10 Lazy Girl Hacks That Will Make It Seem Like You Have Your Sh*t Together
People think I'm a fancy girl. Just the other day, I was at a mixer, and a guy approached me and offered to buy me a drink. Flattered, I said I'd take a glass of Cabernet.
He said, “Of course you'd like wine. You're wearing a dress.”
Maybe I missed that day of social stigma class, but I had no idea being sans pants was a prerequisite for enjoying wine. As I pondered over that comment, I began thinking of all the times – over the years – when people had wrongly assumed I'm a snobby lady.
A few years ago, I wanted to go as Blair Waldorf to a costume party. No one got it because apparently wearing a dress – with a glass of wine in hand – is what I always look like. This automatically (wrongly) makes me part of the 1 percent.
The truth is, I'm not a fancy girl at all. People just misconstrue my laziness, and therefore think I'm being fancy. I'm here to spread awareness, speak the truth and help other fellow lazy people who also struggle with being misconceived as high-maintenance.
(I'm looking at you, Matt Bellassai). Here's a list of reasons why people think I'm fancy (when I'm really not):
1. Drinking Wine
I spend less than $10 on a bottle. I'm not expected to share, and I don't need ice, stirrers or any other fancy contraptions to enjoy an adult beverage.
Fancy or lazy?
2. Wearing Dresses
I don't have to match two separate pieces or be forced to put on leg prisons (er, I mean pants). Do you think I have time in the mornings to lay out an outfit? Or is it faster to have a closet full of dresses, so I can just throw one on and go?
Fancy or lazy?
3. Having Amazon Prime
Sure, there's an associated fee. But I can get everything I want (including deodorant) without ever having to go out in public. Not to mention, I can drink the aforementioned wine. I don't even have to wear a bra while doing it.
Fancy or lazy?
4. Having A Car Navigation System
Do you really think I have the time to stop and ask for directions? That's 30 extra minutes I could have been drinking wine.
Fancy or lazy?
5. Having A Smartphone
I don't have the time, energy or funds to train and hire a personal assistant, so Siri is the closest thing to one. I just love the fact that she gives me reminders and automatically syncs everything I'll ever get.
Fancy or lazy?
6. Having An Electronic Toothbrush
Electronic toothbrushes keep your teeth feeling amazingly clean, and they prevent cavities. Let's face it: If I'm forced to make additional appointments after my regular checkup, I'm not going to go. I'm not game for the shots (not the fun kind) and time that they require.
Fancy or lazy?
7. Loving Brunch
I only have to cook or eat out for one meal instead of two.
Fancy or lazy?
8. Going To Symphonies
I can actually sit down at these concerts. I'm not fighting anyone off. Plus, I don't have any lyrics to memorize.
Fancy or lazy?
9. Having A Designer Dog
I don't have to spend hours using a lint roller or vacuuming her fur because she doesn't shed.
Fancy or lazy?
10. Having Advanced Degrees
These help me get to the top faster. I can tell other people what to do. Then, I can sit back and relax.
Fancy or lazy?
All this time, people have been perceiving me as some high-maintenance bitch. In reality, I just enjoy these things due to their convenience, however luxurious or fancy they may seem.
Now, I'm going to go enjoy a glass of vino and be completely slothful, all while keeping up the appearance of living a fabulous lifestyle. Stay strong, fellow fanc-lazians: I know your real struggles. You're not alone.
