7 Of The Most Commonly Lost Items
Becoming more organized is one of the most common goals on just about every New Year’s resolution list. Nobody likes to lose things, regardless of how trivial the item may be.
We’ve all been there before, on our hands and knees searching for something we swear we saw “just a minute ago.” Let’s all try and be more responsible this year and hold on to our possessions. Here are 7 of the most commonly lost items.
How many nights have you gone to sleep wearing two socks, and woken up wearing one? Where the heck does that other sock go? It’s as if there is a little Sock Troll living under our covers, stealing our socks, and watching us sleep naked!
Even if you try to avoid the evil troll by sending your socks to a laundromat, you know you’re only getting back a portion of them; and it’s usually an odd number (I swear if you undressed my dry-cleaner, you’d find she’s wearing half of my clothes!). Socks are impossible to keep a hold of.
When you transfer flights, there’s a decent chance your luggage gets lost. The same theory applies to chapstick and changing your pants. The more pairs of pants you put on in a given week, the greater chance you have of losing your chapstick.
Buying a new chapstick weekly has become an American pastime. Occasionally, you’ll get lucky enough to find your old chapstick a week later in the original pants hanging in your closet, (why don’t they fall out of the pockets when you hang them up!?).
The bad news is, within three days you’ll lose your old and new chapsticks, forcing you to have to go buy another one. If you want to always have chapstick, buy in bulk or never change your pants!
How often have you asked your roommate if you can borrow their nail clippers? Nail clippers are one of those items that you often misplace, yet rarely find it necessary to immediately replace.
You usually don’t realize you’ve even lost them until a month goes by and you start looking like Wolverine. Borrowing from a CLEAN roommate usually suffices, but it still doesn’t answer the question of where the hell did your god damn nail clipper go?
How many total hours have you missed at the gym because you were spending too much time beforehand looking for your headphones? I’m convinced that headphones (especially Apple ones) have a certain life span before they just vanish.
Unlike other Apple products, that after a year of use just break or become outdated, I’m convinced Apple headphones have a built in function that makes them just disappear.
The only positive is that because everyone has the same pair of headphones, you can get away with stealing your roommate’s as a short-term solution. Ultimately though, those headphones will vanish too, eventually forcing you to have to go buy another pair. Damn you Steve Jobs, damn you!
The interesting things about misplacing your cell phone is that it’s usually exactly where it’s supposed to be. How many times have you temporarily freaked out that you couldn’t find your cell phone while you were using cell your phone!?
Because the cell phone now has so many different functions, we often use it to serve another purpose, and then freak out when we don’t feel it in our pockets.
Granted, there are plenty of times where we do find our cell phone in between the couch cushions, under our beds, or floating in the toilet bowl. Most often it’s our minds that we’re losing, not our cell phones.
How many weekend mornings have you woke up after a rough night out and immediately dove towards your wallet? There’s nothing worse to add to a raging hangover than discovering you’re missing a credit card.
You panic, checking under the trail of clothing leading from your door to your bed before deciding whether or not to call and cancel it.
Even if it turns out that you left it at the bar because you forgot to close your tab, that’s usually an indication that you spent way too much money, making it a lose lose situation either way.
We Facebook, blog, video, Instagram, and tweet about every single thing that happens in our lives. Do we really think that everyone else cares? Let’s all try and take a step back in 2013, because once you lose your dignity, it’s almost impossible to get back. Just ask Lindsay Lohan.
Tyler Gildin | Elite.
@TylerGildin is a NYC based Stand Up comedian.
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