Elite Obituary: The Internet Model

Elite Obituary: The Internet Model
Humor

We have come upon yet another week here at Elite Daily, so it is time for yet another Obituary concerning society’s most infamous and uncalled-for cultural aesthetics: this week, we are putting the Internet Model to rest. An emerging trend, contemporaneous with digital-media, the internet model has quickly become the darling child of Photo-Shopping techniques. Who knew that false images could become a new sensation?

These internet models are some of the more disingenuous persons in society: not only do internet models scream out for attention by demanding a place on the fashion scene, they also cheat their way onto the screens of millions of users. Meanwhile, the actual chance of these girls’ wistful dreams of fashion fame are near zero, even with digital surgery.

They are certainly frowned upon, most would rather send money to that Ethiopian Prince looking to make you an easy $60k, if only you would send him a money-order to confirm your account! Just because a mall photographer looking to make an easy $600 bribed you into taking a few head-shots and sign a phony contract, does not mean you are any step closer to being on the cover of Vogue.

It is clear these women are insecure, and how could they not be? Aspirations of becoming a model are glamorous for the “famous” lifestyles these women lead, simply for being beautiful. But the sad reality is that modeling is a viscous career, often times devouring the young and naive, rather than spitting out established business women. So while their dreams are pursued through deceit, the internet model is pursuing a career that, even if she found success, would most likely lead to her demise anyway.

How do you spot the internet model, you ask? Their photos are always those that seek attention: cleavage, booty shorts, bad tans, kissy faces, and a plethora of mirror photos taken with a flashing light from her handheld, digital-camera in the corner. Their status updates are also fashioned in a way so as to let the world know what they are doing, even if it pointless, quotidian minutia: “Just did my nails.”

The National Inquirer may waste precious paper from killed trees weekly when reporting that Brad Pitt had a wart removed, but that does not mean we care that you got a tongue ring. No one cares.

If all of this were not bad enough, they often supply their own booking information, with themselves as their own manager. Some internet models even post their “booking agent’s” contact info as a gmail account. What major corporation runs under a gmail account, besides Google themselves?

If a red flag has not yet gone up, signaling that this girl is clearly a self-employed Facebook fanatic, then you deserve as much help as she does for believing her ploy. As if anyone sane person would see that ridiculous mirror-shot profile picture and thinks to themselves, “Wow, that is high fashion, let me book this idiot,” and then proceed to email her at “super_hot_model@gmail.com.”

There is a reason these girls remain undiscovered talent: they are not remotely appealing, by any means. They may look eerily different, even borderline attractive in that photoshopped Facebook album of their 742 head shots. But if they ever arrived on a set, confusion would ensue, and then panic over the horribly inaccurate comparison between her “Head Shot” and actual face.

While although height is no matter for a 4″ x 8″ casting card, to be considered for high fashion you must be taller than 5’3″. And no, the casting agent does not care that you have a close up of your cleavage in a pink shirt. You do not even need to take our word for it, have you ever been to a NYC club? It is like the African Sahara: long, lean women walking around as if you happened upon a clandestine giraffe watering hole. They are immensely taller than most men, especially in their heels.

The internet model is one of the modern day oddities, forever doomed to haunt our news feed. Perhaps they are not the worst phenomena, it used to be the Waitress/Professional-Actress handing their resume to every guy in a suit who sits down for a grilled cheese at a diner.

While social media has allowed for instantaneous connection, it has also superfluously allowed for instantaneous self-absorption. The power to broadcast a message to 1,000 “friends” can often get to person’s head. While having 600 likes on your revealing profile picture may provide a transitory sense of approval, it hardly establishes your position in this world substantially. Drop the Nikon Coolpix and do everyone else a favor: go to school, maybe get a job, but please, stop trying to become a model.

Elite.

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Preston Waters

Preston Waters is a thinker. He's not your traditional philosophical persona, however, as he leaves no topic untouched. Covering all the bases, from business to women, Preston Waters is the ultimate man's man for Gen-Y.

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