Mother Leaves Embarrassing Note To Son About ‘Spanking His Monkey’ With Her Moisturizer

Mother Leaves Embarrassing Note To Son About ‘Spanking His Monkey’ With Her Moisturizer
Humor
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Note to all the young masturbators of the world: if you need some lubricant when you rub it out, don’t use your mother’s lotion!

We’ve shown you a mother’s note to her son to “stop masturbating on the towels,” as well as another mother’s hilarious review of Kleenex tissues, and now we give you yet another mother’s epic rant about her son’s use of her moisturizer during what she refers to as “bash the bishop” time.

Enjoy:

masturbate-note-elite-daily

Big brother to the rescue!

Now, it’s definitely debatable whether or not this note is for real. Would a mother really refer to masturbating as “bashing the bishop” and “spanking the monkey,” especially in a note? Not my Mom, that’s for sure! (Though she’d definitely say something corny to try and be funny).

Either way, happy pud wrestling!

H/T: Reddit

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Tyler Gildin

Tyler Gildin is an NYC-based Stand Up Comedian and the Creative Director at Elite Daily. He is a Television Radio Film graduate from Syracuse University and performs at clubs and colleges all over the country. He’s been written up and interviewed in publications including Newsday, CBS New York, AOL Patch and SiriusXM Mad Dog Radio. He once forgot to wear his underwear to school in 4th grade, and his mom came and brought them for him in a manila envelope. His teacher opened it in front of the class.

More In Humor

Humor Connor Toole

Guys Act Out The Best Convo Between Middle-Aged Sisters Yet (Video)

I assume that since you clicked on this, you’re familiar with past installments of the Sisters series, in which two guys lip sync conversations between two 60-year-old women. If you weren’t familiar, now you are. Welcome. In the past, the videos have been pretty straightforward: The Kloons set up a microphone for a little while, […]

Humor Connor Toole

16 Of The Most Elaborate Pick-Up Lines Ever Used On Tinder (Photos)

I’ve talked a lot about the importance of coming up with an intriguing opening line after getting a match on Tinder, and people have developed a number of strategies and approaches that can be employed to boost your conversion rate. Some people ask a question that’s just interesting enough to warrant a response — something […]

Also On Elite

Politics

The Short And Long Reasons Why Millennials Hate Politics

It’s no secret that Millennials appear disinterested in politics today, especially in the United States. In fact, a recent Pew study concluded that Millennials aren’t fans of political parties, with half of Millennials describing themselves as politically independent. Here’s why: Long Version Politics has become an old boys’ club and there isn’t much room for younger generations […]

TV

Google Hilariously Answers Stephen Colbert’s Complaint About His Height

Stephen Colbert recently made a point of calling out Google for listing him at 5’10″, when he is, in fact, 5’11”. Colbert came at Google’s CEO, Larry Page, and demanded an investigation into the matter. Google responded in the most awesome way possible. When you search, “how tall is Stephen Colbert,” Google responds by splitting […]

Life

14 Snapchats That Perfectly Describe How Terrible Mondays Are

Mondays are universally the most detested day of the entire week. If you really think about it though, Tuesdays are much, much worse. But it seems Mondays are the days everyone chooses to complain about — and with good reason. The weekend is over and another cycle of office life has begun yet again. You […]