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Cole Sprouse Has A Low-Key Hilarious Twitter And We Need To Talk About It

Are there more pressing issues affecting mankind right now than the quality of Cole Sprouse's Twitter presence? Shut up. No, there aren't.

America is one big Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire and none of us are getting out alive, so we might as well spend our final days drooling and giggling into the dim light of our stupid phones.

Cole Sprouse in a grey suit.

REX/Shutterstock

If you're not already a fan of Cole Sprouse from his new show “Riverdale” on the CW or his work alongside twin brother Dylan in the Disney Channel series “The Suite Life of Zack & Cody,” what is wrong with you? Why don't you like anything pure and good?

Take this opportunity to get to know baby boi a little better and, if you're feeling confident by the end of this roundup, take this flawless Cole quiz I created with my own two spider hands.

Cole knows romance.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows English.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows commitment.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows who to ask.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows what time it is.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows self-esteem.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows style.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows marketing.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows the Texas Revolution.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows how to pay his debts.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows beauty.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows the difference.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows birds.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows casual.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows softboys.

cole sprouse tweets

Twitter


Cole knows women.


Cole knows literature.

See? I frickin' told you. Cole is a precious pearl in a massive tank filled with tiny clam poops.

He deserves better than the world as it currently exists, but settles for it every day regardless of that sad fact, perhaps because time travel doesn't exist.

Maybe, though, Cole Sprouse loves us — the plebes — enough to stick around even in the event time travel is invented in a way that accounts for the risk of transporting modern bacteria back to a historical era when it could very well curse our ancestors with some horrifying super-plague.

Maybe.

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Taylor Ortega

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Taylor Ortega is a New York based writer and comedian. She performs on Wednesday nights at the PIT and co-hosts "Elite Weekly" on Facebook Live. Buy her a cheese sandwich, please. Insta: carbra_streisand
Taylor Ortega is a New York based writer and comedian. She performs on Wednesday nights at the PIT and co-hosts "Elite Weekly" on Facebook Live. Buy her a cheese sandwich, please. Insta: carbra_streisand

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