Yep, There's Now A 'Cats'-Themed Musical About The Kardashians

I saw the “Katdashians” last night and it was a-meow-zing. Bible.

OK, that was a lot of information to take in, so let me katch you up to speed.

A large part of my job is keeping tabs on the Kardashians. I'm not talking about keeping up with them in the casual sense like most of America does. I mean literally keeping tabs on them.

I have to know where they are, who they're dating, how they're feeling, who they're angry with, who they're not angry with, what they're eating, what they AREN'T drinking, what color Kylie's hair is nowadays, which man Kourtney is committing a series of mistakes with, legally where Khloé and Lamar's marriage is at, if Kendall is doing something (literally ANYTHING) interesting and if Kim has acknowledged there are literally people dying.

I've spent over a year being a Kardash-ipedia and I've loved every second of it.

I'm also a huge Broadway guy. So when I was offered tickets to go to last night's opening show of “Katdashians: Break The Musical,” a wickedly funny and bizarrely perfect (sorry, *puuuuuurrfect) mashup of Andrew Lloyd Webber's “Cats” and Kris Jenner's family at the Elektra Theater in NYC, I nearly crapped myself before calmly and professionally responding, “Sure, that sounds like an OK night at the theater, I guess or whatever.”

A musical adaptation of literally my job? Sign me up. Very few people will ever have the opportunity to have an experience like that until productions like “Credits And Debits: An Accounting Romp” get made. So, it was sort of my duty to attend.

By the way, yes, you've read everything to this point correctly. Someone had the genius idea of dressing Kim, Khloé, Kourtney, Kris, Kendall, Kylie and Caitlyn (“I am Cait,” sure, but you are ALSO effing up the K streak!) as cats, giving them choreography and "Cats"-themed parody songs and telling them to prance around a stage for a few hours.

The shocking part: It works.

It was soooooo goddamn good and absurdly funny. It's honestly one of the best things I've seen staged in New York (and one time I went to a “Tootise”-themed “Sleep no More” performance). I know “Katdashians” sounds like the most gimmicky Broadway hack thing of all time, but just hear me out. The way they mapped the Kardashian universe onto “Cats” was oddly seamless and the inside Kardashian-baseball-ness of the whole production was fantastic.

This musical is to mega-Kardashian fans what "Hamilton" is to people who... like Alexander Hamilton(?).  I don't know. You get it.

Plus, the kast was brilliant. Carmen Mendoza, Bridget Kennedy and Elliott Brooks as Kim, Khloé and Kourtney could not have been more appropriately cast. Viva Soudan as Kylie, Ariel Ash as Kendall and Bailey Nolan as Kris were brilliant and Peter Smith's portrayal of "Bruce/Caitlyn" could not have been more spot-on.

How could you NOT lose your dang shit watching Kendall and Kylie sing about one day being the most famous members of the family to the tune of “Jellicle Song For Jellicle Cats”?!?!

CAITLYN JENNER SANG A KARDASHIAN VERSION OF “MEMORY” FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

YEAH. INSANE.

OK, OK, OK, OK, calm down. I didn't steal this video. In an attempt to stay true to the Kardashians' brand, audience members are encouraged to take selfies and Snapchat during the production.

The creative team behind the production is also responsible for "Full House! The Musical," "Bayside! The Saved by the Bell Musical" and "Showgirls! The Musical!"

Now that "Katdashians" has made its way off-Broadway, writers Bob and Tobly McSmith are currently working on their next musicals: “Anne Frank 2: Hungry for Vengeance (and Bread)” and “Philadelphia: On Ice”

Screw "Hamilton." These guys KNOW theater.