Generation whY!? We Put The ADD In Adderall

Generation whY!? We Put The ADD In Adderall
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For many college students, trying to do work without Adderall is like trying to masturbate without your hands: it’s impossible. Whether it’s pulling an all nighter to last-minute binge study for a test, trying to finish a long essay you couldn’t give any less of a sh*t about, or just allowing yourself to focus for one hour on a simple assignment, too many college kids have become fully dependent on the use of Adderall.

Urban Dictionary defines Adderall as: “the only way to finish homework.” As much of a satirical definition as this may be, for a lot of college students, it couldn’t be any more dead on. Many who take the drug refer to having this ability to get their work done as being “cracked out,” and claim without it, they could never focus. They’ve become addicted!

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Studies have suggested that Adderall has actually become the most abused drug by college students. Really? Adderall? That’s the “drug of choice” at campuses around the country? With so many drugs at our disposal in college, and so many opportunities to “explore our minds,” why are we wasting our time on Adderall, of all drugs? Whatever happened to the good old days of just getting high?

“Yoo guys, I just got back from the doc with a full bottle of Adderall! Who wants to study!!??” – some huge nerd.

I knew plenty of students who would go to the library for a full 24 hours during finals week and claimed their only way to binge study was by taking Adderall. Considering we are the pill-popping generation, where every other kid is prescribed medicine for some condition they or their parents claim they have, it’s not very hard to get your hands on a few prescription pills.

Kids with actual ADD have become underground drug dealers, providing friends and fellow students with the coveted “study drug.” The only issue with having a drug dealer who has ADD is sometimes he forgets to meet you at the drop off…(get it? He’s too distracted!)

And of course, much like with any drug, our generation has decided that simply swallowing it isn’t “cool” enough. A lot of people actually crush it up and snort it , as opposed to taking it orally. I’ve actually first-hand witnessed a kid in a cubicle at the library, chopping up Adderall and snorting it, before going back to work.

Are you serious!? Chopping up and snorting a drug that helps make you study? The paradox of the whole thing is too hilarious. Just imaging the modern day Scarface sitting in front of a large mountain of Adderall and snorting it so he can go study, is just too much for me.

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Many schools are starting to crack down on the “cracked out” drug and are beginning to classify it as a form of cheating. According to an article posted in The New York Times, some campuses require students who get the drug from pharmacies on campus to sign a contract promising not to share the medicine with others and to agree to drug testing.

College officials view taking Adderall as taking a performance enhancement drug, much like players taking steroids in baseball. I get where they’re coming from, but Adderall doesn’t make your dick shrink and college students aren’t getting paid millions of dollars to do what we do. Also, Alex Rodriguez is a huge f*cking prick (I know that’s irrelevant, but even Brian Cashman told him to shut the f*ck up!)

Sure, I can attest to the fact that it may be tough to focus on a lot of the work we had to do in college. A lot of our assignments were, in fact, tedious bull sh*t! With so many distractions, like drinking, sex and actual recreational drugs, being able to concentrate on our work can be somewhat of a pain. But that is what life is all about: time management. That’s the reason we’re in college in the first place, to learn how to manage our time, grow, and mature as people and future leaders of the world (and of course to drink, have sex and do recreational drugs, as well).

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So my advice to all of you Adderall addicts who just graduated and are now being released into the real world, try to ween yourself off the pill. Unless you’re in grad school studying for more tests, or working for a drug dealer, no employer is trying to hire a “cracked out” employee.

Photos via Tumblr 

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Tyler Gildin

Tyler Gildin is an NYC-based Stand Up Comedian and the Creative Director at Elite Daily. He is a Television Radio Film graduate from Syracuse University and performs at clubs and colleges all over the country. He’s been written up and interviewed in publications including Newsday, CBS New York, AOL Patch and SiriusXM Mad Dog Radio. He once forgot to wear his underwear to school in 4th grade, and his mom came and brought them for him in a manila envelope. His teacher opened it in front of the class.

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