The 10 Most Important Lessons 2012 Has Taught Us

The 10 Most Important Lessons 2012 Has Taught Us
Wellness

It is safe to say that 2012 was one hell of a year. It had the excitement, drama, disasters, and high low points that Hollywood is going to eat up for years to come. Its not every year you get a year as interesting as this one.

From a presidential election, to cheating scandals, to some of the dumbest things we have ever witnessed, making us say “what the hell were they possibly thinking?” It’s been an exciting one folks- now it is time to revisit all the lessons this year has brought us and hope that next year will be just as entertaining.

10. Strip Billiards is the new wave (October 12th, 2012)

On this very day we have learned a valuable lesson and were introduced to an innovation not many have known of before. Prince Harry has shown the world not only his fire crotch and his extremely pale white ass, but also the concept of an innovative game that is strip billiards- first making an appearance in Las Vegas with a group of bachelorette party girls.

It’s so genius that it makes us wonder why the hell we didn’t think of it first. It is the easiest way to get drunk girls naked- because bitches love games and bachelorette girls are all looking to do something crazy in order to have a story to tell to their plebeian friends when the clock strikes midnight on their 3-day, fairy-tale, slut adventure.

9. Do not fuck with Mother Nature (October 29th, 2012)

We all thought we were so invincible and that nothing could ever touch us. Well, we all realized that Mother Nature is a much stronger force than we originally thought. Mother Nature is who threw Hurricane Sandy our way- the largest hurricane to ever hit the US, pound the east coast, and completely destroy it.

We witnessed New Jersey get demolished and New York get flooded to levels we never imagined possible. Downtown NY was on some ‘I Am Legend’ shit for an entire week after the fact. Next time let’s take these evacuation warnings more serious.

8. Everyone is a politician for one month every 4 years (October-November 4th, 2012)

During the presidential election it seems as if every form of social media decided to turn into C-Span. All of a sudden even the lowlife drug addicts would be debating on which candidate they believed would make a good president (because their opinion matters) and it segregated our generation into two opposing sides: the ones that were voting for Romney, and the ones voting for Obama.

It was as if we were separated for a month arguing with each other over why we think the other side are idiots. Of course, after the election no one has uttered a word about politics. The next time we will see this is in four years! It’s like a solar eclipse- just more annoying.

7. Bath salts are a hell of a drug (2012)

You can’t think of 2012 without automatically thinking of bath salts. Leave it to white hicks that have nothing better to do than to buy bath salts and find a way to snort them or smoke them, turning them into zombies.

We witnessed faces being eaten, intestines being eaten, and a lot of crazed people. It is safe to say if Rick James was around he would ditch cocaine and move on over to bath salts.

6. Right now is the time to try to fuck your teacher (2012)

If you really think about it, all year round there have been countless stories of students between the ages of 14 and 17 that did the deed every kid dreamt of when they were in high school. Losing your virginity in high school to a teacher! Not only does it make it a lot easier on your grades, it’s fucking awesome.

Think about all the stories that make the news every single week about kids fucking their teachers and imagine how many are out there that managed not to get caught. Right now is the time to do it; we’re on the brink of a horny teacher epidemic.

5. Dreams really do come true (2012)

LeBron James finally won his first NBA title and Justin Bieber lost his virginity. 2012 was the year when dreams actually did come true. We witnessed great sports competitions during the Olympics and the most terrible rappers- such as Chief Keef and 2 Chainz- become famous due to their awfulness.

This was the year to really push your luck and take a look as to where it takes you. Sorry if you missed out.

4. You can be fat, Asian, hate Americans, and still be loved by Americans (November 2012)

One-hit wonders come and go every year but no one made such a strong run as PSY- all thanks to the infamous Gangnam Style song. What this brings to thought is that as long as you are fat, Asian and can dance like a fool you will be famous in America and get a billion views on YouTube.

For a man with absolutely no talent whatsoever, someone who has said he hates Americans and the Yankees openly, to become famous in America shows just how gullible this country really is.

3. Fist pump, press play and pretend like you don’t know English (2012)

If 2012 was a big year for anyone it was definitely a big year for EDM. America basically turned its back on every other genre of music and was completely obsessed with the feel good vibe that EDM provided. From vocals by X factor rejects on top of a beat to the most insane drops that these music festivals have ever heard, we witnessed a shift in the power of music.

The lesson we learned here is that right now is the time to fist pump, play a pre-recorded mix, grow your hair out, develop acne on your face, and pretend you are from Sweden- not knowing any English. This will make you a hit sensation in the States.

2. Don’t trust anyone with tits and emotions (2012)

If this year taught us anything, it is that women are becoming more like men in relationships- they cannot be trusted. This was the year to cheat if you were a woman. It is as if it almost became acceptable for all women to become whores. Just ask Rob Kardashian who got cheated on with 20 dudes that Rita Ora slept with while they were together.

Rihanna managed to sleep with every rapper that has tattoos- so basically all of them- and even caused the biggest club fight ever seen between the softest rappers to ever drop a poor rhyme. Kristen Stewart managed to fuck her director while her boyfriend was starring in the same movie. Hats off to you ladies.

1. Either Befriend or Fuck McLovin (Facebook IPO, 2012)

The most important thing to take from 2012 is the importance of having geeky friends. Sure, Amadeus may not look too cool in his suspenders and pocket protector now, but give him a few years to mature into the next Mark Zuckerberg and I promise you he’ll look a lot more appealing.

Befriend the geeks now- sleep with them if you have to; but make sure to keep them at arm’s length. When they become billionaires you’ll want to be invited to their parties.

Bonus: Don’t butt chug- it will kill you. This year we witnessed a frat experimenting with new ways to get drunk by butt chugging wine; it makes you get drunk faster. Not only does this sound ridiculous but it also took the life of a pledge.

Preston Waters | Elite. 

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Preston Waters

Preston Waters is a thinker. He's not your traditional philosophical persona, however, as he leaves no topic untouched. Covering all the bases, from business to women, Preston Waters is the ultimate man's man for Gen-Y.

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