'Trump On A Stump' Is 2016's Nightmare Version Of 'Elf On The Shelf'
If you thought Elf on the Shelf would remain the creepiest asset to the holiday season this year, you were sorely mistaken.
On last night's episode of "Jimmy Kimmel Live!," a new toy was introduced that made the stalkerish elf look like child's play.
It's called Trump on a Stump.
The eerie new figure advertised in a fake commercial portrays our president-elect in a blue elf suit perched on top of a fake tree stump.
His beady eyes are glaring into the distance -- and he's ready to watch your child's every move from afar.
The hilarious advertisement -- which shamelessly mocks a select few of Trump's policies -- is prefaced by Kimmel, who claims children aren't afraid of the Elf on the Shelf anymore.
He sarcastically states,
The elf watches your kids and reports back to Santa, but it's been around for a while now, and I worry that it's starting to lose its gravitas. I've noticed the kids are not so worried about it anymore... They don't fear 'The Elf' anymore. So this year, we came up with a new product that I hope will make your kids behave bigly.
Behave "bigly"... or scare the living daylight out of them?
After aggressively kicking the Elf on the Shelf right out of its spot, the commercial shows Trump on a Stump keeping an eye on children around Christmastime.
First, he's taped hiding in a living room tree, stalking children while they're playing a game. Then, he's seen lying on a pillow in a young girl's bed, sending her into hysterics.
He's just a little scarier than Elf on a Shelf, don't you think?
However, Trump on a Stump is far different from Elf on a Shelf because Trump doesn't report to Santa Claus if your children are misbehaving.
Instead, he calls The Pentagon, where "special analysts" contact border patrol, who will immediately have your child deported.
That's much worse than being put on the naughty list, if you ask me.
The fake commercial ends with the narrator telling the viewers to "make your holidays great again" with Trump on a Stump.
Oh... don't forget about Pence on a Fence. (He's obviously sold separately.)
Happy holidays! Try not to have too many nightmares!
