The Profile Of A Bitch

The Profile Of A Bitch
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We’ve all met bitches. Some people think that they know the difference between a girl that throws an occasional Bitch Fit (thanks White Chicks, a.k.a. the Wayans Brothers) and an actual bitch. It’s good to be able to differentiate between the two. because you don’t want to be stuck with a bitchy friend if you can’t appreciate some of the positive aspects of her bitchiness.

Most people think they know a bitch when they see one. You probably think it’s the gorgeous girl that looks like she has it all and thinks highly of herself for being so perfect. That’s not being a bitch, that’s being confident — or possibly conceited. Don’t assume she’s a bitch because she was genetically blessed.

That beautiful girl is actually very likely to be nice and sweet, because what reason does she have to be a bitch? Anyone that attractive is probably happy with their lives because 1) they’re hot 2) people want to be around their beauty 3) their beauty probably gets them free shit. Being that happy usually results in someone wanting to spread her happiness and who has the confidence to not have to tear someone else down.

Want to know the real bitches? Look at that beautiful girl’s friend. The one that is still pretty, but nowhere near the level of attraction of her BFF. That lesser version is the bitter girl, the one that knows she’s attractive but can never get any of the same type of attention as her friend.

She’s the one that has to compensate for not being the apple of every man’s eye by being a bitch. Being a bitch is her excuse for people not liking her as much as the beautiful friend. She even thinks that people will take her bitchiness as confidence or even being funny under the right circumstances. It can be a little funny, but in reality no one actually likes a bitch, especially when it’s out of bitterness.

You’re probably thinking: well what about the ugly friends of the beautiful girl? Those girls, the ones that rank at the bottom of the 10 scale, are usually incredibly kind, even more so than the beautiful girl. Those girls have accepted their fates. Those girls know that they don’t have much else going for them if they don’t have good personalities, so they try their best to be nice to everyone. These girls are stereotypically intelligent and funny too.

This all is not always true, of course. We’ve all seen “Mean Girls,” and the most beautiful girl, Regina George, was the biggest bitch of them all. But that’s a movie. If a gorgeous girl is a bitch, it’s usually because she’s a brat, or she’s dumb as shit and her insecurity overpowers her capabilities of being nice.

This all may sound superficial, but we live in a society that currently cares most about appearances, so you might as well use this how-to article to spot people that you should stay away from or gravitate to. And if you’re reading this article and thinking that I’m wrong and it’s usually the most attractive girls that are bitches, it’s probably because you’re that lesser friend, the bitter bitch.

There are some redeeming qualities of bitches. If you do choose to befriend a bitch, these are some of the perks:

1)     She’ll get shit done

2)     People won’t fuck with you in fear of her wrath

3)     You will seem exponentially nicer in comparison

Being the friend of a bitch can be great. If you’re on her good side, she’ll almost always have your back and fight any battles you don’t feel like getting into. I know a girl that can tear someone a new asshole with her words. She’s cutthroat and once people see that she’s in an argument, they’ll forfeit their claims.

Or if you’re observing her in an argument, it can be hilarious as long as you keep a safe 10-foot distance. She’s also one of the most entertaining people to be around because she doesn’t give a fuck and has accepted her role as the bitch. She isn’t always likeable, but she has her moments.

So if you find yourself in the situation of meeting a bitch, proceed with caution. You may choose to befriend her, or just be congenial and then go your separate ways. Never, EVER, do anything to piss her off. Even if it’s your first time meeting, you don’t want her to remember you as someone she hates, because she will never let you forget it.

If you’re a bitch, then accept it. Embrace this aspect of you that is likely to never change unless you become miraculously happy with yourself and your life and if you see the error in being mean.

In order to change, you’d have to be able to recognize when your cruelty is completely unnecessary: if you’ve been a bitch your whole life, how will you learn the difference? So use your bitchiness to an advantage and show people that you have all the positive attributes of a bitch.

Samantha | Elite.

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Evelyn Pelczar

Evelyn Pelczar is lucky to have all her exes live in Texas so she can spend more time leaving her signature hot pink lipstick stains on the Lavo brunch champagne flutes. Taking on NYC in her 6-inch heels while praying she doesn't get caught in the cobble stones or hit by a taxi, Evelyn enjoys interviewing and finding out the story behind peoples successes while trying to create her own.

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