Generation whY!? Why Do We Care About The Stupidest Sh*T?

Generation whY!? Why Do We Care About The Stupidest Sh*T?
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If the internet has taught us one thing this past week, it’s that as a generation, we need to get our freakin priorities straight!

First, it was the news about “Batman.” Warner Bros. announced that Ben Affleck would be replacing Christian Bale as the new Batman, and the world went batsh*t!! (get it?). How could this be?! Everyone cried out, “why God, why!?” People were up in arms as if the whole Batman franchise would spontaneously combust. Would he play the role with a Boston accent!??

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It was all we could talk about for three days, until… Miley Cyrus. MILEY FREAKIN CYRUS. Last Sunday’s Video Music Awards might as well have been called the Miley Cyrus Twerk Awards because that’s the only thing anyone has spoken about since.

I understand that people were shocked about the 20-year-old’s choice of clothes (or lack there of) and sexual dance moves during the performance, but was it really THAT big of a deal? I guess I’m a little too old to have grown up watching her on Disney (I stopped after “Even Stevens” and “Lizzie McGuire”), so maybe that’s why it doesn’t resonate with me as strongly.

Or maybe because I’m a guy in my mid 20’s with as much sexual hormones as the next guy, I kind of liked it. Sure, it was a bit weird to watch a young girl foam-fingering herself, but I can’t say I wasn’t slightly aroused…

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One small step for Miley, one giant leap for foam fingers everywhere…

In a recent article, we showed that the night of the VMAs, Miley’s Google peak rating rose from 67 to 100 in under 24 hours, while the peak search value for chemical attacks in Syria fell from a 24 to a 3! Do you comprehend how insane that is!?? What is wrong with us!? Why are we so mesmerized by the Twerk!?

We have become zombies, mindlessly following the next biggest celebrity news story as if it’s the only thing that matters. Before the “Batman” controversy, it was the news about the Royal Baby and North West that everyone was obsessing over. Freakin Babies!?!? Can we at least try for a second to focus on some sort of actual, real life issues?

I’m not saying we all need to drop everything we’re doing immediately and go help the military (yeah, that’s not happening…), but we should at least try not to have 95% of our thoughts, conversations and dreams filled with images of celebrities who don’t warrant being idolized! I can’t even sleep anymore!

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So for the love of God and all things holy in this world, can we make a generation-wide effort to stop worshiping celebrities and focus on some of the more impactful issues in the world? We need less twerking and more working because, before you know it, it won’t be our asses that are shaking– but our world.

*Insert mind blown.

Check out last week’s “Generation whY!? The Dick Pic Dilemma.”

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Tyler Gildin

Tyler Gildin is an NYC-based Stand Up Comedian and the Creative Director at Elite Daily. He is a Television Radio Film graduate from Syracuse University and performs at clubs and colleges all over the country. He’s been written up and interviewed in publications including Newsday, CBS New York, AOL Patch and SiriusXM Mad Dog Radio. He once forgot to wear his underwear to school in 4th grade, and his mom came and brought them for him in a manila envelope. His teacher opened it in front of the class.

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