10 Awful Fathers That Will Make You Appreciate Your Own Father On Father’s Day

Tyler Gildin

This Sunday is Father’s Day: the day we celebrate all of the wonderful things about our fathers. From baseball catches, to watching TV, to keeping secrets from Mom, it’s important to pay tribute to the man whose testicles started it all.

Some people aren’t as fortunate to have a father, let alone a loving and supportive one. So this Father’s Day, while you sit with your family around the barbeque and give your father the new checkered shirt you got him that he probably won’t end up wearing — appreciate the great father you are lucky to have.

Here are 10 Awful Fathers That Will Make You Appreciate Your Own Father On Father’s Day:

Reese Bobby, “Talladega Nights”

Father of legendary NASCAR driver Ricky Bobby, Reese Bobby, walked out on Ricky and his mother when Ricky was very young. Despite making a brief appearance smoking a cigarette during career day when Ricky was 10-years-old, Reese was never around. After coming back into Ricky’s life to help him train after his injury, he showed up to his final race, just to try and scalp his reserved tickets.

Jack Bauer, “24”

Jack Bauer was an amazing CTU Agent and an American hero, but when it came to being a father, he was horrendous. How much sh*t could he drag his daughter Kim through!? From being kidnapped, to being attacked by a lion, to being trapped with Jonny Drama in a bunker, to losing her Mother, Kim Bauer was constantly thrown into sh*tty situations because of Jack.

Hank Moody, “Californication”

Hank Moody is a beloved character, but clearly a sh*tty parent. The example he sets for his daughter Becca is so terrible, she eventually chooses to try and emulate his life of being an alcoholic writer. From various fights, arrests, drunk binges, and (oh yea) sexual harassment charges, Hank Moody is definitely not the ideal father-like figure.

Nigel Powers, “Austin Powers”

Austin Power’s Father wasn’t the most supportive person in his life; he was never there!!

Tywin Lannister, “Game Of Thrones”

When it comes to sh*tty fathers, you can definitely make the argument that Tywin Lannister is amongst the sh*ttiest. Though he claims he would do anything to protect his family name, it is pretty much only when it’s beneficial to him. His most “noble” gesture was telling his dwarf son Tyrion that though he wanted to drown him in the sea because his birth caused his mother’s death, he kept him alive because he is a Lannister. Yeah, the guy is pretty much a major dick.

 Frank Gallagher, “Shameless”

Frank Gallagher is the epitome of the alcoholic white-trash father with whom his six kids would probably be much better off without. From being unemployed, conniving, abusive, and as has his son Lip refers to him as, “a total f*cking assh*le,” Frank is the exact opposite of everything you’d want in a parent.

Norman Osbourn, “Spider-Man”

It’s one thing to have a father who’s not always around, it’s another thing to have a father who turns into The Green Goblin and tries to kill your best friend. And then he convinces you to follow in his footsteps? Yea, Norman Osbourn is definitely not the ideal father.

George Bluth Senior, “Arrested Development”

From the first episode of the series when he gets arrested for fraudulent spending of the family company’s money, George Bluth Senior has proven to be a terrible parental figure. Even from within jail, he was able to continue committing fraud and pitting his children against one another, until he eventually faked his own death and secretly hid out in the model home’s attic. Though certainly one of the funnier characters on the show, George Bluth Senior is not the ideal father figure.

Anthony Cooper, “Lost”

Anthony Cooper, where do you even start? Well, the biological father of John Locke who left when John was a boy, decided to come back when he was in need of kidney. Wasn’t John happily obliged? Cooper ditched John in the hospital and ran off, ultimately stealing his son’s kidney. Of course, he came back into John’s life again, like when he asked for some insurance money after he faked his own death. And did I forget to mention the fact that he speared him out of a glass window, causing John to fall to the ground and become paralyzed? Yeah, Anthony Cooper is about as douchey as Dads get.

Frank Reynolds, “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”

Frank Reynolds is the father of Dennis and Dee Reynolds, though they refuse to address him as anything other than Frank. Frank is an unstable drunk and a terrible father who often exploits and makes fun of his children for his benefit. When Dennis and Dee were younger, he created a tradition where every Christmas, he would buy the presents that they wanted, for himself, just so he could ruin them in front of them. Oh, what a good old Saint Nicholas.

So this Sunday, appreciate your father for not being a drunk, trouble-making, absent, abusive, criminal, abandoning guy who stole your kidney and turned into The Green Goblin.

Happy Father’s Day!
Tyler Gildin

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