Guy Only Uses His Friends' Suggestions On A Date And It Goes Horribly Wrong

First dates are like street food. Sometimes they can be amazing, but usually they make you feel terrible and go home early to Poopmaggeddon. OK, that metaphor wasn't my best. To be honest, I just wanted an excuse to write "Poopmaggedon." So, you know, mission accomplished.

One Imgur user posted an exchange he had with his group chat, chronicling the worst first date since Eva and Adolf.

The second they sat down, the woman apparently began texting -- which is rude when you're with a friend and sadistic when you're on a first date, considering first dates by definition are battlefields of awkwardness and humiliation.

Apparently, she did not think this guy's face was as good as hers (true love is often fickle in this way).

So, to regain some dignity, our protagonist started texting, too. He reached out to his friends, and they started daring him to bomb the date on purpose and document it all with video evidence.

And this maniac just went ahead and did.

I just want you all, for a moment, to picture what this date must have looked like from the next table.

You are with your significant other and next to you, two people who clearly don't know each other are just texting in silence for an hour, punctuated by the guy occasionally asking the woman if she eats her own toenails. I, of course, don't need to imagine this because this is how my parents spent each and every cheerful meal.

He informed his group chat of the upcoming date. (Oh, "worldie" means hot in British nonsense talk.)

Unfortunately, the date immediately Hindenburged when she started texting during the meal. (Maybe our protagonist is not a worldie?)

His friends gave him some suggestions to get her attention away from her phone. One suggested ruffling her hair...

...and he actually did it. I guess it's very easy to sneak up on a person's hair if said person is staring down at a phone the whole time.

She then left to go text in the bathroom, probably.

One of his friends gave him his next dare...

...which, because he had a death wish, he also actually did.

Somehow, she still hadn't left at this point, so his friends kept daring him.

Also, I just noticed the name of this group chat. Nerds.

He wanted to leave, but his friends begged him to do one more.

His friend suggested...the triple axle.

And then, that was that. After all, all things — from the hummingbird to the mountain top — must eventually come to an end.

Citations: 'This is going down faster than the Titanic': Man winds up his disastrous date after being egged on by his friends over text to perform a series of dares - and posts the entire exchange online (Daily Mail)