The List For Hipster Baby Names Is Out And It’s As Bad As You Imagined

The List For Hipster Baby Names Is Out And It’s As Bad As You Imagined
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Disclaimer: No offense was intended in the making of this post.

Are you a hipster? Do you want your baby to be a hipster? Do you dream of a life filled with babies in overalls and beanies smoking hand-rolleds and pooing in organic diapers?

Well, Fit Pregnancy has come out with the list of hispter baby names that are guaranteed to make your kid stand out as the ultimate douchebag.

Or, as they put it:

If you are looking for a baby name that is a little out of the ordinary and defies conformity, then we have a great selection of baby names for you.

That’s right, guys, they’ve got everything from Brooklyn to Milo to Pandora.

They’ve given you the best list of the edgiest names and there’s no possible way your child will grow up without a chip on his shoulder and affinity for Wes Anderson films.

If you ask me, giving out hipster baby names defeats the entire philosophy of the “hipster.” Because a true hipster would come up with a name of his own.

Boys:

Auden

Do you mean Aiden? The question your son will get for the rest of his life.


Byron

He’s the highest ranked douche you know.


Enoch

You mean echo? Because that’s cooler.


Gulliver

If he’s short, you may as well just kill him now.


Ignatius

What are his friends going to call him? Igna? Think about it…


Lennon

Yep, your son should definitely try and live up to that one…


Murray

It’s like vintage, right?


Nico

Like De Niro? But edgier…


Orson

More like organ boy, Orpheus and orgy lover.


Roman

Maybe he could pull it off if he looks European… and plays soccer.


Salinger

Why don’t you just name him Holden? Or Caulfield? That’s even edgier. 


Zane

Like that One Direction girl? That’s original.


Girls:

Briseida

Her destiny will be prostitution in a coal-mining country where everyone has a lisp.


Farrah

She did have a pretty good sex tape…


Inez

Once again: Vintage, right?


Liora

You can’t just put vowels wherever you goddamn please. It’s not right.


Minnie

It’s not original. Minnie Mouse and Minnie Driver both had it first.


Odette

By her 16th birthday, you can bet she’ll be OD-ing on something…


Pandora

You can name your son Spotify. No, Shazam!


Romy

To match my hipster brother, Roman. Except I’m a girl, so I’m romier.


Suzette

Suzanne is so 2011…


Tessie

Dog names always make a comeback.


Wren

This will be her whole life: “Not when! Wren!”


Zola

Only because Lola is now the name of one too many strippers.

via Fit Pregnancy, Photo Courtesy: Tumblr

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Lauren Martin

Lauren “LMoney” Martin grew up with one goal: to be the first woman engineer. Upon finding out there already were women engineers, and unable to pass Calc 1, she chose to study the beautiful and honorable art of advertising. After advertising proved uninspiring, she attempted a career in acting which was over before she could get on stage. And when she failed at everything else she decided to become a comedy writer.

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