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Waiting For Trump's Impeachment Feels Like Waiting For A Text Back That Never Comes

There's been a lot of reporting this week about Trump sharing classified information with Russia, and about him allegedly asking former FBI Director James Comey to call off the investigation regarding collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia.

People are starting to talk about it being an impeachable offense.

…And what I've learned from all of this is that I, like many, have lost any ability to manage my expectations when it comes to establishment politics in Washington DC.

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I'm not a Pollyanna; anybody who's read my articles knows that. I usually expect the absolute worst out of people.

But waiting for Trump to get caught (and to suffer consequences) has been like waiting for the most important text of my life and getting nothing.

Here are my stages of my outrage, from the beginning of Trump's candidacy until now, as compared to waiting for a text from a crush:

Excitement

Remember in his first speech when Trump made outrageously racist comments about Mexican people as a whole, saying “they're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists.”

I was genuinely excited to see the response that would get from whoever is in charge. I got excited at the prospect of them shutting down his candidacy immediately on that first day that he announced it.

Much like that moment just after sending off a text, I took a deep breath and thought to myself, “Well, this will be a crazy emotional rollercoaster, an epic back-and-forth, a battle of wits for the history books.”


Anticipation

OK, so he wasn't shut down on the first day of his candidacy, and he wasn't shut down after after blaming 9/11 on the Bush administration, but after saying textbook racist comments about a Hispanic judge being unable to do his job because of his race, any minute now….

We'll definitely be hearing back from someone in Washington about this.

Someone's gonna get back to the american people about this soon. Then we'll all live happily ever after.


Doubt/Concern

Oh, OK, so nothing happened after he called Mexican immigrants rapists, then nothing happened when he said US District Judge Gonzalo Curiel might be biased against him because of Curiel's Mexican heritage, and nothing on the whole sexually assaulting women and showing no remorse thing?

Could it be… possible… that we aren't going to be hearing back from anyone in power in Washington? …ANYONE?

Again, I'm waiting, staring at my phone screen like, “Why is no one chiming in on this? I'm just really confused. They could've said something by now. Are they even reading their notifications?”

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Denial

Maybe all of their phones are dead. Maybe every single Republican and Democratic phone is dead in Washington and the entire FBI is on vacation. Hey, sometimes people just need to get away from all the chaos. Mercury is in retrograde.

Or maybe everyone in Congress just like has a lot going on in their personal lives and they don't have time to deal with this right now. We just need to keep a level head and let this play out.

Don't do anything rash. It's all gonna be fine. I'm fine.


Regret

I'm shutting off my phone. I regret ever even sending those tweets directly to every member of the House and Senate asking if they got my postcards after the Women's March. I mean, postcards? Is this 1935? Did I honestly think that would work?

I consider burning my SIM card and handing my phone over to my therapist forever. I should never have paid attention to any of this in the first place. This is not good for me. I have enough going on in my own life, I don't need to be obsessing about this. Why did I ever even watch the debates? Do I hate myself?


Full Blown Rage

F*CK ALL OF THESE PEOPLE. They don't even care! Nobody in Washington cares about any of us! If they did, they totally would've gotten back to us by now.

I mean I KNOW FOR A FACT John McCain is checking his phone because he was tweeting about Trump and Russia last night, so why doesn't he do something? We're literally showing up in droves to protest this lack of effective communication at TOWN HALL meetings.

Why will NO ONE get back to us??? It's insane.

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Moving On

I'm unplugging every TV in my house and throwing my phone out the window. I'm unfollowing everyone except Obama. I'm giving up.

Then, just as you take your TV out to the curb, you nearly trip over this morning's New York Times. It reads, “Comey Memo Says Trump Asked Him to End Flynn Investigation,” and you feel like you're finally seeing those thought bubbles pop up after waiting so patiently, for so long.

You pat yourself on the back for keeping the faith, and walk back inside to plug in your TV… with a shred of hope in your heart that whispers, “impeachment,” you start this entire cycle over again.

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Rosebud Baker

Editor

Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.
Rosebud Baker is a standup comic and writer in NYC. Follow her on Twitter, where she desperately seeks the approval of strangers, but will settle for just attention.

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