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5 Truths You Need To Hear If You Think Every Guy You Date Is ‘The One’

You meet a guy who’s kind and caring, and who has a great job and a good relationship with his mom.

Plus, he blows your mind in bed, and he doesn’t talk shit about all his ex-girlfriends.

With all of these wonderful attributes, there are plenty of reasons to believe you might have met “the one.”

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But if you’re thinking he’s “the one” for the 11th, 12th or even just the 4th time, you might need to hear these uncomfortable truths about your life choices:

You have no boundaries.

Verbal agreements to “take things slow” are a weird way to wrap up one-night stands.

I don’t care how great the sex was or how much “crazy chemistry” you had.

You need to understand that following up a good shag fest with a discussion of your future beyond “I’ll call you” shows a severe lack of boundaries.

Even if you immediately jump to the plan of “taking things slow,” it’s just not OK.

In fact, the discussion of “taking things slow” proves you have an underlying assumption that one or both of you wants to do exactly the opposite.

Otherwise, why would it be necessary?

Live in the moment, for crying out loud!


You’re annoying your friends.

“I totally met ‘the one,'” you scream as you run late into brunch in last night’s clothing.

“Wait, are you talking about Steve, the weed farmer with the face tattoo from last night?” they ask, through gritted teeth.

Not only is this scenario a huge bummer for your friends (who have to listen to the same story over and over again every month), but it’s also frustrating because they want the best for you, and you clearly do not want the best for yourself.

Hopefully, you’re reading this before you invest $3,000 into Steve’s new pollination windmill.

No matter what happens, you won’t make that money back (with interest) when he “totally triples his production.”


The last seven guys were also “the one.”

If you’ve heard this before, you need to know that on some level, this article is undoubtedly written for you.

The truth of the matter is, you don’t know who “the one” is because you believe everyone and anyone is simply capable of becoming the person for you.

Maybe ask yourself why it’s so important for you to find someone else to give you the things that you could so easily give to yourself.

And don’t tell me you can’t give yourself an orgasm because honey, THAT’S JUST NOT TRUE.


You don’t know what you’re doing in bed.

Part of being good in bed is knowing what you enjoy.

If every guy who lackadaisically gives you the D is “absolutely blowing” your mind, it’s probably because you don’t know what you’re doing.

The better you are at something, the harder it is for others to meet your expectations.

Think about it this way: A good chef is really, really difficult to impress. Right now, your sex life could be the equivalent of some guy melting cheese on chips and calling it “Nachos Supreme.”

Just consider that for a minute. Maybe this one doesn’t deserve your praise.


Sorry, but no, it’s not different this time.

I don’t care if he’s like “the perfect combination of Mike’s body and Dan’s sense of humor, without the bad temper or the rollerblading.”

You’re not creating a perfect hybrid robot-human; you’re literally just dating.

Learn to fucking DATE, Nancy.

It’s not different this time because you’re not different this time. If it were really and truly different, the difference would start with you.

But here you are, saying the same old shit. Real change in your outside world begins inside yourself.

Sorry for the harsh words, but let’s be honest: You needed to hear this.

Also, I’m just saying what your friends wish they could, but are way too nice to actually say.

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Rosebud Baker

Editor

Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.
Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.

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