These Are All The Things We Really Want To Happen On 'Fuller House'

As you know, "Full House," the family sitcom from your childhood (and also from now, because it's still on every night) is being rebooted into a Netflix series called "Fuller House."

DJ, Steph, Uncle Jesse and anyone else who wanted in are getting the band back together… well, except for Papouli because they killed him off real quick. RIP, you handsome Greek angel.

Anyway, the show sounds wholesome and lovely and I'm sure it will be great. For real. But it got me thinking: What if they took this bad boy in a totally different direction?

Since nobody will give me Jeff Franklin's personal email (I already tried the obvious “JeffFranklinICreatedFullHouseAndNowFullerHouse@gmail.com”), I had to take things into my own hands and create an alternate "Fuller House" -- one that's a bit darker.

One where DJ and Kimmy have turned to a life of crime. One where Michelle is running a local coffee shop called “You Got It, Brewed!” One where Rebecca and Jesse are separated.

Don't worry --- they both land on their feet, as Aunt Becky becomes a popular local detective and Uncle Jesse tries like hell to get his t-shirt app (Shallow V) off the ground.

The show still has plenty of heartfelt moments, mixed in with a few F-bombs and a bit of armed robbery. I've included a few scenes below. If you know Jeff Franklin, tell him to hire me for some consulting work for season two! I have plenty of other scripts for reference.

Talk about a killer opening scene! OK, now let's jump ahead to when Detective Donaldson confronts her ex about possible involvement in the robberies.

Talk about tension! And who knew Jesse loved Mumford & Sons so much? OK, let's jump ahead one more time and check in with how DJ's life of crime has ruined her relationship with Michelle.