Whole Foods is by no means your average supermarket.
Walking into this place is sort of like entering a strange dimension where everyone is obsessed with gluten-free sh*t and you’re not one of the cool kids unless you eat kale.
At times, strolling through the aisles can be pretty entertaining, and to this day, I don’t think I’ve ever managed to make it out of a Whole Foods without saying “WTF?” to myself at least once or twice.
Amidst the crowds of upper middle-class shoppers searching for organic, cruelty-free chia seeds and vegan soy products, you’ll find shelves lined with all sorts of hilarious food items that just go way too far.
However, you’ll probably stop laughing once you get to the register because the prices are just as insane as the weird sh*t sold there.
In fact, many people have protested Whole Foods for this reason, including Menu Police, a watchdog organization that recently set out to “protect and savor” consumers by exposing the injustice of their high prices.
Take a look at the pictures to see some of the most ridiculous things you can find in Whole Foods.
Breakfast just wouldn’t be the same without a $34 emu egg omelette…
Topped with some $93 truffles, of course.
This blueberry pancake-flavored pork sausage lets you eat both of your favorite breakfast foods at the same time.
Four stalks of asparagus in a jar of water for $5.99? Sounds like a great deal if you ask me.
Only Whole Foods knows the struggle of being so damn hungry, you could eat an entire swordfish.
Or a whole Opah, whatever the hell that is.
If you’re looking for some seafood that’s on the scarier side, you can always terrify you dinner guests with this fish on fish monstrosity.
Come on, Whole Foods, if you’re going to ruin ice cream by putting kale in it, you can at least make it a little cheaper than $10 a pint.
Spotted dick is the perfect treat to satisfy those sugar cravings.
And if that’s not enough to do the trick, you can also get your hands on a sack of raw balls.
— K (@KayLonEe15) April 30, 2013
Or how about tossing back a nice tall glass of camel’s milk?
I guess air isn’t free when it’s in plant form.
Almond butter just tastes so much better when it’s alive.
— All Hearing Ear (@1AllHearingEar) June 20, 2015
I’ll take one pound of unicorn, please.
Yet another overpriced container of guac, tainted by the evil kale of Whole Foods.
If you’re looking to blow your entire paycheck in one sitting, you can always grab a $491 spicy tuna roll for lunch.
— kfed (@el_kfed) January 17, 2014
On the bright side, their sushi makes those little containers of fruit almost seem like a real bargain.
See what I’m talking about! Wtf Whole Foods?! Fruit may grow on trees, but my mula doesn’t! pic.twitter.com/OIDwGAVp0i
— Kelli Lopez (@kellinoodle) November 4, 2014
Whole Foods might be the only place on the planet that actually carries boneless watermelons. Seriously, you have no idea how hard it is to find that sh*t.
I only buy the finest boneless watermelon from Whole Foods pic.twitter.com/sSMJUud2Jn
— Vanilla Gorilla (@RashanCHarris) July 27, 2015
Seriously, if you’re paying $250 for a pound of fungus, these mushrooms better turn you into some sort of damn wizard with magical powers.
Ok Whole Foods….wtf is in these mushrooms? pic.twitter.com/ndMzloS9JD
— Ben (@benreaux) June 27, 2014
Aged “raw with mother”? Now you’ve gone too far, Whole Foods.
Whole Foods is so progressive, their slicers don’t even discriminate against non-organic bread.
Lemon tap water for $4 a bottle? Seems legit.
Thanks to Whole Foods, you can finally incorporate gluten-free soap into your next cleanse.
Remember, if you’re going to have sex, be responsible and buy $13 box of sustainable condoms.
— Mark Kroening (@makroening) August 2, 2015
You’re drunk, Whole Foods. Go home and take your hipster nonsense with you.
Check out this hilarious video to see a guy pretending to work at Whole Foods.
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