The Met Gala: Prom For Social Climbers
The Met Gala, an annual event hosted by Vogue, is widely considered to be one of the most important red carpet fashion events of the year. Dubbed the “Night of Nights” by fashion industry gurus worldwide, the event showcases who’s who in celebrity fashion culture and who’s not just your average grandma’s couch.
The Met Gala was born in 1971 and has proven for 42 years running that it should have been aborted. This annual event still hinges on the ill-conceived notion that the world gives a shit about these people. So the costumed ball still masquerades as something other than a glorified prom with tacky decorations, awkward couple pictures and far too many outfits these people will regret by the morning, let alone twenty years from now.
This year’s most recent Met Gala’s prom theme was “Punk: Chaos to Couture.” Aside from the problematic and chronic misunderstanding of the punk thematic, the social climbing convention in attendance willfully ignored the couture and seemed to revel in the chaos. And so we gleefully get to review the disaster.
First of all, I didn’t even realize Miley Cyrus dressed up for the event. She always looks like a mixture of Billy Idol and Courtney Love now. It’s like she fell in their closets and has been stuck there for a few years now, and we’re over it. We get it, you want to be “cool” and a “rebel” because growing up as a Disney princess was oh so hard. But being outshined by the likes of Anne Hathaway has got to be hard.
Beyoncé, we all know you like to be the center of attention, but your birthday is over. You can quit it with the trains on your dress. No one is trying to hop on that caboose, although we know it’s there. Remember the last Met ball where you showed us all your B-hind? Your dress looks like the magic carpet from “Aladdin” anyway.
Elle Fanning apparently had just left finger paint class and went straight to the gala. Really, Elle? Tie-dye screams punk and not Jenny from “Forest Gump”? It looks like a longer version of Dobby’s pillowcase dress from “Harry Potter,” the annoying slave creature that needs clothing from Harry to be free or whatever. Not to mention the blue eye shadow that looks like someone stuck those long post-its on her.
Sarah Jessica Parker, getting past that foot you call a face, what the hell happened to you? Didn’t you used to be a fashion icon? Quit your stupid hats, your ratty feather mohawk looks like the four-day old dead pigeon on my crosswalk.
Kanye was it really necessary to serenade your whale of girlfriend with “You’re so awesome?” She is not awesome; she is a social climbing leper corroding the brains of people all across America. With all the narcissism the two of you possess, I am surprised your egos could even manage to fit in the same room together. And with all that sympathy pregnancy weight you seem to be gaining, it’s no wonder Vogue couldn’t squeeze her into the picture.
It’s impossible to take Taylor Swift seriously in anything that doesn’t look like it was from the 60s. Her hair at the Met was a fluff ball of crazy: a mixture of sticking one’s finger in a socket and Sunday church hair.
Please excuse Ashley Olsen though as she had just returned from her trip to Bali.
Anna Wintour, honestly the dresses Julie Andrews made for the Von Trapp children look better than those curtains your grandma lent you to make your dress. At the event when asked about her outfit she told the press, “The curator of the exhibition told me that the color of punk is pink so I’m in pink by Chanel.” And you’re the one who gets paid to talk about clothes…
The only person who does not deserve an insult is the beautiful Jennifer Lawrence. The highlight of the night had to be when she photobombed Sarah Jessica Parker, and you all know how we feel about Carrie Bradshaw here at Elite Daily. Unfortunately my propositions to this woman have yet to be answered. Don’t worry I’ll always be waiting for you JLaw, even if you don’t understand how to navigate social media.
It seems too many stars confused the Met Ball with Halloween this year. Ginnifer Goodwin, I don’t know what kind of crack you were smoking before this event but showing up with makeup resembling two black eyes is not hot. Leave it to Rihanna.
Why are none of the men dressed to theme? Tom Brady, your baby blue tux has no reflection of punk essence whatsoever. This whole thing seems to be an event for the display of female vanity. Fashion is artificial and this theme only proved that.
You honestly could probably find more punk outfits by picking people off the streets of NYC. Kim K looks like a couch and Anna Wintour is wearing her grandmother’s kitchen apron. I am personally embarrassed for 99% of the women who attended this function. Just because the theme is punk rock does not mean you need to look absolutely ridiculous.
Let’s hope they abandon the charade altogether – even Gwyneth Paltrow is over it, and you know, she dictates most aspects of our lives.
Photo Credit: WENN