It is safe to say that 2012 was one hell of a year. It had the excitement, drama, disasters, and high low points that Hollywood is going to eat up for years to come. Its not every year you get a year as interesting as this one.
From a presidential election, to cheating scandals, to some of the dumbest things we have ever witnessed, making us say “what the hell were they possibly thinking?” It’s been an exciting one folks- now it is time to revisit all the lessons this year has brought us and hope that next year will be just as entertaining.
10. Strip Billiards is the new wave (October 12th, 2012)
During the presidential election it seems as if every form of social media decided to turn into C-Span. All of a sudden even the lowlife drug addicts would be debating on which candidate they believed would make a good president (because their opinion matters) and it segregated our generation into two opposing sides: the ones that were voting for Romney, and the ones voting for Obama.
It was as if we were separated for a month arguing with each other over why we think the other side are idiots. Of course, after the election no one has uttered a word about politics. The next time we will see this is in four years! It’s like a solar eclipse- just more annoying.
7. Bath salts are a hell of a drug (2012)
If 2012 was a big year for anyone it was definitely a big year for EDM. America basically turned its back on every other genre of music and was completely obsessed with the feel good vibe that EDM provided. From vocals by X factor rejects on top of a beat to the most insane drops that these music festivals have ever heard, we witnessed a shift in the power of music.
The lesson we learned here is that right now is the time to fist pump, play a pre-recorded mix, grow your hair out, develop acne on your face, and pretend you are from Sweden- not knowing any English. This will make you a hit sensation in the States.
2. Don’t trust anyone with tits and emotions (2012)
If this year taught us anything, it is that women are becoming more like men in relationships- they cannot be trusted. This was the year to cheat if you were a woman. It is as if it almost became acceptable for all women to become whores. Just ask Rob Kardashian who got cheated on with 20 dudes that Rita Ora slept with while they were together.
Rihanna managed to sleep with every rapper that has tattoos- so basically all of them- and even caused the biggest club fight ever seen between the softest rappers to ever drop a poor rhyme. Kristen Stewart managed to fuck her director while her boyfriend was starring in the same movie. Hats off to you ladies.
1. Either Befriend or Fuck McLovin (Facebook IPO, 2012)
The most important thing to take from 2012 is the importance of having geeky friends. Sure, Amadeus may not look too cool in his suspenders and pocket protector now, but give him a few years to mature into the next Mark Zuckerberg and I promise you he’ll look a lot more appealing.
Befriend the geeks now- sleep with them if you have to; but make sure to keep them at arm’s length. When they become billionaires you’ll want to be invited to their parties.
Bonus: Don’t butt chug- it will kill you. This year we witnessed a frat experimenting with new ways to get drunk by butt chugging wine; it makes you get drunk faster. Not only does this sound ridiculous but it also took the life of a pledge.
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