The Types of Ex Boyfriends Every Girl Has

Preston Waters

Every girl has a very specific type of ex boyfriend. Some of us are lucky enough to have a decent break up that leaves us ‘friends’ with our exes, or at least not wanting to choke them when they walk into the room. We have nothing bad to say about them but then again we have put that relationship in the back of our minds and have moved on. Others have exes that will not leave us alone – the stage five clinger. Or they have turned out to be the biggest regret of our life.

No matter how your relationship ended, there is a type of ex-boyfriend knocking on your door, or desperately trying to break it down. Some we love and some we hate, you decide for yourself. Which type of ex boyfriend you have?

The ex boyfriend that you’re still friends with

You know I’m happy for you right?

You guys did not have a bad break up and decided that being friends would be the best thing for the both of you. So you hang out, sometimes alone and sometimes in a social group. Yes, you two still get jealous when you talk about other hook ups or his girlfriends, but at the end of the day you are happy for him – like a true friend would be. (Ya right)

Your other girlfriends are confused as to how you can be friends with an ex; but at the same time they are envious you have the maturity to do so.

The ex boyfriend you still sleep with

I know you still think about the times we had…

Maybe you guys had a bad break up or maybe you did not; regardless, you both agree that the sex is good – really good. Therefore it is worth for you two to still see one another. You may not talk frequently, but you make sure that you guys are prevalent enough in each other’s lives that if you are looking for a booty call or having a dry couple of weeks you still have an option that you are comfortable with.


The ex boyfriend you don’t have bad blood with, but just do not speak to

It’s important to remember the good in the relationship, not the bad.

Sometimes being friends with an ex doesn’t work out. You try it out, but realize that beginning in a relationship before developing a friendship leads to you guys not being able to be friends once you break up. You do not have ill words to say to one another, but communicating is just not in the cards for you two. Sometimes you run into each other; perhaps you send a text every once in a while; but maintaining frequent conversation is not necessary nor possible.

The ex boyfriend whose death you plot

Sorry I’m not sorry, asshole.

Including the word death clearly denotes that you guys had a horrible break up. This is the ex boyfriend who might have cheated on you, was an asshole during the whole duration of your relationship, or just lead to a horrible break up for the both of you guys. You have nothing nice to say about one another and you only hope that the girl he tries to get with at the bar either denies him or gives him Syphilis.


The ex boyfriend that now has a boyfriend

RIP all your dreams of reconnecting with him, unless it’s over fashion.

You guys strangely got along incredibly well. He always gave you perfectly detailed advice when you asked him if your outfit was cute and wasn’t afraid to do things girlfriends are suppose to do with you. You never realized this while dating because you figured you were just bonding with him, and obviously he was dating you. Why would he be gay?

But just like Hannah in Girls did not know Elijah was gay, one step into the other side of town you see your ex holding hands with a guy who looks a lot like Adele’s ex boyfriend.


The ex boyfriend who is dating the girl he cheated on you with

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Not only did your ex cheat on you, but also he immediately jumped into a relationship with another girl after having the audacity to break up with you. He is still dating the girl he cheated on you with and it kills you every time you see them tagged in a photo or posting Instagram pictures of their vacation. He decided, while you were dating nonetheless, that he would find a true girlfriend and forever became one of the most hated people in your mind.

Although, you have the last laugh when he decides to cheat again – on her.

The ex boyfriend you dumped – and regret it

I know how I feel about you…now.

Sometimes relationships can become stressful; you aren’t sure if you are just having a rough patch, or that the relationship really isn’t working. You suggest a break, maybe even a breakup because you want to experience single life. Or because you want to see if having him out of your life is a valid solution.

Two weeks later when you find yourself lacking plans, and the only guys who want to hang out with you are Ben and Jerry, you realize you made a mistake. It might even take you a year to realize that you regret the breakup, once you see that you aren’t good at being single and that you miss the boyfriend life.

The ex boyfriend who is desperately trying to be friends with you

Pathetic and annoying: two words that describe you.

There are guys out there who believe that being friends after a break up is as simple as putting on your socks on in the morning. It makes you roll your eyes that these exes think that after all the shit they put you through that you guys can still be friends. You are confused about the line where friend and jealous raging-ex-girlfriend is, so you decide being friends is not the best thing.

Unfortunately, seven texts later and a few Facebook chats, your ex did not get the memo and desperately tries to be friends with you – still.

The ex boyfriend who talks shit about you constantly

Why are you so obsessed with me?

Did you cheat on him? Did you have a bad break up? Did you hook up with his best friend 36 hours after your break? If the answer is yes to all of these questions, then it is no wonder why your ex is constantly talking shit about you. You obviously gave this guy a reason to dislike you, whether you know it or not. Maybe you did something drastic, or maybe you were just that annoying girl who he was in a relationship with for six months.

To be fair though, many guys do things wrong and then throw the blame on the girl. If this is the case, brush your ex off for the pathetic, pathologically lying loser he is and laugh at everything he has to say. In this case, he is talking shit about you for attention, so try not to feed into it.

The ex boyfriend who has a new girlfriend, but tells you he misses you

And now I realize that she ain’t you.

Everyone moves on after his or her relationship, but some are quicker than others. Sometimes it hurts more when your ex moves on first. He has a new girlfriend now, and you see photos of them in love and truly happy, but you get that late night text and start to question why he is blowing up your phone.

It isn’t just the late night text you got, you slowly start to get texts in the afternoon, regular times all leading to a conversation where he decides you that you guys should “meet and catch up.” He misses the good times and misses you too. Maybe his girlfriend isn’t doing it for him or he genuinely misses you – either way, he’s in a relationship so stray away!

The ex boyfriend who gave you something

What the fuck, really??

He gave you a sexually transmitted disease. We don’t care if he knew about it or not – he gave you a STD. Stay far, far away.


Preston Waters