Generation whY!? Loving Our Birthdays Too Much

Generation whY!? Loving Our Birthdays Too Much
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I understand the principal behind wanting to celebrate your date of birth. It’s an extra excuse once a year to go out with all of your friends and get sh*tfaced without having to seem like a complete alcoholic. But some people take their birthday to a whole new level. Just because your birthday is a significant date on the calendar for you, doesn’t mean it is for everyone else.

People have always cared about their birthdays, but our generation is obsessed with letting everyone know. From posting “It’s my birthday!!!” on our Facebooks, to making Facebook events and inviting thousands of people, to wearing stupid little tiaras out at night, girls especially find the need to let everyone around them know that today is THEIR day. We get it!

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I have no problem attending your drunken event in honor of your passage through your mother’s vagina, but don’t expect me to be throwing down hundreds and hundreds of dollars for it. Sure, if we’re getting a table at a cool club, then I’ll throw down the occasional few bucks, but don’t expect me to be emptying out the bank for you. And please, can we just celebrate for ONE day!?

How did birth-day, turn into birth-week, to birth-month, to freakin birth-year!? You have one week to celebrate your birthday, that’s it. And that doesn’t mean that every night of the week we should be having a different celebration in your honor. There should be just one party, on one night during that week, that’s it! So if your birthday is on a Friday or Saturday, that night is all about you. If your birthday is during the week and you want to have a weekend party, choose which night you want and let us do our own thing the other night. This weekend isn’t Amandapalooza.

“I can do what I want! It’s my birth-week” – a girl who needs to be repeatedly slapped in the face.

There’s nothing worse than the people who decide, for whatever reason, they want to celebrate their birthday a week after their actual birthday. No! No! No! Sorry, your birthday has come and gone, we’ve moved on. We have another person’s birthday to pretend we care about: we are done caring about yours.

I don’t know the easiest way to tell you this, but no one actually gives a sh*t that it’s your birthday. Outside of your boyfriend/girlfriend, your parents and MAYBE one or two of your best friends, people couldn’t care less about the fact that you turned a year older. Congrats, you did it! You survived another year! No one else’s calendar has New Years, Christmas, and YOUR birthday circled on it!

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Some girls even get mad at their friends if they don’t send them a text by 12:05 am on their birthday. Are you serious!? How desperate are you for attention? I’ve seen girls legitimately say things along the lines of “something must be seriously wrong with her, or I’m gunna be pissed!” So you’d rather something be wrong with your friend than her just forgetting to text you “happy birthday” five minutes after midnight? Yeah, that seems logical…

So next time your birthday comes around, make a plan for one night and that’s it. Preferably the night of your actual birthday and it should consist of everyone having the best time at the least expensive cost. Just a casual get together where everyone can get smashed on your behalf without having the fact that it’s your birthday shoved in their face. We’re all happy that you’ve managed to live another year, but if you continue to push our buttons, next time we might prefer you didn’t.

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Tyler Gildin

Tyler Gildin is an NYC-based Stand Up Comedian and the Creative Director at Elite Daily. He is a Television Radio Film graduate from Syracuse University and performs at clubs and colleges all over the country. He’s been written up and interviewed in publications including Newsday, CBS New York, AOL Patch and SiriusXM Mad Dog Radio. He once forgot to wear his underwear to school in 4th grade, and his mom came and brought them for him in a manila envelope. His teacher opened it in front of the class.

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