Have A Small Penis? You Could Be A Big Weiner (Winner!) There’s A Contest For You.

Have A Small Penis? You Could Be A Big Weiner (Winner!) There’s A Contest For You.
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Sometimes good things really do come in small packages…

According to the New York Post, ‘Kings County Bar’ in Bushwick has already had members sign up for the inaugural contest, set for July 20.

“The little guy needs to be celebrated,” said bar manager Aimee Arciuolo, 33, who’s behind the shillelagh spectacle. “They work much harder than the others.”

You know a bar has become desperate for promotional events when they’re seeking out the smallest penises in the city. I would have figured it was gunna be held in Chinatown! The Brooklyn event will include an actual pageant, consisting of  a talent show, musical numbers and a question-and-answer session. Hmm… I can see it now:

First Question: “How small is your penis?”

Second Question: “Do you like having a baby dick?

Third Question: “If you won, how could your teeny weeny peeny change the world?”

There’s no maximum size requirement for the competition, but judges are expected to disqualify any “show-offs”. Apparently anyone measuring over 8 inches will be forced to buy a round of drinks for the panel of experts, according to Arciuolo. I think for once in my life I’d be more than happy to buy a round.

small dick2

So if you have a small penis, cancel everything you’ve got on July 20th and head on down to Bushwick to show what you’ve got (or don’t got). My prediction, a lot more people will be signed up then actually compete (aka people will be signing up their friends as a joke). To win the contest, some strategies will include thinking of your grandma naked, looking at other guy’s penises, and jumping in a cold pool.

shrinkage

But who knows, maybe all the baby dicks will “rise “to the occasion.

Word to the wise, don’t just type in “small penis contest” into Google Images…you may not like what you find.

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Tyler Gildin

Tyler Gildin is an NYC-based Stand Up Comedian and the Creative Director at Elite Daily. He is a Television Radio Film graduate from Syracuse University and performs at clubs and colleges all over the country. He’s been written up and interviewed in publications including Newsday, CBS New York, AOL Patch and SiriusXM Mad Dog Radio. He once forgot to wear his underwear to school in 4th grade, and his mom came and brought them for him in a manila envelope. His teacher opened it in front of the class.

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