True Or False: George Zimmerman Won The Florida State Lottery

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People are up in arms today, and for good reason. It has been reported that George Zimmerman won the $37 Million Florida State Lottery Jackpot last night.

“I just figured why not, you know?” said Zimmerman. “I think I’ll probably use the money to buy a bigger house and a new car, and I’ll invest the rest. This is just fantastic. Life is good.”

It’s amazing how many people are already posting this story on Facebook. I haven’t seen statuses this outraged since Saturday night (when he was found not guilty). Fortunately, this story is so incredibly false! People really are freakin idiots!

1) If you ever, ever, ever, ever (sound a bit like a Taylor Swift song, huh?), ever quote The Onion as a news source, you don’t deserve to work in media, let alone to be a human being. How could any site have actually picked this story up?

2) Let’s say you didn’t even know it was from The Onion, but just heard the sentence “George Zimmerman won the lottery” and actually believed it, you’re an even bigger idiot. Yes, he somehow, amazingly was ruled not-guilty and won the lottery in the same week! Disney is making a f*cking movie on his magical story, called “Miracle 2.”

Don’t worry, America. Though some still think George Zimmerman may have been guilty, he certainly isn’t a lottery winner.

Check out yesterday’s True or False: “Harry Potter” Writer J.K. Rowling Has Recorded Two Dubstep Albums.

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Tyler Gildin

Tyler Gildin is an NYC-based Stand Up Comedian and the Creative Director at Elite Daily. He is a Television Radio Film graduate from Syracuse University and performs at clubs and colleges all over the country. He’s been written up and interviewed in publications including Newsday, CBS New York, AOL Patch and SiriusXM Mad Dog Radio. He once forgot to wear his underwear to school in 4th grade, and his mom came and brought them for him in a manila envelope. His teacher opened it in front of the class.

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