Since the creation of the online social networks, the most popular one today we all know is Facebook. I have been on Facebook since it first came out. In fact, my friends thought I was “weird” for talking to people, particularly women, on the internet at the time of Facebook’s arrival on the young adult scene.
However, they were completely unaware that Facebook was a goldmine for a single young man ( I was 21 at the time and in the Marine Corps), and I was connecting with tons of women that I have never seen before. Shortly after Facebook came out, more people joined, to the point where those who didn’t have an account were considered weird…funny how things work out, isn’t it?
Facebook was the easiest way for me to meet women. Being a marine who just finished his second tour in Iraq, I missed out on college and wasn’t around the typical party scene. It also didn’t help living on base in the horrible town of Jacksonville, NC which was referred to as the “arm pit of America.”
Facebook was my savior. It gave me instant access to the outside world and it was absolutely free to browse. I could literally “window shop” for a cutie to talk to whenever I wanted. I’d casually talk to women until the day came where I could meet them in person when I was able to return home to New Jersey for national holidays.
But, there were the unfortunate and humiliating occasions where I would spend a lot of my time talking to what would turn out to be an imposter (it happens to the best of us); which brings me to my first experience that happened years ago. I was talking to this extremely attractive woman online. Things went well so she pushed to swap numbers (first red flag).
Our conversations would go on for hours and we spoke for weeks, but when plans were made and this mysterious person and I were supposed to meet up, something on her end would prevent us from doing so. Things like: she got into a car accident, she broke her leg, and even to the point where she said her mother died. Naturally, I nursed her with kind words and told her everything would be OK, but I started to have this strange feeling in my body that something was off.
Eventually my dumb ass realized that this person, as hot as she was in her profile, was obviously some kind of impostor. I thought it wasn’t possible since she literally had thousands of pictures of herself on her profile, but then it dawned on me that people are so sick and desperate for attention, that they will go to great lengths to get it; even steal someone’s entire identity.
Eventually, a lot clues gave her away so I decided to cut this person off and never speak to her again. This was truly comical to me as I realized how pathetic people can be and how naive I was. Over the years I realized how to spot a fake in seconds.
Some things are instant giveaways to a fake profile:
1.) The person has very few pictures on their profile, especially if they have stock photos as their profile pic or they are clearly impersonating a model.
2.) They have no pictures tagged with their friends.
3.) Their comments are solely composed of all guys or all girls hitting on them.
4.) Their timeline consists of posts only of songs or club promotions, with no friends posting anything about hanging out etc.
5.) They don’t speak proper English, and speak in a strange way, or ask very weird questions.
6.) They refuse to take pictures proving who they are and texting them to you.
7.) They are very sexually aggressive on the phone or Facebook: a characteristic that is not congruent with someone of high value.
8.) They have a fake relationship. (funniest thing I saw was this guy made a profile and was engaged to this extremely hot girl who was totally out of his league.He would leave comments on his profile from his obviously fake girl friend’s profile that he made himself to look as if he is dating this hot girl.)
9.) They stole your friend’s identity. Of course this is obvious but hilarious to mention.
10.) It’s a hot person asking weird questions about your ex.
I could go on forever about fake profiles but what’s even more sad is the fact that real people we know actually use their Facebook as a self-promoting, propaganda campaign that is way worse than the FOX Network could ever be.
Guys post reverse psychology statuses, claiming that they aren’t douches (when they are the biggest) and girls use photo shop or certain angles to modify their bodies or hide parts of their figure in pictures. Some men like to act tough in pics and statuses; actually talking shit to other guys on Facebook, but then turn out to be quite nice in person. I have even seen girls posting half-naked photos but claiming to be a “classy bitch,” which the term in itself is an oxymoron.
An instantly laughable status is when someone posts ” well I am not a drama queen but….” before dramatically ranting about their life, making them look utterly pathetic as a result. It’s actually hilarious but saddening at the same time to watch some of these people promote their so called “real lives” on Facebook. I’ve joked with my friends that maybe Facebook should be changed to “Fakebook.”
From fake wanna-be self-proclaimed models to white boy gangstas popping bottles in the VIP to our favorite, annoying Fakebook sports announcers that give you the exact the play by play that anyone watching the game can see for themselves at the same time; it can all be very irritating to watch.
Trends are born, and then die, such as Willy Wonka MEMEs and whenever the new hottest song gets posted to the point where it gets played out in one week. Every girl seems to have this need to post the same quotes from Marilyn Monroe, who by the way ladies, is not a woman you should want to model yourself after. Fakebook exposes how herd-like humanity really is, and sadly shows the lack of genuine, original souls in our society.
Even worse, Fakebook has become a weapon of ex-lovers and friends who become double agents. People adding the ex of their current lover; girls commenting how beautiful another is while they secretly hate on them; insecure guys searching for any comment left on their girl’s profile to accuse their lover of cheating, when they secretly are – the list goes on.
It has become a “weapon of FACT-destruction.” A warzone of manipulation and egotistic tactics used to wage a psychological war on their opponents through deception and impersonation. Every day you see a guy or girl pose with someone to make their ex jealous, or a newly separated couple changing their statuses; torturing each other in order to strike back at the person who broke their heart. We are all guilty of doing something similar at some point in our lives, but some of you still haven’t stopped.
It is a shame that a society that preaches diversity actually has manifested in a social media that demonstrates how so many people are willingly ready to be molded by the same cookie-cutter. And at the same time, Fakebook is full of those vain, egocentric, lost souls who want everyone to share their misery.
They claim to be original and confident but when no one buys into their false advertising, eventually they lose it and their true colors finally spill out into their profile statuses and pictures, which scream, ” I’M FAKE” all over it. But I can’t really complain, because I think we all like to get a few good laughs during the day when we see these fools in action.
And what’s even funnier is when I post statuses exposing such childish, vain behavior, some of those who actually like them, turn out to be very people I’m talking about in this article.
Do people really think they can take a picture to hide their figure and expect someone to meet them in person, seeing they don’t match the picture and say, ” well shit, I drove this far, might as well do what I came to do”, instead of flooring the gas? Do people really think they can be taken seriously after every post contradicts the last post they claimed about themselves or how great their life is?
Do people really think we are so dumb that we can’t see the obvious display of selfishness, insecurity, and immaturity on their profiles? Unfortunately, most people think the answer is yes to these questions, otherwise they wouldn’t be acting the way they do.
My message to these Fakebookers is this: WE CAN SEE YOU AND WE ARE NOT FOOLED! You’re busted! Users are typically too timid to tell these people this fact, but I’m not. That is why I took it upon myself to write this article, because I believe it’s time for more Facebook users to start calling these insecure drama queens, and posers out. They flood our news feeds with their dramatic useless rants, and bring nothing good to our Facebook community.
This article simply expresses my personal opinion and shares what I have observed over the years. If it has offended you, then obviously at some level you must be guilty of something that I have exposed. But like I said, we all have done things like this in our past, so I suggest you put your emotions aside and take my advice: stop acting fake because you’re making yourself look bad.
If you’d like to add me on Facebook, feel free to do so. Just search for Angelo John Gage and you will find me. But if you are a what I call a “Fakebooker”, please have the courtesy to stay away.
Angelo Gage | Elite.