The List For Hipster Baby Names Is Out And It’s As Bad As You Imagined
Disclaimer: No offense was intended in the making of this post.
Are you a hipster? Do you want your baby to be a hipster? Do you dream of a life filled with babies in overalls and beanies smoking hand-rolleds and pooing in organic diapers?
Well, Fit Pregnancy has come out with the list of hispter baby names that are guaranteed to make your kid stand out as the ultimate douchebag.
Or, as they put it:
If you are looking for a baby name that is a little out of the ordinary and defies conformity, then we have a great selection of baby names for you.
That’s right, guys, they’ve got everything from Brooklyn to Milo to Pandora.
They’ve given you the best list of the edgiest names and there’s no possible way your child will grow up without a chip on his shoulder and affinity for Wes Anderson films.
If you ask me, giving out hipster baby names defeats the entire philosophy of the “hipster.” Because a true hipster would come up with a name of his own.
Do you mean Aiden? The question your son will get for the rest of his life.
He’s the highest ranked douche you know.
You mean echo? Because that’s cooler.
If he’s short, you may as well just kill him now.
What are his friends going to call him? Igna? Think about it…
Yep, your son should definitely try and live up to that one…
It’s like vintage, right?
Like De Niro? But edgier…
More like organ boy, Orpheus and orgy lover.
Maybe he could pull it off if he looks European… and plays soccer.
Why don’t you just name him Holden? Or Caulfield? That’s even edgier.
Like that One Direction girl? That’s original.
Her destiny will be prostitution in a coal-mining country where everyone has a lisp.
She did have a pretty good sex tape…
Once again: Vintage, right?
You can’t just put vowels wherever you goddamn please. It’s not right.
It’s not original. Minnie Mouse and Minnie Driver both had it first.
By her 16th birthday, you can bet she’ll be OD-ing on something…
You can name your son Spotify. No, Shazam!
To match my hipster brother, Roman. Except I’m a girl, so I’m romier.
Suzanne is so 2011…
Dog names always make a comeback.
This will be her whole life: “Not when! Wren!”
Only because Lola is now the name of one too many strippers.