary, a personal stylist and most importantly, a whore in the bedroom.
The Trophy Wife | Elite.