10 Things You Can Get Your Dad For Father’s Day That Will Make Him Love You Again

10 Things You Can Get Your Dad For Father’s Day That Will Make Him Love You Again
Goods
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Father’s Day is just around the corner and if you’re like anyone else in generation-Y, your dad probably doesn’t really f*ck with you right now. But don’t fret. We have just the cure.

How else could you possibly kill that whole “pissed off tension” that’s been building up this summer? Well you can bestow upon him the most extravagant of gifts, of course. And I’m not talking about your typical bottle of Scotch or brand new 9 iron.

Give your pops what he wants. Enough of that regular bullsh*t. Remember, he’s a man. So think like one when you’re shopping for his gift. This is a guy who is dying to be young again, so simulate that feeling for him. Remind his old ass that he can still have fun and live life freely. Don’t just constrain him to a brand new barbecue grill so he can cook for you and your friends when you’re all stoned out of your minds.

This is the time to show how much you appreciate him showing you the ropes. Remember when he taught you to ride a bike? Or when he let you set off your first firework? Yeah, amazing. Give him that exact same feeling you felt as a child.

However — no one ever said that this was going to come cheap. There’s a heavy price to pay for luxury. And I’m talking heavy. These are the 10 things you can get your dad for Father’s Day that will make him love you again:

The Jet Lev ($130K to buy, $5K to rent)

It’s summer time and what better way to show your appreciation than by giving him the ultimate aquatic toy. The Jet Lev is essentially a jet pack for the beach. Now what man wouldn’t appreciate that?

Watch your pops soar through the air then dive back down like a dolphin until he can’t take it anymore. And the best part is you can have your fun with it when he’s done. Now that’s a multipurpose buy.


15 Liter bottle of Ace of Spades ($100,000)

15-liter-ace-of-spades-elite-daily

Let’s be honest, your dad is stressed. Seeing your sister be a complete smut in her sorority at school and your mom being a c*nt to him has him beyond sick. This 15 liter bottle of Ace of Spades may just be the cure.

He will surely forget this and many other issues that stress fathers out as soon as he pops this bottle. What’s even better is you’ll get to pour it up with him too. There is no way he can drink this thing straight to the head otherwise he would probably die. And that’s the worst gift you can give your father: death.


A Go Pro ($200)

This is one of the best ways to encourage your dad to get out there and be active. A go pro will help him document any kind of mid-life crisis activity that he is interested in: from sky-diving, to cliff jumping or even just riding a motorcycle.

Hell, let him go to the strip club and review the tapes later for his viewing pleasure. Whatever it takes for him to use the damn thing.


A Snap Chat Account (Free .99)

snapchat-dad-elite-daily

We all know our dads try so hard to be hip sometimes. So what better way to get him with the times than by getting him a SnapChat account on his iPhone.

Put him on with a couple of shorties too and he will be having the time of his life in no time. However this can potentially ruin his relationship with your mom. That’s what you call a double-edged sword.


A Pax and an ounce of weed ($750)

pax-weed-elite-daily

Like I already mentioned, your dad is stressed! Help him relieve some of this after he gets wasted (and presumably hungover) by giving him a Pax and an ounce of some bomb bud.

In case you didn’t know, the Pax is the only vapor smoking device that makes blazing some ganja socially acceptable. He can literally toke up anywhere he wants, as the Pax is almost completely odorless and undetectable. No one will ever know that he is baked out of his mind…just like I am right now.


A SpyHawk FPV Drone ($650)

There is no cooler man toy than a motherf*cking drone. I mean what guy wouldn’t want to spy on your hot neighbor or see who’s been stealing your mail? I certainly know who would want to do those things — your dad!

He will feel like a kid again with this awesome piece of technology. Equipped with a video camera, he can record anything and everything he wants. And that’s what every father wants. To creep around the neighborhood with a sketchy ass drone.


The Ferrari LaFerrari ($1.3 million)

laferrari-elite-daily

What better way to show your father your appreciation than by giving him the car that literally costs an arm and a leg? After this I think it’s safe to say you have a pass on gifts to him for the rest of his life.

Just pray to God he doesn’t crash this damn thing.


