Mother's Day is a time for us to give thanks to the women who, among other things, squeezed us into the world through places that will never be the same again.

That's why your mom deserves a nice Mother's Day. Don't screen her calls so you can watch yet another compilation of drunken street knockouts. Show her the respect and love she deserves.

After all, you're going to have to make up for what we did.

We decided it'd be a good idea if we got a bunch of people to call their moms and claim their lives were ruined due to unplanned pregnancies or felony charges.

Yes, we are terrible, cruel creatures. So call your mom and tell her you love her for us.

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