I used to be a nice guy – way back when. Like most men, I learned rather quickly that being that nice guy wasn’t the best of decisions.
You see, I never saw being nice as a decision that needed to be made – I understood it as a state that naturally existed. I didn’t feel that I should go out of my way to be nice because I liked being nice.
More than that, I thought that’s what women wanted: men who were nice. Boy oh boy was I wrong. Sort of, anyway.
There are some women who want the nice guy because they understand that nice means good and not nice means bad. However, most women seem to have the concepts confused.
She may believe she wants a nice guy, but in reality, she doesn’t want a nice guy. In her eyes, nice is weak – it’s boring. She wants excitement. She wants mystery, surprise, drama. She wants a bad boy.
Until she gets stuck with one, of course. Then all of a sudden logic swarms back into reality and bad, once again, means bad. Understanding why women go for those bad boys isn’t difficult to understand.
They aren’t very open, keeping mostly to themselves – that’s mysterious. They distance themselves and give the cold shoulder whenever they don’t want something from you; it makes her ego crazy – why doesn’t he want her? Why isn’t she good enough?
If he just got to know her better, he would surely fall for her. But the truth is that he wouldn’t. Not because she’s not lovable but because he isn’t loving. He isn’t looking for love because those who look for love quickly lose the whole bad boy flair.
The essence of a bad boy is isolation, carelessness, self-indulgence, selfishness and attitude. When you put it this way, it’s difficult to understand why it is that women go for these kinds of guys.
However, the role the actions that result from such personality traits play on the psyches of women is undeniable.
Bad boys seem more manly – which is an awful way to think as it teaches guys that being bad is more rewarding than being good. If being a bad boy gets you laid while being a nice guy gets you either ignored or abused, then guess which type most men choose to be.
Because women see nice guys as being weaker than those who flaunt their “strength” – if you can call it that – they feel that it’s okay to use them and then leave them hanging.
I think every guy who ever started out as a good guy had their ass handed to them. I know that I have. Every guy at one point was silly enough to think that being nice to the woman he has feelings for is a good idea.
He would go out of his way to be nice. He would hold doors open for her. He would help her with simple tasks. He would smile and be courteous.
If he took her on a date then he might have even bought her flowers, paid for her meal, paid for her drinks, paid for the cab. But only until he realized that the girl had absolutely no interest in him. She liked the free food and drinks, but not the guy who was paying for them.
Not all women are so heartless, but a few are. I believe nearly all women go through their bad boy phase – some earlier on, some much later.
What it ends up being is a lesson learned. No woman has ever lived happily ever after with a complete bad boy. Why? Because once bad boys settle down, they are no longer bad boys – they’re nice guys.
You need a nice guy to settle down with because that’s the only kind of guy who is willing to actually settle down. So the truth is, ladies, that you don’t want a bad boy. You want to turn a bad boy into a nice guy.
You want to change that reckless, untamed man and you want to put a collar on him. You want to tame a beast because it makes you feel strong, makes you feel good about yourself. You did the undoable.
Who doesn’t like a challenge, right? Maybe we should take a look at the word challenge… Challenges, by nature, are difficult. If a challenge isn’t challenging, then it isn’t a very good challenge to begin with.
By making your relationship a challenge, you are literally making it difficult to be with a person. You are creating space between you and the prize. Weird.
So maybe it’s that the women who go after these bad boys don’t actually want a relationship. They just want to enjoy the thrill of the chase.
A pseudo-relationship that is more flashy than anything else. Relationships require a great storyline, with lots of drama and the constant possibility of loss – like in the movies. Maybe we should put the blame on Hollywood.
With time, all women come back from the dark side. They learn firsthand that bad guys are bad for them.
They realize that being treated as if they were worthless and spending most of their time either alone or feeling alone isn’t part of the relationship they now want to have. All the excitement turned into a migraine. All the drama turned into painful memories.
Now she wants a nice guy who will love her, treat her with respect and spend time with her because he wants to. Unfortunately for them, by the time they realize the mistake they’ve made, there are only assh*les such as myself left.
Photo via We Heart It