The Jacob & Co. Caligula Watch ($69,000)

This is exactly what your father needs in his life. A completely perverted watch to make him look like a creepy old man. Perfect. Every hour a threesome will emerge from the timepiece that will make your own mother cringe.

What is love? Love is giving your father this extra special watch designed by none other than Jacob & Co. Now that’s luxury.


23K Gold Chocolate Bacon

gold-bacon-elite-daily

Bacon. A man’s meal. Show your father that he is a man’s man by giving him some good old fashioned 23K chocolate covered bacon. Now that’s something to be proud of.

How amazing is this damn thing? Sure it’s just one piece, but it’s a piece that will stick with him for life. Try fighting off any temptation you may have to eat it yourself though. That would suck and be amazing at the same damn time.


A high-end escort ($15,000 for 24 hours)

escorts-elite-daily

Give your dad the time of his life. With a beautiful and young high-end escort, he will feel like the man again! A good one will run you up to around $15,000 for a 24-hour experience, but the price tag is well worth it for his happiness.

Hell if things work out, you might even have a new step-mother. That would be the ultimate win-lose situation. Actually, be careful with this gift. Things can turn weird real quick.

Please note that David Arabov is related to the Jacob & Co family.

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Julian Sonny

From the sandy beaches of Hawaii, to the streets of New York: Julian has seen it all. His lifetime of travels has given him a broad scope of knowledge and an eclectic taste unlike any other in the tri-state area. Julian has often been compared to cultural icon, The Rock, because of his unequivocal work ethic and warrior-like stature.

More In Goods

Goods Gillian Fuller

Sneakers Covered In Poop Emoji Are The Sh*t For Fall (Photos)

Ladies, if you think your man has a sh*tty sense of style, then you should buy him BetaBrand’s newest Franklin high tops to improve his sartorial skills and make his wardrobe a bit sh*ttier. Make sense? Let me explain. The shoes are covered in the teeny, tiny, poop emoji organized in a geometric pattern, and — even though it’s, […]

Also On Elite

Food

A Chef Got Drunk One Night And Decided To Invent Red Velvet Corn Dogs (Photos)

Kyle Marcoux is not above giving the people what they want. Marcoux is the brains behind The Vulgar Chef, a food blog that throws Julia Child’s rules to the side in favor of what tastes delicious. His language isn’t proper, either — the word “dick” is often tossed around in his kitchen. While drunk one […]

Humor

Louis CK May Have Just Figured The Entire Universe Out On Twitter

Despite having more than 3.8 million followers, Louis CK has never been a huge fan of Twitter. Since joining in February 2009, the comedian has tweeted less than once a day, primarily using the platform as a promotional tool. But after complaining about tweeter’s block less than a week ago, he took to Twitter today […]

Film

OMFG: There MAY Be A ‘Sex And The City 3′ Hitting The Big Screen

Is there a better way to start your Friday than with news of another “Sex And The City” movie? Well, according to Jennifer Hudson, a third installment of the franchise may just be happening! Hudson told “Dish Nation”: I think it might be [happening]. Somebody just came to me talking about that. So if it’s […]

World

Uber Will Hire 50K Members Of The Military Over Next Year And A Half

Uber has announced that it will be hiring tens of thousands of drivers from the military community over the next year and a half. According to the Huffington Post, the ride service app has launched a program called UberMilitary that will hire 50,000 people who are either current service members, retired veterans or spouses of […]

Envision

Money Is Way Cooler When Historic Figures Are Turned Into Famous People (Photos)

By now, you probably know that yes, it is illegal to “mutilate” or “deface” the United States currency in any way. However, this art is an exception; because it’s awesome. Artist James Charles used various bills as his canvases for illustrations of well-known people. Charles even featured Willy Wonka and Hugh Hefner in these money-fueled works of […]

World

Teens Arrested For Disgusting Ice Bucket ‘Prank’ On Classmate With Autism

The Ohio teenagers who allegedly dumped urine and tobacco spit on an autistic boy trying to complete the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge last August have finally been charged. The five kids, ages 14 to 16, are accused of pouring the bucket of waste on the 15-year-old victim on August 18. He stood in his underwear in […]