How To Pretend You Watched Everything Nominated For The 2017 Golden Globes
Let's be real, you didn't watch 80 percent of the things nominated for Golden Globes this year.
It's not your fault. We're in a golden age of TV and movies, which is great but also exhausting.
At some point over the past years, it became mandatory to watch everything. If you aren't up to date on the 50 Oh-My-God-How-Could-You-Not-Watch-This-Show-Its-The-Best-Show-Ever-In-The-History-Of-Shows-I-Love-it-More-Than-I-Love-My-Daughter shows currently running, you automatically lose valuable social currency.
The thing is, nobody watches all these shows or movies. In fact, I'm convinced everyone spent most of their TV watching time this year like me: watching "Entourage" straight through for the fourth time.
This is a major issue with the Golden Globes coming up but don't worry, I've got your back. Below are all the notable things that came out of Hollywood this year you'll be expected to talk about casually during whatever Golden Globe party you attend on Sunday.
Below is also seamless ways to pivot the conversation to talking about "Entourage."
Enjoy.
"La La Land"
Basic Plot:
"La La Land" is a comedic musical written and directed by the guy who made "Whiplash." It follows two young actors who have traveled to Hollywood to try and make it in the biz.
Notable Notes:
Literally nobody shuts up about this movie. Visually it's supposedly stunning (I have not seen it. Like I said above, I was busy re-watching "Entourage"), and its music is also up for a few awards.
What you should say to pivot the conversation back to "Entourage":
Man, the whole time I was watching this movie I was just like, 'This is a CLASSIC Vinny and the boys plot. Just trying to find your dreams and make it happen in the city. I wish there was a special musical episode of 'tourage...
"Arrival"
Basic Plot:
Amy Adams and a crew of scientists, including a nerdy version of Jeremy Renner, try and figure out how to talk to a bunch of aliens who landed on Earth in a bunch of large, long space eggs.
Notable Notes:
I ACTUALLY SAW THIS MOVIE! It was good! I'm not gonna spoil the ending for you but it was a huge mind-fuck.
What you should say to pivot the conversation back to "Entourage":
Talk about a tastefully done movie dealing with aliens. It's like what I assume Vinny and James Cameron did with 'Aquaman'...
"Fences"
Basic Plot:
"Fences" is a play about race relations centering around a man trying to keep his family together.
Notable Notes:
This is this year's number 1 movie you won't see and feel terrible about having not seen it.
What you should say to pivot the conversation back to "Entourage":
Viola Davis is the Vinny Chase of this generation.
"Game of Thrones"
Basic Plot:
"Game of Thrones" is a fantasy show on HBO about the shift of power between kingdoms in a medieval universe.
Notable Notes:
I mean, you should have at least seen one episode at this point. This one is on you if you look like an idiot when the group decides to do some "Thrones" talking.
What you should say to pivot the conversation back to "Entourage":
It's no 'Viking Quest,' but it's still pretty good.
"Stranger Things"
Basic Plot:
A bunch of kids in the '80s try and figure out how to get their friend out of an alternate universe he was pulled into by a monster. The government (?) is also somehow involved for some reason.
Notable Notes:
For a week, the only two things I would start conversations with were "HAVE YOU SEEN 'STRANGER THINGS'?!?!?!" and "Uber?"
What you should say to pivot the conversation back to "Entourage":
You guys all caught how that chubby kid with the baseball hat was CLEARLY the Turtle of the group, right?!?!?
"This Is Us"
Basic Plot:
*sobs for 45 minutes*
Notable Notes:
*sobs for another 20-ish minutes*
What you should say to pivot the conversation back to "Entourage":
*Sobs for another half hour* Can we talk about literally anything else?!?! 'Entourage' maybe?!?!
"Westworld"
Basic Plot:
In the future, rich people vacation by going to a Wild West-themed amusement park where they can kill people and have sex with Thandie Newton.
Notable Notes:
I watched every episode and the director's commentary and I still didn't understand it all.
What you should say to pivot the conversation back to "Entourage":
This is good HBO, not great HBO. Great HBO happened between 2004 and 2011. Speak to me again when 'Westworld' gets a Lloyd.
"The People vs. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story"
Basic Plot:
FX's groundbreaking dramatization of the OJ Simpson trial centered around the characters behind the biggest case of the century.
Notable Notes:
Young versions of Kardashian children are hilariously forced into this show. It's worth watching JUST for that.
What you should say to pivot the conversation back to "Entourage":
My favorite part of 'The People vs. OJ' is that scene when OJ was in the Bronco driving on the highway because E and Vinny drove on that same highway in 'Entourage' season 3 episode 2.
Jimmy Fallon
Basic Plot:
It's Jimmy Fallon. He's hosting the show. If you find any part of this section interesting or learned anything new, then honestly you need to not be watching the Golden Globes. You will not understand most of it.
Notable Notes:
It's Jimmy Fallon.
What you should say to pivot the conversation back to "Entourage":
Jimmy Fallon was never in Entourage. Jay Leno was, though. It was the episode where he got a free TV because he put on this hat he got from an electric store. Wait, who is Jimmy Fallon?
Good luck this weekend! Make sure to hug it out (bitch) before you leave!
