I make it a point only to vomit into toilets and onto beds, but unfortunately my body doesn’t always agree with this philosophy.
One time I threw up on my sister in the car and instead of apologizing, I told her she should have had better reflexes (I was into ninjas back then).
Back in March, a kid named Jack mouth-exploded all over Powell’s Books — a leading contender for the most “Portland” store in Portland — and he behaved far more chivalrously than I.
He didn’t know who exactly cleaned up his vomit when he left, so he covered his bases simply by beginning the letter with: “Attention Barf Cleaners.”
Here’s the full letter from Jack (aka the kid who puked right next to the bathroom):
This Ben and Jerry's card is for the people who cleaned up the throwup of a kid on Friday the 28th. I don't know their names but I thank them alot and I'm sorry again for throwing up and hope you enjoy your ice cream.
Jack, aka the kid that puked right next to the bathroom
Don’t worry, he didn’t just claim to include the gift card:
No word on how much the gift card was worth, but let’s just assume it was huge and his grandmother gave it to him because that’s nice to think about.
Now all we need is a world where all problems could be solved in this manner.
Attention angry ex-girlfriend,
I’m sorry I ran over your cat with my car and tried to kiss your mom. Here is a Ben & Jerry’s gift card. I hope you enjoy the ice cream with your mom.
Alec (aka the guy you used to date who also killed your cat)
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