It’s Complicated: What Your Facebook Relationship Status Says About You

It’s Complicated: What Your Facebook Relationship Status Says About You
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What an interesting topic: the Facebook relationship status. Something that seems so meaningless, has such major implications of people’s relationships. The amount of couples who have broken up due to one person changing or refusing to change “their status” is probably a ridiculously wild number you wouldn’t believe.

But what does each status mean? What are people really trying to say when they strategically choose their Facebook statuses? You know, you don’t have to choose a status. You can leave it blank if you’d like. Let’s take a look at the internal reasoning behind each relationship status that people choose.

Here’s my interpretation of what each Facebook relationship status says about a person.

“Single”

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If you’ve actually gone out of your way to make it clear that you are “single” on your Facebook, then there’s a good chance you’re just straight up thirsty. You could have left it blank and let people infer for themselves whether or not you were single, but you wanted to make it clear. This is also the status that many people put up directly after they break up with someone.

It’s their way of putting the “For Sale” sign on their page or simply saying “f*ck you” to the person they just broke up with. Is there anything funnier than when someone’s status goes from “In a relationship” to “Single” and people “like” it! Pure hilarity! If you really are single and want people to know that, then that’s fine, make “Single” your status. But there’s a good chance we probably would have already figured that out from looking at your lonely pictures.


“It’s Complicated”

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Really? Is it? The only thing complicated right now is figuring out why we are even friends on Facebook (let alone in life) in the first place. Who would ever mark this as their status? What happened? You and your girlfriend got in a fight so you went to the bathroom and changed your status to “it’s complicated”?

What, do you think your Facebook page is a news source that we are all following in real time, and need to know these up-to-the-minute changes? Unless you have “it’s complicated” as a joke, this should NEVER be your relationship status. If my girlfriend ever did that to me, I’d make it very simple for her: you’re single.


“In a Relationship”

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Hooray for you! We’re so happy!! To be fair, it is completely fine for some people in a happy and healthy relationship to have their status say “in a relationship” with whomever, but for the most part, it’s really just the insecure couples that do this. I’ve had a girlfriend for two years and I haven’t found it necessary to change my status. What do I care? I’m not trying to put a message on my girlfriend’s wall that says “TAKEN.”

The amount of pictures we have should speak for itself. But with my college girlfriend, you bet I made her put that as her status! Why? Because I was insecure back then. “In a relationship” is an insecure status that mature couples shouldn’t actually need to post as their status. If your significant other is pressuring you to make this your status, he/she clearly doesn’t trust you, and it’s an unhealthy relationship.


“Engaged”

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I guess this one is kind of sweet to have. But at the same time, we probably could already tell by the hundreds of pictures you posted holding up the damn ring. Or the video your fiancé uploaded of him proposing to you in front of the entire baseball stadium. The couple who does this is a bit showy.

They really should be focusing on their impending wedding and whether or not they have just made the worst decision of their lives. Nonetheless– I think this is acceptable (pending the second you get the ring you don’t quickly log on to change your status. That’s just sad.).


“Married”

married-status-elite-daily

Now if you are actually married, I understand at this point in time having “married” on Facebook. Facebook has become so goddamn mainstream that I think it’s completely acceptable for a married couple to have their pages linked. What amuses me, though, is the young couples who put “married” as their status when they are just dating.

What these couples are doing is trying to make it seem like Facebook statuses are a joke, when in fact they take them the most seriously. This is the couple who is insecure, so they want their significant other’s Facebook page to say they’re in a relationship, but also too insecure to have it actually say “In a relationship.” By going with “married,” it seems like they are just kidding around about the whole thing. “We’re not insecure, we’re just messing around!” When in fact, this is the couple who is overall the most insecure about themselves and their relationship among their peers.


“In a Domestic Partnership”

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Here’s another interesting one. Now if you are actually in a domestic partnership, it is definitely cool and a great way of expressing yourself and your sexuality by having this as your status. But, when you are just two young, bratty girls who think it’s cute that you and your BFF have this as your status: it’s not. Why do some girls love to do this?! They also do it with “in a relationship” or “married” as well.

You’ll never see two bros putting up a status like that because it’s just unnecessary and weird. I think girls do it as a way of saying “I don’t need a boyfriend!” When really, it’s a cry for more attention. These are the girls who want a guy the most, but don’t want to put “single” on their status in fear of looking too thirsty. By putting another girl in their relationship status, it’s their way of saying, “I’m available” without having to actually look desperate. What’s ironic about it, though, is that they look wind up looking even more desperate.


“Divorced” / “Separated”

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I have yet to see this as someone’s actual status, but if I ever do, boy will I have a huge laugh! Way too much information for the average person there, buddy. If you are over your 40s and just put up “Single” as your status, we can probably put one and two together.

Moral of the story, there are hundreds of dating sites out there for you to express your relationship status, just leave your Facebook one blank.

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Tyler Gildin

Tyler Gildin is an NYC-based Stand Up Comedian and the Creative Director at Elite Daily. He is a Television Radio Film graduate from Syracuse University and performs at clubs and colleges all over the country. He’s been written up and interviewed in publications including Newsday, CBS New York, AOL Patch and SiriusXM Mad Dog Radio. He once forgot to wear his underwear to school in 4th grade, and his mom came and brought them for him in a manila envelope. His teacher opened it in front of the class.

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