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The One Thing Every Woman Who's Found Love Online Knows

How is it that some women can find husbands online, while others only find hookups? Are the late-night text convos, the tentative plans and the offers to go back to his place starting to get on your nerves?

Have you ever met a guy online and gone on one, two, even three great dates with him, only to have him ghost you for no apparent reason? The worst is when you see that guy months later and find out he's now in a relationship with someone else.

He had no problem hanging out with you, taking you back to his place, and trying to get you to be comfortable (and naked) on his matching duvet set. He told you how great you were and that he enjoyed spending time with you, but then he told you he couldn't be in a relationship because he's allergic to commitment.

Say what? Is that even a thing? Apparently for him it was, but you accepted his explanation because you figured that time with you would eventually change his mind.

Now he's happily committed to someone else. We've all seen that scenario, but why does it happen? What inspires a man to treat one woman like an option and another like a priority?

There is one thing that every woman who's started a long-term relationship online knows: It's all about the D. No, I don't mean the “D” that some guys insist on sending you photos of.

I mean D, as in discipline. The only difference between the woman who gets ghosted and the woman who gets wifed up is discipline.

Look, we all have feelings and urges, and sometimes we get caught off guard by the beauty, charm and even the scent of a handsome man. Those feelings can play tricks on you and make you do things like invite him back to your place after the second date, or agree to meet him for drinks last minute on a Friday night after he ignored you all week.

Don't feel bad; we've all been there. But, it very rarely works out.

Yes, you may end up seeing each other a few times or even start hooking up consistently, but don't kid yourself. If his friends were to ask him about his current relationship status, he'd respond with a quick, “I'm single.”

When it comes to relationships, remember that if there's nothing invested, then there's nothing lost from walking away. If you give him relationship benefits without requiring him to put in the work, then why in the world would he want to commit to you?

Plus, if you give him everything he wants too easily, he's going to assume you do that with everyone. You've given him incentive to hit it and quit it rather than stick with it. You are not Chipotle, so stop handing out freebies.

Now, I know some of you are thinking, “I know someone who hooked up with her man on the first date, and they're still together!” That's the exception; not the rule.

If you don't want to be treated like a hookup, then don't hook up. Wait until he's shown consistent effort in getting to know you and preferably until you both agree to be in a committed relationship.

It might sound like your grandmother's advice, but it's actually more relevant than ever. With dating apps and dating sites approaching a membership community of over 91 million people, it's important that you set standards and set yourself apart.

If you're looking to have some no-strings-attached fun, then go ahead. Keep responding to those, “Hey, what's up?” (aka booty call) texts.

If you're ready for something more serious, then bring out your D (discipline) before you let him bring out his. Trust me, you'll be in a committed relationship in no time.


What It Feels Like To Be Ghosted [Disconnected]

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Devyn Simone

Contributor

Devyn is a dating coach and the co-host of Love At First Swipe, a show where she helps singles transform their dating profiles, on Fri nights at 10:30/9:30c on TLC. She's survived both MTV’s The Real World and The Challenge. DevynSimone.com
Devyn is a dating coach and the co-host of Love At First Swipe, a show where she helps singles transform their dating profiles, on Fri nights at 10:30/9:30c on TLC. She's survived both MTV’s The Real World and The Challenge. DevynSimone.com

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