Woman Responds To Neighbor’s Complaint Of Loud Sex With Most Epic Note Ever

Woman Responds To Neighbor’s Complaint Of Loud Sex With Most Epic Note Ever
Humor
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How do you tell your neighbor to be quieter during sex? Write a note and tape it up on their front door, obviously!

Well, that’s exactly what one neighbor decided to do when she wanted to vent about the thrusts and moans coming from next door. Rather than just taking the note down and f*cking in a quieter fashion, this one neighbor decided to respond with a note of her own.

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The first note reads:

“Can you please put a record on super loud or something when you are fucking?? I’d really appreciate not having to hear ever single thrust and moan right through the fucking wall. And I’m SURE you’d rather not share that INFO with complete strangers. Luckily for me… it never lasts very long. “

Review: This guy is kind of a prick. While he has the right not to have to go to sleep every night feeling like he’s next door to a cheap porno, there’s a nicer way to go about getting the issue resolved. Then again, people should learn how to have sex more considerately. I’m not saying they need to gag themselves (though it could be hot), but they don’t need to scream and shout with every thrust and moan. The fact that this guy suggested they “put a record on super loud” suggests that he’s actually super old and super corny. Record? Really? Instead of leaving a note on their wall, why don’t you send them a telegram while you’re at it.

The response note reads:

“Dear Neighbor. My, my how lovely to meet you in this incredibly tactful, kind, and civilized manner. Do your really need to post your hissyfit on my door like a whiney scarlet letter? Your obvious frustration with my pleasure saddens and confuses me. I’m not yelling or anything terribly disrespectful. Apparently we have the thinnest walls on Earth, because I assure you, the moans you’re so upset by are masturbation induced.

That’s why it doesn’t last very long. I know what I’m doing, porn is free, and I have the best vibrator! I got it at Taboo Taboo down the street. You should really invest in one- you sound a but uh, tense….

SEX IS NATURAL & HEALTHY

I am proud of my sexuality, so your attempted SLUT SHAMING is useless here. Had you approached me in a respectful manner, I would’ve been happy to oblige. But we all know our rest is exorbitant. I pay enough to do whatever I please in the privacy of my own home. AND PLEASE I SHALL! I suggest you whip out your big girl panties and deal with it. Much Love – The Girl in 517″

Review: Wow, how badly do you want to meet the girl in 517? What’s the rest of the address?? Tell us, please! I have to say, this vibrator using, swift talking, proud woman neighbor won the battle on this one. But I do have to wonder: how loudly is she moaning from her vibrator? There’s no way during some of these loud sessions she doesn’t have a man in there with her, too.

Either way, Girl in 517: 1; Nosy complaining neighbor: 0.

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H/T: Reddit

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Tyler Gildin

Tyler Gildin is an NYC-based Stand Up Comedian and the Creative Director at Elite Daily. He is a Television Radio Film graduate from Syracuse University and performs at clubs and colleges all over the country. He’s been written up and interviewed in publications including Newsday, CBS New York, AOL Patch and SiriusXM Mad Dog Radio. He once forgot to wear his underwear to school in 4th grade, and his mom came and brought them for him in a manila envelope. His teacher opened it in front of the class.

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