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Katy Perry Had Quinoa In Her Teeth And Nobody Had The Decency To Tell Her

Whoever was in charge of Katy Perry’s last looks before sending her out in front of the cameras at the iHeartRadio Music Awards needs to reevaluate his or her responsibilities, mmkay?

A modern woman needs to be able to hoover a grain bowl before a big event without worrying whether she’s flashing quinoa teeth on the red carpet. It’s just very necessary. Please understand.

Katy walked onto Sunday night’s carpet in a gold-patterned August Getty Atelier jumpsuit and a cropped blonde pixie cut.

Katy Perry walks the IHeartRadio red carpet in a gold-patterned August Getty Atelier jumpsuit and a cropped blonde pixie cut.

REX/Shutterstock

A closer look, though, revealed chunks of quinoa stuck between Katy’s perfect teeth. CHUNKS, you guys, FAT ONES.

The “Chained to the Rhythm” singer shared a photo of her seedy smile to Instagram along with a caption calling for new friends, specifically ones “who aren’t afraid to tell [her] there’s quinoa in [her] teeth.”

As a person whose friends once let her pose for a photo with a dirty trash straw wrapper on her ass, I fully understand Katy’s concern.

My friends didn't even tell me about my ass straw.

Taylor Ortega

I cut both of these women, whose names I no longer remember, out of my life and have not looked back since.

Friendship is communication. It’s trust. It’s letting your bestie know when she looks like she just made sweet mouth love to Uncle Ben or has actual bits of garbage on her body.

Perhaps Katy’s buds are focused on being there for her emotionally, following her recent split from boyf Orlando Bloom.

Last week, the former couple released a statement to People that read,

Before rumors or falsifications get out of hand, we can confirm that Orlando and Katy are taking respectful, loving space at this time.

Gone are the days of dicks-out paddle boarding and sexual swims in crystal blue waters, though it’s reassuring to see this relationship end on a mature, considerate note.

Now, someone please find Katy a clique that will suck her lunch remnants straight out of her gums if they have to.

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Taylor Ortega

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Taylor Ortega is a New York based writer and comedian. She performs on Wednesday nights at the PIT and co-hosts "Elite Weekly" on Facebook Live. Buy her a cheese sandwich, please. Insta: carbra_streisand
Taylor Ortega is a New York based writer and comedian. She performs on Wednesday nights at the PIT and co-hosts "Elite Weekly" on Facebook Live. Buy her a cheese sandwich, please. Insta: carbra_streisand

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