With “Breaking Bad” dominating the Emmys this year, there’s no questioning its place as a well-respected show that’s widely adored by fans.
I watched every episode — and not just because Jesse Pinkman made “b*tch” a household expletive. Rather, I watched it for the drama and the laughs, and somewhere along the way, I learned a thing or two.
Here are a few life lessons I took away from “Breaking Bad.”
1. Your science teacher knows a lot more than he’s letting on.
It might seem like he’s just interested in covalent bonds, but behind those protective goggles, there might be a man who knows a lot more than what he’s telling you.
He can also probably get you a great deal on a car wash.
2. Fast food is bad for you, for so many reasons.
Aside from clogging your arteries and making you fat, fast food could also provide the perfect cover for a multi-million dollar drug ring.
Make sure you double check what’s really in those chicken nuggets.
3. Never sleep on your back.
Whether you’re in a heroin-induced stupor or just suffering from a stomach bug, sleeping on your back could kill you. Drowning in your own vomit isn’t as glamorous as it sounds (not that it sounds glamorous at all).
4. If someone has a nickname, use it.
Don’t make someone force you to call him by his nickname when you’re in a dangerous predicament. Just use the nickname. It’s not that hard.
5. You don’t have to be a good student to make lots of money.
Jesse Pinkman barely skated by in high school, yet he made more money within the span of a year than I will ever make. Not too bad for a guy who never once made the Dean’s List.
6. It might be easier to blow up your new car than to take it back, but it’s not cheaper.
If ever you purchase a new car and realize it’s not the right fit for you or your spouse says you need to return it, take it back. It’s a lot easier to get your money back from the dealership than to try to file an insurance claim.
7. A cracked windshield will get you pulled over.
If you have a broken windshield, a police officer will give you a ticket, even if you have the funniest and most poignant speech ever.
8. Storage units are a great way to store large quantities of money.
And, there’s no reason to spring for the climate-controlled unit. The money keeps either way.
9. Stealing an ATM machine doesn’t guarantee you a load of cash.
No amount of destruction to a stolen ATM machine will release the coveted money. It may, however, fall on top of you and crush you. Buyer beware!
10. Magnets can do more than hold things on your fridge.
If you get enough of them, they can turn a police evidence locker on its side.
11. An RV isn’t just for recreation anymore.
It can also be a workshop for a lucrative meth business. It’s great for both work and play!
12. It’s never a good idea to have two cellphones.
Someone will always find out. Always.
13. Lily of the Valley is poisonous.
It definitely should not be ingested, even if its berries are delicious.
14. If you have a friend who offers to pay your medical bills, you should let him or her do it.
Making the friend feel guilty for other wrongs they may have done doesn’t solve anything and will leave you with medical bills. Take the cash.
15. Don’t touch someone’s lucky cigarette.
It might have more than tobacco in it.
16. Not everyone in rehab has the best intentions.
Some are just looking for new customers.
17. An innocent book in the bathroom could hold answers to some plaguing questions.
Just make sure to courtesy flush.
I’ve learned so much from Jesse and Walt. I’m sad my learning won’t continue on with additional seasons, but hey, at least Saul Goodman getting his own show.
If there’s anyone from whom I can learn more life lessons, it’s a dirty lawyer with a catchy slogan.
Photo Courtesy: Breaking Bad