104 Thoughts That Will Pass Through Every 20-Something's Head Before Turning 30
Ah, the illustrious 20s. The years between adolescence and adulthood that are about as awkward (if prettier) than those horrible middle school years. Unlike college, when you were on top of the world, you're bottom dog again.
Freshman, rookie, newbie. You're the lowest of the low on the job pole and the tiny fish in the expensive pond no one wants to direct you in.
You can hardly afford rent for your shoebox of an apartment and it feels like all your friendships have slipped away alongside those years of limited responsibility and mom and dad's checkbook.
You're an adult, but not an adult. You're paying your rent, but not your cell phone. You're going to work, but you're not making money. These are the years of gaping paradoxes and giant ironies. Sometimes you can't decide if the whole world is against you or if you're the only sane one.
Then there are those perfect moments. Those moments when you realize you have your whole life in front of you. Those moments when there's nothing in your way, but time and hard work.
These are the years when we can make mistakes and laugh about them as stories tomorrow morning over cocktails.
Those days when we can get away with being messy and irresponsible, but still have time to make up for it. They're also the years we wonder if we're just going f*cking crazy.
So for all of you unsure if you're happy or about to kill yourself, here are the 104 thoughts it's okay to have in your 20s.
1. I can't believe I'm in my f*cking 20s
2. My life is going to be just like “Sex and the City”
3. I can't wait to be rich.
4. Wait. What the f*ck am I doing here?
5. My rent is more than my parents' mortgage.
6. Where'd all my friends go?
7. Can I eat this off the floor?
8. Should I have health insurance… or nah?
9. How the hell do people make all that money?
10. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn't sound so bad.
11. I know I should pack my lunch, but I'm just gonna buy it every day.
12. I really hate my roommates right now.
13. Is it me… or is it everyone else?
14. I feel like Britney Spears circa 2007.
15. Maybe I should give up everything and be a scuba instructor in Hawaii.
16. Is this chai latte worth the $4?
17. I definitely chose the wrong major.
18. Does this sweater-and-khakis ensemble make me look like my mom?
19. I don't care if it's nice out, my bed is nicer.
20. I'm just going out with him for the free meal.
21. The idea of being married is as ridiculous as being pregnant.
22. I think I might be gay.
23. I think my best friend might be gay.
24. I don't want to end up like my parents.
25. My horoscope tells me Mercury is in retrograde, therefore I can be crazy this week.
26. I f*cking hate my job.
27. Why isn't my life like “Friends”?
28. If I go to Canada, do I still have to pay student loans?
29. How many germs am I touching on this subway?
30. Should I start washing my hands more?
31. How old am I going to be when I don't live in a closet?
32. I'd rather contract Syphilis than go to work right now.
33. Is food or clothes more important?
34. Maybe I should vote or something.
35. Should I sleep tonight or go out?
36. Are condoms worth it?
37. Am I pregnant?
38. Do I really have time to invest in another TV show?
39. I knew I shouldn't have worn a crop top.
40. Do I have to tip if there's a delivery fee?
41. Let's be European about this and not tip.
42. What if I'm dating a douchebag?
43. Do I have to like her?
44. I should have been a drug dealer.
45. I'm gonna ask for a raise.
46. Nah, I can't ask for a raise.
47. At what angle do I need to step in front of the bus so it's just a minor injury… and a major settlement?
48. Should I call my parents?
49. What's a good excuse to stay home today?
50. What relative of mine hasn't died yet?
51. I miss college.
52. Thank God I'm not in college anymore.
53. What's a 401k?
54. What are the symptoms I need to get an Adderall prescription?
55. Who is going to do my taxes?
56. How do I do my taxes?
57. What is the likelihood of my having an STD?
58. Is it acceptable to meet your future spouse in a bar?
59. Should I sleep with him if I hate him… and his shoes?
60. Do I have to get married?
61. Can we all protest and decide not to get married?
62. Am I ever gonna meet someone I like?
63. Are we dating yet?
64. Am I okay with having casual sex?
65. Should I just go on Tinder?
66. This guy looks nothing like his Tinder photo.
67. I think I'm going to delete my Tinder.
68. Is it okay to spend the whole day watching Netflix?
69. How many times a week can I afford Seamless?
70. I swear, in two months I'm quitting my job.
71. I kind of really hate my cousin's husband.
72. How is this person my manager? She looks like she just graduated from high school.
73. I'm so glad I'm not in high school anymore.
74. Sometimes I kind of wish I could just rock high school again.
75. College was way easier to meet people.
76. Why didn't I take advantage of it?
77. I can't afford to drop my phone again.
78. This two-day hangover is real.
79. I miss my parents.
80. Kids are so lucky.
81. I feel kind of bad about staying out till 6 am.
82. I'm never staying out till 6 am again.
83. Why do I keep staying out till 6 am?
84. I need to stop taking cabs.
85. I need to stop getting so drunk.
86. I'm done drinking. Just weed now.
87. Actually, weed is really expensive, I can't afford this.
88. No more smoking. Just drinking.
89. I'm going to die alone.
90. F*ck it, I could die any day.
91. I probably will, with the state of the world and everything.
92. What's the point of saving if I could die tomorrow?
93. F*ck it. I'm going out tonight.
94. I met so many great people out last night, I think I'm making friends.
95. We just made plans for a “dinner party,” I think I have new friends.
96. My life is so cool right now.
97. I just got a raise. Next stop, CEO b*tch.
98. I'm so adult, look at me buying my morning coffee for a morning meeting.
99. I don't need to be married, I ain't got time for that sh*t.
100. I really love going out on weeknights.
101. This would be alcoholism if I were older.
102. Can I eat McDonald's if I'm not drunk?
103. Thank God I'm not 30.
104. Oh sh*t, I'm almost 30.
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