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Chrissy Teigen Has Something To Say About The Tiny Thong She's Forced To Wear

Even supermodels with perfect bodies aren't trying to flash their vaginas in print, pervs.

Chrissy Teigen is no stranger to strapping on a swimsuit or two for Sports Illustrated, but her most recent shoot required her to wear some microscopic swimwear.

When asked what fans have to look forward to in the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, Chrissy said,

Very. Tiny. Bottoms. Where we can't even tell which is the front and which is the back, like THIS.

Ripping off her bikini bottoms and dangling them in front of the camera, the 31-year-old marveled at the itty bitty bathing suit.

She continued,

What is THIS? This is the back because this is one inch. This is the front because this is one inch and a half.

Sports Illustrated has a long history of vag teases. In fact, some might call SI “the house vag teases built.” Not me, but some.

Modern innovations in swimsuitery take the burden of vag teasing off the models and do the work for them.

Back in 2015, Hannah Davis had to work out for months to build up the arm strength to grab the sides of her bottoms and scrunch them up for a vag tease that said, “I'm smooth like a Barbie doll. I have no holes on my body.”

Now, swimsuits are small enough to do the teasing themselves. The year 2017 is a crazy time. Science and fashion are intersecting in ways we never thought possible.

It was Lin-Manuel Miranda who wrote,

Look around! Look around! How lucky we are to be alive right now!

Lin was talking about vag-teasing swimsuits. It was in the moment he crafted that lyric for the hip-hop musical “Hamilton” that he also shared his first piece of crossover commentary re: ocean-wear with the cutting edge capability to tease its witnesses.

The downside to these suits is the questions they raise over whether visible vag is imminent or never existed in the first place, but that's life.

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Taylor Ortega

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Taylor Ortega is a New York based writer and comedian. She performs on Wednesday nights at the PIT and co-hosts "Elite Weekly" on Facebook Live. Buy her a cheese sandwich, please. Insta: carbra_streisand
Taylor Ortega is a New York based writer and comedian. She performs on Wednesday nights at the PIT and co-hosts "Elite Weekly" on Facebook Live. Buy her a cheese sandwich, please. Insta: carbra_streisand

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