True Or False: George Zimmerman Won The Florida State Lottery

Humor
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

People are up in arms today, and for good reason. It has been reported that George Zimmerman won the $37 Million Florida State Lottery Jackpot last night.

“I just figured why not, you know?” said Zimmerman. “I think I’ll probably use the money to buy a bigger house and a new car, and I’ll invest the rest. This is just fantastic. Life is good.”

It’s amazing how many people are already posting this story on Facebook. I haven’t seen statuses this outraged since Saturday night (when he was found not guilty). Fortunately, this story is so incredibly false! People really are freakin idiots!

1) If you ever, ever, ever, ever (sound a bit like a Taylor Swift song, huh?), ever quote The Onion as a news source, you don’t deserve to work in media, let alone to be a human being. How could any site have actually picked this story up?

2) Let’s say you didn’t even know it was from The Onion, but just heard the sentence “George Zimmerman won the lottery” and actually believed it, you’re an even bigger idiot. Yes, he somehow, amazingly was ruled not-guilty and won the lottery in the same week! Disney is making a f*cking movie on his magical story, called “Miracle 2.”

zimmerman

Don’t worry, America. Though some still think George Zimmerman may have been guilty, he certainly isn’t a lottery winner.

Check out yesterday’s True or False: “Harry Potter” Writer J.K. Rowling Has Recorded Two Dubstep Albums.

Share Tweet
React

Tyler Gildin

Tyler Gildin is an NYC-based Stand Up Comedian and the Creative Director at Elite Daily. He is a Television Radio Film graduate from Syracuse University and performs at clubs and colleges all over the country. He’s been written up and interviewed in publications including Newsday, CBS New York, AOL Patch and SiriusXM Mad Dog Radio. He once forgot to wear his underwear to school in 4th grade, and his mom came and brought them for him in a manila envelope. His teacher opened it in front of the class.

More In Humor

Humor Connor Toole

You’re Kind Of A Bad Person For Wanting A Purebred Dog (Video)

Unless you’re one of those broken people who prefers cats over dogs, you likely have your own personal definition of the perfect canine. For example, my goal is to one day buy a corgi named Special Agent Fox Mulder (“Fox” for short). I’ve already planned out the wacky misadventures that we’re going to have, and […]

LOL Lists Connor Toole

We Had No Idea: 8 Songs We Shouldn’t Have Sung Along To As Kids

Music has always been filled with double entendres and innuendos, but that doesn’t mean that every single listener is going to understand what’s going on. This is especially true of young children who have a reputation for latching onto catchy tunes even if they don’t know what half the words are. This can unfortunately create […]

Also On Elite

Envision

Guy Uses Food And Other Objects To Dress Up As The World’s Top Pop Stars (Photos)

A dude recreated famous photos of some of our favorite female celebrities, including Demi Lovato, Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez, and the results are hilarious. On his Instagram, user liamspersonal posted pictures of himself posing as these lovely ladies. He uses a bag of Ramen noodles to mimic Taylor Swift’s crazy, curly hair, and two waffles […]

World

This German Grocery Store May Have The Answers To Making The World A Better Place

In Berlin, Germany, Original Unverpackt is a concept store that aims to help the environment. Founders Milena Glimbovsk and Sara Wolf want to sell food without selling waste, so the grocery store won’t sell its food packaged in any disposable bags, jars, boxes or other containers. Instead, customers will purchase items with their own containers or bags […]

World

Scientists Have Found A Way To Turn Your Consciousness Off And On, Deep In The Brain

Scientists from George Washington University have discovered the on/off switch in our brain that allows us to go from conscious to unconscious, or a state of open-eyed sleep where our senses are rendered useless. According to New Scientist, the researchers were using electrodes to monitor an epileptic woman’s brain signals in order to find which […]

Women

#TBT: What Every Basic Girl Loved Most About Limited Too

In late 1990s and early 2000s, Limited Too was a Gen-Y girl’s Mecca. This is where you could find, literally, everything and anything that you could ever desire. Did you want a clear backpack in the shape of a sunflower? Well, they had that. Did you want lipgloss with tiny sequined stars in it? They […]

World

This Adorable 4-Year-Old Girl Wants To Be Your Flower Girl (Photo)

Annabelle Earl is an adorable 4-year-old New Yorker who wants to be your flower girl. Annabelle discovered the joys of wedding parties from her babysitter’s daughter, and she wanted in on the action. So, she carried a dozen roses and wore a floral dress and white lace gloves to the City Clerk’s office where each […]